People Who Spent A Lot Of Time Alone As Kids Usually Develop These 11 Traits As Adults
With the right balance of social interaction, alone time can be wildly beneficial in your adult life.
PintoArt | Shutterstock There's an important difference between productive alone time and isolation, especially for children early in life who are most impressionable and vulnerable to feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and solitude. Typically encouraged by parents with physical responsibilities or emotional guardrails, people who spent a lot of time alone as kids do have a chance to develop a range of important skills to entertain and support themselves.
However, these kids are also more susceptible to mental and emotional struggles, like anxiety and depression, as a result of their social isolation, as a study published in SciELO Brazil suggests, that influences their daily lives and leaves a lasting impact on their personality, emotional regulation skills, empathy, and other foundational traits. So, while they may find peace with their alone time or empowerment in their independence as adults, many of these people who spent a lot of time alone as kids still carry the traits they cultivated in solitude.
Here are 11 traits people who spent a lot of time alone as kids usually develop as adults
1. They struggle with casual social interactions
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Many children who were frequently alone growing up, whether that was an isolation from emotional support from parents or a physical separation from social interaction, remain introverts in adulthood, sometimes struggling to adopt and practice the social skills other kids absorbed earlier in life.
Especially empowered by "the choice" of solitude in adulthood, like a study published in Frontiers in Psychology explains, rather than the "forced" situation that might have sparked uncomfortable feelings of loneliness in adolescence, embracing this introverted energy and being comfortable in their alone time may promote happier, more fulfilling feelings in adulthood compared to growing up.
Considering many adult children today also have technological access to social interaction through social media or other communication sites, they not only feel more empowered by the choice of solitude, they're encouraged to maintain relationships online rather than in-person, which can contribute to their less-practiced social skills.
2. They're uncomfortable with intimacy
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Many adults who are uncomfortable with intimacy in their relationships, sometimes even actively avoiding or sabotaging vulnerable connections, struggled with some kind of childhood trauma early in life. Whether it be emotional inconsistency from parents, too much forced solitude, or a traumatic event, people uncomfortable with intimacy often didn't get to practice healthy closeness growing up.
According to experts from The Meadows Outpatient Center, children who grew up alone, with emotionally or physically absent parents, often struggle with attachment issues in adulthood. Not only did their emotional needs go unmet, they weren't given the chance to practice engaging in a healthy relationship — with themselves and others.
Instead, they were forced to find comfort in their alone time, trying to self-soothe from emotional dysregulation and uncomfortable emotion on their own time, rather than with others. Some adults may even be people-pleasers now, hoping to avoid bringing their discomfort to social situations and relationships in hopes to "keep the peace."
3. They're comfortable in their own company
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Building comfort in solitude often takes practice, like life coach Shazie Senen suggests, which many people who spent a lot of time alone as kids usually had the opportunity to learn. While it might have been uncomfortable for some — the solitude of their childhoods — they may have equipped themselves with tools, entertainment, and encouragement that follows them into adulthood.
Now that their alone time is more of an autonomous choice, rather than a consequence of their family relationships or childhood experience, they can find peace, comfort, and joy in their alone time, rather than loneliness or anxiety. Whether it's prioritizing time for personal interests and hobbies, self-care, or intentional productive time, alone time can be incredibly impactful and healthy for adults that find comfort in it.
Of course, in tandem with this influential alone time, experts from Harvard Health argue that it's also important to find a balance of social connectedness, community, and interpersonal interaction to ensure stable physical, mental, and emotional health.
4. They're curious
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According to social psychologist Bella DePaulo, people who spend a lot of time alone, especially those who find comfort in it and enjoy it, are typically more curious than those who don't. Not only are they encouraged to find interesting and unique ways to fill their alone time, they have more opportunity for introspection, urging them to connect and investigate themselves in fulfilling ways.
People who spent a lot of time alone as kids often flex their curiosity muscles, feeding into practices like self-reflection that can improve their general happiness, fulfillment, and cognitive skills, like a study from Psychological Science argues.
