11 Phrases Brilliant People Use To Shut Down Toxic, Argumentative Men

We've all encountered them—men who are more preoccupied with winning an argument than with actually listening and absorbing information to have a productive discussion. Whether in school, at work, or in relationships and friendships, it's always exhausting to deal with a toxic and argumentative man who would rather sit in his privilege than actually evolve and learn.

However, the key to maintaining composure is knowing the right phrases to shut down their behavior without being combative, too. It's about setting firm boundaries and letting them know that you won't tolerate their behavior and toxicity, especially if it comes at the cost of your peace and overall well-being.

Here are 11 brilliant phrases people use to shut down toxic, argumentative men

1. 'I deserve better'

woman looking out kitchen window tired of argumentative men PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock

This phrase is a strong indicator that you refuse to settle for a toxic person because you know your worth and you're not afraid to let them know it, too. The one thing a toxic man can't do is manipulate someone who recognizes the value in themselves and refuses to play their game at the expense of their self-respect.

According to Tchiki Davis, Ph.D., some of the best ways to boost your confidence if you're struggling with self-esteem issues include setting goals that are good for you and good for others, prioritizing learning and growing over performance, and stopping basing your self-worth on external factors like appearance or other people's approval.

Once you realize that you deserve better, you start attracting better things and people into your life, which will cause you to never again question your self-worth.

2. 'I'm not here to argue and I won't engage in this negativity'

woman shutting down toxic, argumentative man Cast Of Thousands | Shutterstock

This phrase can be quite powerful when you want to shut down a toxic, argumentative man. It sets a firm boundary that makes it clear that not only are you not interested in being dragged into a meaningless conflict, but you refuse to be dragged into their negative energy.

By refusing to engage with them, you strip away the power they're trying to hold over you. You're also choosing to quietly disengage, which just shows how much more emotionally mature you are compared to a man who finds joy and satisfaction in arguing and causing conflict.

According to Marissa Moore, MA, LPC, setting boundaries requires assertiveness to be effective. Otherwise, the other person will continue to walk all over you. "When you’re assertive with others, you take care of yourself and your needs. Assertiveness doesn’t mean that you can’t ever compromise, but compromising to the point that you aren’t enjoying yourself or your life signals that you need to implement some boundaries," she said.

3. 'I'm done explaining myself'

upset woman turning away from toxic, argumentative husband PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock

This phrase acts as a final and non-negotiable way to shut down a man who refuses to listen and is pushing his narrative as a way to wear you down in an endless and unnecessary debate. You're firmly putting your foot down and sending the clear message that you've got your point across and have no interest in allowing this one-sided discussion to continue any longer.

One of the main things that toxic people tend to do is ask for clarity or demand more explanations just to look for new ways to control the conversation. If you refuse to give them that and simply remove yourself from the conversation, they have no choice but to respect those wishes, because it's impossible for them to continue to manipulate you if you refuse to participate.

4. 'I'm prioritizing my mental health'

unhappy woman exhausted by toxic, argumentative men Nicoleta Ionescu | Shutterstock

This phrase can instantly shut down toxic, argumentative men by making it clear that you are refusing to continue engaging with them in a discussion, argument, or conflict at the expense of your mental health. Truth be told, it can be incredibly draining and emotionally exhausting to have to justify your beliefs or engage with someone who doesn't want to participate in a respectful and productive conversation.

Putting your mental health first is always a good thing, especially considering how fragile many people are. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, approximately 23% of adults in the United States experienced a mental illness in the past year, which translates to nearly 60 million people.

Life is too short and unpredictable to have someone in your life who doesn't care about how their actions impact your mental well-being.

5. 'Let's agree to disagree'

woman agreeing to disagree with argumentative man Titova Ilona via Canva

This phrase is a simple yet effective way to de-escalate conflict with a toxic, argumentative man without causing any additional turmoil. Because toxic men thrive off of fueling conflict, by simply saying, "Let's agree to disagree," you're shutting down any further attempt to escalate the situation. You're letting them know that you have zero interest in having such an unproductive and worthless conversation if they refuse to at least hear you out.

According to Vasundhara Sawhney, a senior editor at Harvard Business Review, it can actually be beneficial to agree to disagree with someone.

"Use it as an opportunity to learn," she suggested. "When you disagree, you come out the other side learning a new way to do something, which could sometimes be better and more efficient. Disagreements also help you think creatively. With the little experience you have, it’s not possible to have an answer to everything right away."

