11 Phrases A Man Often Says To The Person He’s Falling Out Of Love With
Unfortunately, falling out of love is just a part of life.
Ground Picture / Shutterstock Falling out of love is a reality none of us really like to face, but it is a reality that happens nonetheless. Sometimes relationships just don’t work out and partnerships end, even when they once seemed strong and steady. Not every couple is meant to stay together forever, and that’s okay, although it doesn’t make it any less painful when it happens that way.
According to Kendra Cherry, MSEd, it’s important to be able to recognize the difference between when a relationship just isn’t working anymore and you’re falling out of love versus when you or your partner is dealing with depression, which can often look quite similar. There are some particular phrases a man often says to the person he's falling in love with that can help you know if that is truly what is happening.
Here are 11 phrases a man often says to the person he’s falling out of love with
1. ‘Why do you make such a big deal out of everything?’
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A man who really loves you will care about the things you care about. If he suggests that your reactions are out of line and uncalled for, it’s a major sign that he doesn’t care like he used to and is probably falling out of love. Instead of focusing on the actual issue that has you concerned, he writes it off and sees you as being overdramatic instead. There’s no such thing as working together to solve problems any more.
Brandon Santan, PhD, a therapist who focuses on relationship work, said, “When someone is falling out of love, they may become emotionally distant, avoid physical intimacy, stop expressing affection, or appear detached and unresponsive to emotional needs … A noticeable decline in enthusiasm and interest in spending time together, engaging in shared activities or discussing future plans may suggest that feelings are fading.”
By asking why you make such a big deal out of everything, a man is creating a huge amount of emotional distance. It also shows a big decline in enthusiasm as the man is simply losing interest in the relationship. Instead of seeing real problems for what they are, he sees his partner as the problem and focuses all of his attention on what you are doing wrong as a partner and what you could be doing better.
2. ‘I think we should see other people.’
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This classic phrase is a sign that a man is moving on. He’s clearly losing interest and thinking of a way out, and possibly thinking of just who he could move on with. Or, maybe he doesn’t actually have a specific person in mind, but just wants to disconnect from his current partner. This not-so-gentle suggestion is a way to move one’s mind on to what comes next after the current relationship.
Psychotherapist Caitlin Slavens explained that this is not uncommon for a relationship that has run its course. “If you find yourself longing for time apart or fantasizing about life without them, those are signs worth paying attention to,” she said.
In other words, if a man no longer sees you as a part of his future, then he’s really just over you. Sometimes, even if one person is still invested in a relationship, the other has completely checked out. It’s possible that this has happened if a man sees other people as a better option or simply doesn’t see you as the right option anymore.
3. ‘I didn’t ask for your opinion.’
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A relationship is a two-way street, and it needs input from both sides to work out. If a man feels like his partner’s input is no longer important or necessary, then he’s probably falling out of love. For some men, not taking their partner’s opinion into account is sadly typical. But if your man used to really consider how you felt and no longer does, he probably wants to move on with his life without you.
These feelings can present themselves as not communicating with your partner in the way that you are used to. Kalley Hartman, LMFT, said, “This may show up as avoiding conversations, not making time to spend together or having difficulty communicating feelings and ideas.”
When communication breaks down, a relationship is basically over. There’s no way to move forward without communication. Everyone knows this, even if it’s just on some subconscious level, so pushing the other person’s thoughts and feelings out of the way is a sign that someone doesn’t want to be together anymore.
4. ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’
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Although this phrase has become something of a cliche, that doesn’t mean it’s used any less frequently. A man taking all of the responsibility and blame in a relationship and putting it on himself in a way that tells you he just doesn’t want to hurt you is a likely sign that he’s falling out of love. And, there may be some truth to how he’s feeling.
Clinical psychologist Aura de los Santos said, “Sometimes one of the members of the relationship is going through a difficult situation and this prevents them from being able to give the best in their relationship. They don’t neglect the relationship because they want to, but their personal problems often take away their energy.”
When a man says, “It’s not you, it’s me,” he may actually be serious and not just saying the first thing that comes to mind. Maybe there’s something going on in his life that he just can’t face with someone next to him, and he sees no choice but to get out. If his personal problems have overtaken who you are as a couple, then he’s definitely falling out of love.
5. ‘Just do whatever you want to.’
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Saying this is a sign of true indifference, and indifference is basically the opposite of love, an idea attributed to writer Elie Wiesel. If a man was in love with his partner, he would care about what they did and want to ensure it was the best choice for them. This lack of concern shows that a man really has no love left, nor does he have any interest in continuing a relationship.
Therapist Janessa Borges explained that this dullness in the relationship and lack of excitement makes it hard to resurrect. “When there’s energy, there’s something to fight for. Once people ‘check out,’ it’s hard to work on the relationship,” she shared.
By inviting someone to do whatever it is that they want, a man is basically saying that their future is no longer important to him, and he just doesn’t care. If you don’t care about someone, you can’t be in love with them. A man who suggests you do whatever you want has checked out.
