8 Behaviors Of People Who Are Destined To Grow Up Anxious And Clingy, According To Research
Research reveals the early-life patterns that can shape anxious, clingy adults — often before they even realize it’s happening.
golubovy | Canva One of the most common tropes in teen movies is the loner girl who wants to fit in with the "in crowd" at school. You know the girl — she might be plain, or the one who doesn’t quite have the right clothes to fit in the right way. Though I have a lot of bones to pick with teen movies, the truth is that this trope is very real to many people in high school.
How do I know? Well, duh, I was that girl. Like many people who had a hard time in school, I was the type of person to end up replaying things over and over in my head. After decades, I figured out why I kept having the same situation happen over and over again.
It often feels like certain people are more prone to being outcasts than others, even when they have uniforms and stuff. Truth be told, it took me stepping away from everyone to figure out what the problem was. I was low-key desperate, clingy, and anxious — and desperation is human repellent.
Here are behaviors of people who are destined to grow up anxious and clingy:
1. They keep trying to make plans with people who never reply
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Did you ever have someone who kept hitting you up, even when you feel like you’ve subtly made it clear you don’t want to see them?
Speaking as someone who’s been that person, it’s an act of desperation. They desperately want to be your friend or date.
When you don’t have a lot of friends around you, you start having grandiose delusions. You start thinking, "I know this person is currently repulsed by me but if they give me a chance and hang out this one time, they’ll like me!"
Blame it on movies that show the nerds fitting in or whatever, but this is a common occurrence. It also tends to be a dead giveaway that you are desperate for some kind of human interaction.
In reality, when people reject you, it’s best to realize they see you’re not compatible with them for one reason or another. Maybe they’ll change their minds later, but begging them for a chance is not going to do that.
2. They give 'pick me' eyes when people talk about making plans
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Look at this scrunch-snoot pup. Do you see him begging? Do you see those big brown eyes begging you for a treat?
When someone is low-key desperate to join a clique or get the attention of people around them, you’ll see them make a similar expression.
Their eyes plead with you to invite them along. Depending on who it is, it can be pretty overt or fairly subtle. But it’s hard not to notice that look of mixed hope and beseeching on their face.
I’ve been that doggo. It sucks because that means they know asking to join in is kind of weird, but they want to ask, but they also know the people who they want to ask are going to say no.
While 'pick me' eyes aren't a formally studied phenomenon in psychology, the underlying behavior of seeking attention or validation through eye contact and body language is a common research topic.
Research by Stanford University explained that people may use these cues to express a desire for inclusion or to subtly indicate a preference for your attention. In group settings, people often direct their attention and eye contact towards specific individuals, which can signal a preference for their opinion or involvement.
3. They try to win people over with money
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How someone treats money tells you a lot about where they are in their life and mind. It only really struck me how much it shows recently. Lately, I noticed that there are three particular moves socially desperate people make with money:
- They flash it. Most of the people I see who do this, do so because they don’t know how to attract others to them without it.
- They act like sugar mommies and sugar daddies.
- They knock down rejections for hanging out by offering to pay. This can be either courtesy or desperation. When it becomes a regular thing and you notice there’s an insistence, then it’s desperation.
Research from The Society for Personality and Social Psychology found that flaunting wealth can stem from insecurities, a need for validation, or a desire to signal social status. Still, it can backfire by making people seem less cooperative and attracting unwanted attention. In personal development and coaching, authenticity and self-expression are championed, and the prevalence of income boasting appears at odds with these principles.
4 They are always available, even on a moment's notice
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Whether it’s for a relationship or a friendship, desperate people always make a point of clearing out their schedule — just in case someone wants to pop by.
You know, in case anyone decides to give them a chance. Just in case. Because they have no one else to talk to and nothing to do.
At times, it’s easy to do this unintentionally. When you sound like you have nothing going on, it’s easy to end up sounding like you’re desperate when you’re not.
5. They try to insert themselves into things
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An overtly desperate person will usually make major grabs for attention — things like insulting people to get a rise out of them, being loud for no reason, and trying to get into peoples’ personal space. They also tend to cling a bit.
If someone’s low-key about it, though, you might be hanging out with people and then they’ll start to talk about some drama happening between people. Or they may dish secrets about other people to get some attention to them.
That’s desperation talking. When you are desperate, you don’t mind dragging others in the mud to get what you want.
Research suggests that someone who constantly inserts themselves into situations or conversations may be driven by a need for attention, validation, or a desire to feel important, potentially stemming from traits like self-centeredness or a lack of empathy. Some people may be unaware of how their actions affect others, leading to them constantly inserting themselves without considering the impact on those around them.
6. They settle for people who treat them like dirt
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I’ve been that person. When you don’t have any other options and you can’t seem to find anyone, you learn to tolerate people who treat you poorly.
You start to say, "Something is better than nothing," because you get so sick and tired of being alone. And it sucks because everyone who sees this tells you that "it’s better to be alone than to be with the wrong crowd."
It’s true, but it doesn’t solve anything as far as your current situation goes. So, you settle to hang around low-lifes and bullies.
If you notice that a certain person just kind of "lays back and takes it" when others insult them, it’s partly due to low self-esteem and it’s partly because they’re desperate for anything social. Until they stop giving a crap or find a new thing to do, they’ll keep settling for less.
7. They blow up at people who ignore them
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If a person who is desperate for friends or a relationship is left alone for too long, it will affect their mental health. It’s not a matter of if, but when. More often than not, people who have been unsuccessful in getting connections will have a breaking point.
When this happens, they’ll make remarks about being left out. They may also make self-deprecating jokes or start to dig at people who they feel jilted them.
At this point, it may not be subtle anymore — the real tell is when someone publicly goes out and says that they are alone, they feel neglected and they can’t take it anymore. (Also, been guilty of that. A lot.) It’s cringe behavior that sometimes is irresistible to people who feel like they are not getting attention or help or connection any other way.
Being ignored can trigger feelings of rejection, leading to resentment, anger, and even depression. According to a 2022 study, humans are social creatures, and social connection is vital to our well-being.
8. They pay an inordinate amount of attention to looks and status
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Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with self-care and looking cute for cute’s sake. However, there’s a difference between that and going balls-to-the-wall on all things looks.
Unless you are trying to be an influencer, a model, or a YouTuber for a career, chances are that you don’t have to worry about your looks that much.
There’s nothing wrong with looking cute on Instagram, but there is something that goes wrong with trying to look runway-chic every day.
If you have to spend two to three hours getting ready to go to the mall, something is going on that’s not healthy. If you constantly have everything photo-ready and are asking randos to pose with you on social media there is a problem.
Usually, it’s low-key desperation. This is done as a way to try to get attention of any sort from people. The idea is simple: people want to hang out with high-status, good-looking people.
By going all in on looks, they think it will attract others. Sometimes, it works. But if you take it too far, it often doesn’t.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.