5. They rarely get bored
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Research published in Psychology, Health, and Medicine argues that consistent and unacknowledged boredom can spark uncomfortable feelings of isolation and loneliness in adults. Especially for those without consistent lines of social connectedness or feelings of belonging in their communities, feeling bored when they're alone can be emotionally and physically taxing.
However, people who spent a lot of time alone as kids often learn to combat boredom in unique and innovative ways, entertaining themselves despite their circumstances. Whether it's picking up a new hobby, diving into academic work, or finding ways to socialize online, kids who grew up mostly alone are curious and innovative with entertainment.
6. They don't trust others easily
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Without the security of emotional stability or support growing up, many people who spent a lot of time alone as kids struggle with building healthy relationships in adulthood.
Often caused by feelings of isolation and loneliness, like a study published in the journal Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation suggests, kids who were forced to emotionally regulate themselves alone fear vulnerability and emotional support later in life. They become concerned with burdening others or fearing rejection in the face of their uncomfortable emotions.
Trust is a practice that's learned through social connection and relationships. And when children aren't given the opportunity to learn how to support others and accept support — especially from a foundational relationship like the one with their parents — they enter adulthood feeling equally lonely and suspicious of true vulnerability and connection.
7. They're independent
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People who spent a lot of time alone as kids often learn to be independent from a very young age. Whether it's emotionally regulating themselves, finding hobbies and personal interests to entertain themselves, or simply being comfortable without other people around, alone time can help to garner feelings of independence, even amid unfortunate circumstances.
In adulthood, coupled with healthy relationships or a commitment to community, this independence can be healthy — promoting a healthy self-esteem and feelings of self-worth that add value to life. However, it can also transform into a less healthy hyper-independence, where adult children experience a fear of emotional support, vulnerability, and social interaction and relationships.
It's important to be self-sufficient, able to care, provide, and promote joy in your own life, but it's also important to leverage the power of social connection and healthy relationships, especially if you weren't privy to those joys early in life.
8. They're very self-aware
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Forced to emotionally regulate themselves in alone time early in life, many of these adult children also adopt self-reflective habits that encourage them to be more self-aware. Whether it's unpacking their experiences and emotions personally or finding ways to soothe their discomfort, people who spent a lot of time alone as kids usually build a relationship with themselves early — outside the validation and opinions of others.
Of course, being radically self-aware in adulthood can have its own set of unique challenges on social connection and self-worth. But, for the most part, it encourages people to act in their best interests and gives them the power to enjoy their alone time without anxiety or fear.
9. They're creatively inclined
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A study published in Personality and Individual Differences found that people who spend more time alone, without anxiety or fear associated with their solitude, tend to be more creatively inclined than their counterparts who don't.
Especially for people who spent a lot of time alone as kids, they feel more comfortable spending time without other people around, having grown up without the anxiety of being separated from other people in their lives.
10. They may struggle with self-esteem
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One of the traits people who spent a lot of time alone as kids usually develop as adults is having low self-esteem. These people typically rely on introspection more than the average person, using their alone time to unpack their emotions, understand themselves, and sometimes criticize themselves to an unhealthy level.
Not only were these kids forced to self-soothe and regulate their own emotions in the face of absent parents, but they often had no opportunity to learn how to communicate or share their discomfort with others. This lack of practice and social interaction impacted their ability to form healthy connections in adulthood, formed with communication, trust, and empathy, and caused a great deal of strain on their self-esteem and self-worth.
Without fulfilling social interaction and emotional support, self-reflection, self-awareness, and alone time only goes so far — often spiraling into loneliness, isolation, and resentment.
11. They have a stronger attention span
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According to experts from Legacy Academy, children who spend a lot of time alone, without distractions from social interactions or peers, often practice concentration and focus at much better levels than others. Not only does this practice help their productivity and creativity, it improves their general attention span, even when they do enter social scenarios.
Considering the consequences of modern technology on children today, adults who learned to utilize their alone time as a means for concentration and creativity earlier in life are at an advantage, compared to kids who were forced to distract themselves from true innovation with a screen or social media.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.