6. ‘We should take a break.’
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This is one of those phrases that no one wants to hear, especially coming from someone they believed they were in a solid relationship with. No one who’s in love wants to take a break from their relationship, but a man who is falling out of love may see it as an easy opportunity to let his partner down gently and even imply that there could still be a future together after some time apart.
Taking a break in a relationship doesn’t have to be a bad thing or mean that it’s the end. BetterHelp’s editorial team explained that taking a break in a relationship can sometimes be helpful, like when you have individual personal issues to address. They also pointed out that it is not typically equivalent to a breakup, but rather lasts for a shorter, predetermined period of time.
In spite of that, hearing that your partner wants to take a break can be disheartening. What’s even worse is finding out that they have no real timeline for that break and feel like it should just be indefinite while you both move on with your lives and start seeing other people. Asking for a break without specifying how long it should be is a sign that a man is falling out of love.
7. ‘You’re overthinking this.’
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In some cases, your partner telling you that you’re overthinking something could be a good thing. You might really be putting too much thought into something and it could be affecting your mental health. On the other hand, it’s more likely that the man who says this just wants to avoid whatever issue is currently at hand and not have to listen to you talk about it anymore, even if it is unresolved or still causing pain in some way.
Amy Morin, LCSW, noted that while you may just think of overthinking as a way to view a situation from every possible angle, it’s more likely that it is connected to depression, anxiety or PTSD. If someone tells you that you’re overthinking, you have to consider the context. Could they really be trying to help you, or are they just dismissing you?
In most cases, a man who tells you you’re overthinking really is just dismissing you. He’s falling out of love and no longer sees your concerns as a priority. It’s painful to accept, but true, and you’re only hurting yourself by thinking otherwise.
8. ‘You deserve someone better.’
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Similar to “I think we should see other people,” when a man says, “You deserve someone who’s better,” there’s little chance that he actually means it the way that it sounds. On the surface, such a phrase could imply genuine care and show that a man thinks he’s not good enough for you. In reality, it just means that the man has checked out of the relationship and wants to move on.
Licensed professional counselor Bonnie Scott said, “Through the course of a long-term relationship, ideally people are growing and changing. In some relationships, people grow together or in ways that are tolerable to one another, and in other relationships, people grow apart.” If someone has changed so much that they think you actually deserve someone better than them, it’s likely that you’ve grown apart.
Scott noted that growing apart doesn’t have to mean that you did something wrong. Instead, it just means that it’s time for a new stage of your life. Maybe you really do deserve someone who’s better than the man you had.
9. ‘I’m too busy.’
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If a man suddenly has no time for you, it’s a major red flag. That means that he’s putting other things above you and your relationship. Some, like friends and family, may actually be really important, but others, like playing video games or scrolling through social media, really aren’t. Whatever the case may be, your relationship is no longer his priority.
Vogue Australia writer Melissa Mason put it this way: “Basically, if they can’t find time for you then they shouldn’t be dating in the first place. If someone is truly so busy that they have no capacity for one date a week, why did they even start something with you? Never feel like you’re needy or crazy for wanting to spend time with the very busy person. That’s normal.”
A man who is so busy that he doesn’t have any time to devote to you is likely disinterested and, therefore, falling out of love. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s better to go ahead and figure it out and accept it early before it becomes too difficult and painful.
10. ‘We’re just too different.’
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If a man tells you that you’re just too different, he could be right or he could be wrong. It’s likely that he’s just trying to come up with an excuse for ending your relationship, because it’s definitely not necessary to be the same person for a relationship to work. Really being entirely too different is rare.
Alicia Muñoz, LPC, explained that relationships aren’t really about being the same, but rather about accepting each other’s differences.
“There’s no hard and fast way to assess whether differences are too different or workable,” she said. “What matters more than actual differences is a couple’s capacity to honor one another as they are while being open to each other’s influence.”
When a man says that he’s too different from his partner and has absolutely no intention of trying to keep the relationship alive or work on those differences, he’s likely just looking for an easy way out. It’s a sign that he has probably fallen out of love and doesn’t see the relationship as salvageable. Or, he at least doesn’t want to.
11. “I need some space.”
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A partner needing space does not necessarily have to set off alarm bells for you. It could simply mean that they’re really struggling with something and need some time to deal with it. However, it’s also possible that saying so is really just an excuse to make a whole lot of space between a man and his partner so that he can slowly transition out of the relationship.
Jeffrey Bernstein, PhD, said there are a multitude of reasons why your partner may feel like they need space that are totally legitimate. Nevertheless, it can bring out some insecurities.
“The request for space can trigger personal insecurities or feelings of inadequacy,” he said. “You might question whether you did something wrong or if there’s something lacking in the relationship. These insecurities can amplify the shock and make it feel more personal.”
If your partner asks for space, carefully evaluate their reasons for needing it. Are they legitimately going through something right now, or does it seem like more of a cop-out? Are they simply just trying to move on with their lives? A man who’s falling out of love might be.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
