5 Subtle Traits Of A Self-Assured Person, According To Psychology
We can’t stop the doubts from arising, but we can stop holding on to them tight.
Iona Studio | Canva Self-doubt is a tricky characteristic that embeds itself deep within us and ripples outward, influencing how we interact with the world. Feeling bad about yourself doesn’t do you any good or change what you think you've done wrong.
Internalizing these helps me overcome life’s challenges from a healthy, confident state. Klara Kernig, a coach who describes herself as a “people-pleasing expert,” has explained about becoming a self-assured person, "Confidence and self-doubt can coexist.”
Here are five subtle traits of a self-assured person:
1. They normalize doubt
For many of us, it can feel isolating when we have doubts about our capabilities. One of the worst things you can do is to buy into the idea that you’re separate from everyone else — that you’re unique in your insecurities.
We’re all going through doubts, no matter how seemingly together we seem — please trust me on this. Doubt isn’t reserved for a select few weirdos.
A sense of doubt is a normal human response to existence and our growth within that reality. Whether we allow doubt to slowly cripple us is another issue, but don’t believe you’re the only one.
When we know this is an innately human condition, we sense our connection with each other. We can look straight into the eye of another man and know he too can doubt. This will lift you.
2. They recognize that not every emotion is rooted in reality
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This point alone could significantly minimize unnecessary doubt, so listen in. Doubt is always a thought. It is an idea we hold in our minds. Always.
It’s never an accurate representation of what is happening. It’s an approximation — a lie essentially — conjured up in an attempt to help but rarely helpful. When we understand this, we see that all feelings of doubt result from doubtful thoughts that — guess who — you made up in your head.
We can’t stop thoughts from arising, but we can stop holding on to them tight. If you have a doubtful thought, getting into the practice of letting go and moving on will bring relief, improve your performance, and change your life.
Doubt can be considered a distortion of reality when it manifests as a cognitive distortion, where individuals excessively question their perceptions or beliefs, leading to an inaccurate interpretation of situations. A 2020 analysis by Frontiers in Psychology found that they are often fueled by negative self-talk and overemphasizing potential adverse outcomes, even when evidence doesn't support such interpretations. This can be particularly prevalent in conditions like anxiety and depression, where doubt can become pervasive and significantly impact daily life.
3. They use doubt to fuel and motivate themselves
When we have doubt, whether when nervous before a meeting, a musical performance, or when we’re starting a new venture, it usually points at one thing: you need more experience. Here’s the issue: many of us confuse doubt from our lack of skills with personal inadequacy.
That’s plain dumb. It could be true that you need more practice to be more effective in something, but that has nothing to do with personal worth. Feeling doubt can point to a need to gain more skill in something — great. Use that, but don’t make it about you — make it about your lack of skill. Big difference.
Research published by the Journal of Psychology of Sport and Exercise indicates that a moderate level of self-doubt can act as a motivator by prompting individuals to work harder, seek feedback, and engage in self-reflection, leading to improved performance, mainly when channeled into a growth mindset where challenges are seen as opportunities to learn and develop skills. Excessive doubt, however, can be detrimental and lead to decreased motivation and self-efficacy.
4. They focus on the task, not on their shortcomings
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Ask a doubtful person who’s about to enter into something for which they have doubt, and you’ll often hear variations on the following:
‘I’m just not that kind of person.’
‘I don’t know whether I have the self-belief necessary to do this.’
‘Do you think I’m ready to just step in like this?’
‘I have personality issues that make me uniquely incapable of doing well at this.’
On and on. Wow, aren’t we creative at finding excuses in the face of things that scare us? Notice how every reason is self-conscious.
We make it about us. We do everything but the thing we most need whenever taking on a new venture: focus on the venture. I have found my doubt dissipates quickly when I forget myself and focus on creating a system that inspires action.
That system need only be as simple as deciding on my next single and simple step. Now we’re moving. Now it’s no longer personal, and we’re doing something while Nathan picks his nose in self-doubt.
A 2019 study indicates that doubt, particularly in the form of self-doubt, can have significantly negative effects on mental health, leading to lowered self-esteem, anxiety, poor performance, and even depression, showing that chronic self-doubt can be incredibly detrimental to well-being and decision-making abilities. However, research also suggests that a moderate level of doubt can promote critical thinking and open-mindedness.
5. They know that ‘self-belief’ doesn't eliminate doubt — action does
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Spend any time reading my stuff, and you’ll see one thing that separates me from the robotic gurus who parrot crap they hear from everyone else. You don’t need ‘self-belief’ to do things. You need to act. Many of us make things unwittingly harder for ourselves by trying to find this elusive self-belief. Screw that.
Focus, as we said, on your next steps and take action regardless of how you feel. Action creates belief effortlessly. You need not find it beforehand. That only creates more self-doubt.
Finally, know that whenever you feel insecure, you can see it as a sign you’re doing the right thing. You’re leaning into your edges and getting close to reaping the rewards of taking courage.
Keep going, dear warrior, even if a thousand voices scream at you to stop and take the easy route. We need your strength. Step into the fire.
Research from Ohio State University indicates that doubt significantly undermines self-belief, leading to negative impacts on self-esteem, motivation, performance, and overall mental health, with chronic self-doubt often linked to anxiety, depression, and a tendency to self-handicap behaviors to protect against perceived failures. Individuals with high self-doubt may struggle to take risks, avoid challenges, and attribute successes to external factors rather than their abilities.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient.