11 Brilliant Habits That Make Everyone In Your Life Value You
You deserve to feel loved and respected.
MKavalenkau | Shutterstock There’s nothing quite like the feeling of being valued. Knowing the people in your life love and appreciate you is something truly special. It increases your own self-worth to know those you care about think highly of you and respect you for who you are.
According to Steven Stosny, Ph.D., “To value someone or something is to hold that person, thing or animal as important and worthy of appreciation, time, effort and protection.” When someone values you, they think you’re important and worth the time and effort. While value doesn’t necessarily have to be earned in all relationships, there are little things you can do to make the people around you see you as even more valuable.
Here are 11 brilliant habits that make everyone in your life value you:
1. You’re willing to say no, even when it’s hard.
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The first habit that makes everyone in your life value you is your ability to say no, even when the situation may make doing so difficult. Boundaries are a much buzzed-about topic right now, and for good reason. Setting and enforcing healthy boundaries is essential for your mental health — sometimes, that makes saying no a requirement.
Mind Matters, a blog written by staff from the Menninger Clinic, pointed out that saying no is not easy for many people to do. Despite this, it is a form of self-care. “Saying no to certain things can be an act of self-care by creating time or energy for things that help you feel better about yourself, your relationships, or your overall experience in this world,” they said.
By saying no, you’re showing people you value your time and mental health. You’re essentially teaching people to treat you with respect. Over time, that respect will become valuable as people learn what a fantastic person you are.
2. You truly take the time to think things through when making a decision.
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Making quick decisions can be risky. Thinking things through thoroughly and coming to an informed conclusion is important. When you take the time to do so, you’ll find that the people in your life have a lot more respect for you, and that they value you.
In her podcast ‘How To Be A Better Person,’ personal development coach Kate Hanley said that when making decisions, she likes to take some time not to decide. “Deciding not to decide for a big chunk of time helps your brain find some rest, even though you still don’t know exactly what you’re going to choose,” she explained. “[By] relieving yourself of the pressure to figure out your decision, you free up some brain space and energy, and you give yourself permission to marinate on your possibilities, which is a key part of the decision-making process for those things that will have a big impact on your life!”
If you don’t make snap decisions, you’ll show the people around you that your time and theirs are truly important to you. You’ll also try to do the right thing for everyone involved, which will make people value you.
3. You take your time before you reply.
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In our fast-moving world, it’s so easy to think you must respond immediately, whether verbally or digitally. You don’t want to risk making people think you’ve ghosted them, so it’s better to type something up and hit send right away, right? Or is it better to immediately answer when someone asks you something?
Not necessarily. Forbes contributor Frances Booth noted that giving in to the pressure to respond as soon as possible can take away from other important things you must do. It also takes away the possibility of genuinely thinking through your decision, which we’ve already established is a key to being valued by others. “Replying without thinking can lead to us saying yes to things we don’t have time for or making poor decisions,” she said.
If you take the time to think through your replies, show other people you value them. You’re not just flippantly saying whatever first comes to mind. Value is reciprocated; the more you show others you value them, the more likely they will value you in return.
4. You’re a good, active listener.
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Few things say “you’re important to me,” quite like being a good listener does. Arlin Cunic, MA, defined active listening as “a communication skill that involves going beyond simply hearing another person's words. It’s about actively processing and seeking to understand their meaning and intent. It requires being a mindful and focused participant in the communication process.”
When listening actively, you’re truly taking in what someone has to say and making them your priority. This is the kind of behavior people value. Sherrie Bourg Carter, Psy.D., noted that “listening is not the same as hearing” and requires a deeper level of communication and connection. It’s a skill that takes time to develop.
If you listen to what people say, you show them you care. The people in your life will value that, and, by extension, you, immensely because of it.
5. You never stop learning.
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If you have an insatiable hunger for knowledge, there’s a good chance that the people in your life value you. Being a lifelong learner is an important skill and something more vital than ever, given the ever-changing nature of our world.
Writing about the importance of continuing to learn, Dr. Felicia Blow, APR, former chair of the Public Relations Society of America, said, “Simply put, learning new subjects and ways of doing things is mission critical to being a great practitioner and one of the key challenges/opportunities facing all of us right now is the rapid evolution and transformation of technologies. AI, the Metaverse, cryptocurrency, blockchain; we need to embrace these as useful tools to help us do our jobs more efficiently, rather than fear them as obstacles to overcome or avoid.”
