If You Can Overcome These 4 Fears, You'll Never Get Stuck In A Bad Relationship Again
Unhealthy relationship are often the result of a pattern of fear.
Getty Images | Unsplash Most of us have experienced an emotionally abusive relationship at some point in our lives. Sometimes, it is obvious that the relationship is bad. Other times, bad love sneaks up on us and, before we even realize it, we are already sucked in.
Bad relationships are dangerous for many reasons. The most harmful effects are they increase your stress, consume your energy, and destroy your self-esteem.
However, even after recognizing the patterns of unhealthy relationships, learning how to let go of your fears can still be very difficult.
Here are 4 fears to overcome so you'll never get stuck in a bad relationship again
1. The fear of never finding anyone else
It is perfectly normal to be afraid of what life will look like outside of the relationship. You may feel as though you will never find someone to love you or to spend your life with.
Oftentimes, unhealthy partners work to instill fear in you and make you feel as though you won't find anyone else, as shown by a study in the American Journal of Family Therapy. This is their way of manipulating you into staying in the relationship.
However, if you live your life based on fear, then you will never take chances. Growth can only happen when you choose to step outside of your comfort zone, even though sometimes the thought of stepping outside of your comfort zone can be paralyzing.
2. The fear of giving up on someone who can change
Bad relationships often breed codependency, which is the tendency to form unhealthy, one-sided, or abusive relationships. The co-dependent mindset can lead you to think you can help the other person become more kind, caring, and compassionate. Therefore, leaving a bad relationship does not even cross your mind because you believe they "need" you.
However, it is important to recognize you should not have to change the person you choose to spend your life with.
Therapist Gloria Brame explained the dynamic of change from a counseling point of view, "I have seen tremendous positive changes in client behaviors and choices over the course of therapy, no matter how difficult their problems are at the start. You do not change the person but you can relieve their anxieties, as suggested by an article in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, or change their attitude and empower them to make choices that align positively with who they already are. You cannot help someone to change if they aren't committed to making change. It's a partnership and they are 50% of the equation in successfully evolving to a better place in their lives."
3. The fear you won't survive without them
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When you have been dependent on someone for years or even decades, it can be hard to imagine yourself creating a life that does not include that person. You have likely lost sight of who you are, what you enjoy, and what is most important to you in life, which makes letting go of a bad relationship even more difficult.
Your partner has led you to believe this unhealthy environment is your "new normal" and your life is going to be like this forever. This does not have to be the case. Although it may seem daunting at first, you are capable of learning to survive on your own and eventually learning to love yourself again.
4. The fear of expecting too much
After being in an unhealthy relationship for a while, you can start to confuse chaos for love. The high "highs" and low "lows" of relationships can be addicting because many people thrive off of the chaos.
"Are you recognizing that, perhaps, the choices you are making are actually the reason you can’t get into a healthy relationship, asked relationship coach Mitzi Bockmann. Fortunately, knowing what these signs mean is the first step toward breaking the pattern. Having awareness is the key way to making change. People who look for chaos in relationships are often people who have dealt with things in their lives that have made them ill-prepared for a healthy relationship."
You may even look at the times in your relationship when there was no fighting, yelling, or threatening and feel as though these "calm" moments are boring because you are so used to always being on edge.
Chaos is not love. You should not be in a relationship where you have become used to it. Letting go of a bad relationship can be difficult, but you deserve more and are worth more than you may believe.
This article was written by Amanda Wiegert for Life Counseling Solutions.
Amanda Wiegart, LMHC, is a life coach who's passionate about helping people navigate all stages of life.