"By discussing the situation, listening intently, and finding the best possible solution, you gain an opportunity to think critically and challenge your own assumptions, which helps you learn and grow," she concluded.

6. 'I'll respond when you're ready to have a respectful conversation'

woman rolling her eyes during conversation with toxic man Nicoleta Ionescu | Shutterstock

This phrase is a calm yet assertive way to shut down a conversation with a toxic, argumentative man who is focused on tearing you down and making his point whilst not respecting yours. Not only is it a way to set a boundary, but you're also insisting that while you're not walking away from the conversation, you'll only be interested in continuing it when he finally comes with a more mature mindset.

A 2013 study called "Conflict Management: Difficult Conversations with Difficult People," conducted by researchers from the University of Wisconsin, found that it’s important to maintain a safe environment when in the middle of an argument. To defuse an argument, the study encouraged people to not take the bait and allow the other person to justify their anger.

By calmly disengaging, you're taking the power back from them and refusing to let them control you anymore.

7. 'I respect myself too much for this'

woman thinking with hands over mouth PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock

There's something incredibly powerful about knowing your worth and refusing to compromise it for anyone, especially a toxic, argumentative man. You're making it clear that your peace will not be disturbed for the sake of a toxic man being able to "win" an argument by completely dismissing your feelings.

By saying that you respect yourself too much to engage with a toxic man, you're also making them look at their own behavioral issues. According to Sarah Newman, MA, MFA, the best way to disarm a toxic person is by emphasizing how highly you think of yourself to combat the way they're treating you.

"Toxic people don’t appreciate you, so they don’t want you to appreciate yourself, either," she said. "They need you to ignore your own needs and desires so you can devote all your time to their needs and desires. They use intimidation to keep you down, which means keeping you from living your truth. You are a whole and valuable person deserving of respect and love."

8. 'I won't be spoken to like that, so this conversation is over'

woman ending conversation with a toxic, argumentative man fizkes | Shutterstock

By saying this phrase, you're clearly emphasizing that this kind of behavior is unacceptable and you won't be putting up with it. Because toxic people often poke and prod to get a reaction — since that's how they end up feeling good about themselves — this phrase signals that you're taking back control of the situation and you are in charge of how you're being treated.

Toxic people rarely know or care that they're being disrespectful to another person in a conversation, so by putting your foot down and insisting that you won't be spoken to in any sort of malicious way, you're nudging that toxic person to realize they may have gone too far.

9. 'That's an interesting perspective. I'll stick with mine'

man and woman having discussion outside MG Best For You | Shutterstock

Just because someone is adamant that their opinion is correct, that doesn't mean you have to agree with it or let it sway your own opinion. Since toxic people are often pushing you to cause a debate, they're either looking for you to continue arguing or to concede to them.

When you signal that you're no longer interested in continuing further with them, you let them know that you're not looking to "win" or "lose." You're remaining composed and letting that toxic, argumentative man know that you refuse to be provoked over something that you already have a stance about.

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10. 'I have nothing more to add to this discussion'

Frustrated young couple arguing and having marriage problems NDAB Creativity | Shutterstock

This phrase is a clear and concise way to let that toxic, argumentative man who doesn't know when to quit that you're choosing to remove yourself from the conversation altogether. You're acknowledging that you've said everything that needs to be said and to engage further in the discussion would just be pointless because they're only arguing with you to feel like a winner.

You're deciding to end the conversation on your own terms while also keeping some of your sanity intact. It shows you've listened to what they've had to say, but you're also making it clear that you have zero obligation to entertain their need for control and validation.

'You don't have to like my opinion, but you will respect it'

woman contemplating while sitting alone on couch Perfect Wave | Shutterstock

Instead of trying to defend or justify your opinion, using this phrase forces a toxic man to look inward and realize how their inability to have a mature and respectful conversation can lead to people no longer wanting to engage with them at all. It's a respectful boundary that doesn't have to necessarily provoke the other person.

"Boundary setting is challenging. Most people have difficulty and, without a strategy, resort to repeating the same tactic when unsuccessful, trying harder, or giving in," according to Lynn Margolies, Ph.D.. "Boundaries protect relationships — allowing us to put our own oxygen mask on first, rather than be disingenuous, set ourselves up to become resentful, and then want to escape. With the tools to be successful, you can now take charge."

Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.