By continuing to learn well beyond the end of your formal education, you show the people around you that you care about yourself, your goals, and the world around you. This attention to detail and desire for knowledge are qualities everyone you know will value deeply.
6. You don’t get into arguments.
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Quite simply, people don’t want to be around others who tend to argue about every little thing. It’s just not pleasant. Turning every issue into an argument demonstrates immaturity that people do not find admirable.
According to CEO Peter Bregman, instead of arguing, it’s good to take some time to calm down. Strong feelings can be your undoing. “Arguing achieves a predictable outcome: it solidifies each person’s stance,” he said. “Which, of course, is the exact opposite of what you’re trying to achieve with the argument in the first place. It also wastes time and deteriorates relationships.”
While avoiding arguing altogether is impossible, making a conscious effort to do so shows others that you care about your relationships. It’s a sign that they matter to you. Little things like that are the reason everyone will value you.
7. You don’t engage in gossip.
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Gossip is like a poison that spreads without abandon. For most, it will automatically decrease their respect for you. Talking about people behind their backs and spreading rumors is not a good look.
Therapist Hannah Rose, LCPC, said, “When we gossip, we fertilize our minds with toxicity and judgment. We are much more likely to scrutinize ourselves when busy scrutinizing others. We are significantly more susceptible to self-centered fear and the obsession that others will gossip about us.” In other words, gossip leads to toxicity in how we feel about others and how we think of ourselves.
If you allow yourself to get caught up in gossip, it will affect your entire worldview, impacting both your self-image and the self-image of others. People will lose respect for you and, therefore, not value you. On the other hand, if you make a concerted effort to avoid gossip, people will recognize this in you and value you.
8. You always dress the part.
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Dressing well is another habit that will make everyone in your life value you. This doesn’t necessarily mean you always have to be perfectly put together and look like you just stepped off the pages of a fashion magazine. It just means that you are dressed appropriately for whatever you’re doing.
In a study published in Personality and Social Psychology Review, researchers noted, “Clothing, hairstyle, makeup and accessories influence first impressions.” They argued that dress is an important, often overlooked, part of “person perception,” or how others perceive you.
If you metaphorically dress for the job you want, people will notice. You’ll stand out in the best way possible and be respected. Those in your life will value you.
9. You’re kind to everyone, regardless of who they are.
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Kindness truly is key. It’s easy to be nice to people who can do something for you in exchange. But treating everyone with the respect they deserve shows that you are a good person who genuinely cares about people’s feelings.
Being kind demonstrates that the success of others does not threaten you, as Karyn Hall, Ph.D., stated. She further emphasized that kindness is a willingness to celebrate someone else’s successes wholeheartedly. Research has now shown that dedicating resources to others, rather than constantly seeking more for yourself, leads to lasting well-being.
Kindness is one of the most priceless commodities. Treating everyone with genuine respect shows others that you are a treasure worth valuing. This simple habit will have everyone in your life singing your praises.
10. You keep your head down and focus on your work.
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Some people are tempted to get caught up in everything around them — and, by extension, everyone’s business. People who deserve respect will focus on what is in front of them and what is meaningful to them. This doesn’t mean never striving for more; it just means keeping your focus sharp and centered on what is essential.
Author and work-life consultant John Thurman said that focus “is the ability to know what matters most and act on it … The power of focus helps us prioritize our goals, stay on track, and progress toward achieving them.” By focusing on what matters, you show others that you know what’s truly important and that you’re above getting caught up in petty squabbles.
If you do what is needed and focus on that, others will value you for your discretion and emotional intelligence. Minding your own business pays off, especially when it comes to how others view you.
11. You demonstrate integrity.
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Perhaps the most important thing you can do to earn the respect of others is to live with integrity. Merriam-Webster defines integrity as “firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values.” Choosing a moral high ground is commendable and demonstrates to others that you hold yourself to high standards.
Jessica Koehler, Ph.D., said, “Upholding integrity speaks to an individual’s inner strength and values and serves as a moral compass guiding their actions.” She explained that integrity is directly linked to self-esteem, emotional stability, and the quality of relationships. Essentially, it permeates every aspect of one’s life. Ph.D.
Living with integrity is a sure way to have others value you. It means you can be trusted and relied upon. Knowing that everyone in your life feels that way about you is priceless.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.