11 Essential Life Skills Parents Really Have To Start Teaching Their Kids Before College
If you want your children to be fully functioning adults, they need to know how to do all the adult things.
Jose Calsina / Shutterstock Parents spend the first 18 years of their kids’ lives tending to them on a practical and emotional level. They keep their kids safe and meet their daily needs. Ideally, parents provide unconditional love and support, creating a solid foundation for their kids to become confident, caring adults. While it’s part of a parent’s natural instinct to do everything they can for their kids, it ultimately does their kids a disservice once they leave home. Parents really have to start teaching their kids essential life skills before college to set them up for success.
College is an exciting, transformative time, yet kids are bound to go through major growing pains after leaving the comfort of their childhood home. The sooner kids learn essential life skills, the more prepared for college they’ll be.
Here are 11 essential life skills parents really have to start teaching their kids before college
1. Managing their schedule
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When kids are young, parents are very involved in making and managing their schedules. They keep a running list in their heads of everything their kids need to attend to, from finishing their science fair project to getting to soccer practice on time. It’s not uncommon for parents to go through their kids’ backpacks and read through their planners to keep them on track with homework. Yet at some point along their academic journey, kids need to be responsible for their own time management. They can’t bring their parents with them to college, which means they need to develop the skills to handle their own schedules.
Professional organizer Diane Quintana revealed that staying organized is as much a philosophical endeavor as it is a practical one. She described time management as the process a person takes to "coordinate tasks and activities within their day to maximize their efforts.”
Solid time management helps people focus, stay productive, and have more free time. According to Quintana, the first step of successful time management is to “Understand and acknowledge the most important things in your life.”
“Identify what you want to attend to on a regular basis [and] place your focus on things that support the way you want to live,” she advised.
She recommended dividing each day into segments, and tackling specific tasks at specific times. Some people are early birds who are most productive at the beginning of the day. Other people channel their nocturnal instincts and get their best work done by the light of the moon,
“Take advantage of your personal strengths and better organize your day so that you do your hardest, most challenging work when you know you are at your best,” Quintana concluded.
College is full of really fun opportunities for distraction, which is why teaching kids time management before they arrive on campus is so important.
2. Healthy ways to handle stress
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For as many positive opportunities college provides, it can also be a major source of stress, especially for kids who lack the essential skills to manage stress in healthy ways. As the American Psychological Association pointed out, experiencing some level of stress is an unavoidable part of life, but kids shouldn’t feel like they’re always struggling to stay afloat.
When acute stress becomes unmanageable, it can easily turn into chronic stress, which is way harder to come back from. The first step to releasing stress is knowing exactly what your stressors are. Some college kids experience sky-high anxiety during midterms, while others face exam periods like they’re any other day.
Once you’ve done some self-reflection to figure out what triggers your stress, you can try out various techniques to relieve that tension. Mindfulness meditation, breath work, and exercise help keep you present in your body and recenter yourself. Spending time outside helps you refocus and find a sense of calm.
Stress is easier to manage when you have social support in place. You might be far away from your family, but reaching out to the community you have on campus reminds you that you’re not totally alone. Talking to your roommate, your RA, or a therapist on campus can help you build up your resilience to tolerate stress.
3. Cooking basics
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Parents really have to teach kids their way around a kitchen before they leave for college. Without basic cooking knowledge, college kids keep a steady diet of ramen noodles, macaroni and cheese, and PB&J. While those childhood staples are delicious and comforting, they’re not the most balanced approach to nutrition.
Teaching kids how to cook teaches them essential skills for self-care. The act of planning meals, buying groceries, and preparing them gives kids the foundation they need to keep themselves well-fed.
Knowing how to cook makes them responsible for their own well-being. It gives them a sense of agency over at least one small part of their daily life. They learn that food is about more than staying full, it’s also a source of spiritual nourishment, joy, and connection.
4. Keeping a clean living space
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College is an exercise in communal living, which is why cleaning is such an essential life skill for parents to teach their kids before they leave home. According to Harvard University, kids who start doing chores early on in their lives gain more than just a practical understanding of cleaning up, they also learn empathy, responsibility, and a sense of self-efficacy.
Asking kids to set the table, put their laundry away, and pick up their toys helps them understand the labor that keeps a household running. Doing chores encourage kids to think outside of their own experience.
When kids pitch in around the house, they learn the invaluable lesson that caring for other people includes taking care of the space they share with each other. They learn that their contributions matter.
Instead of letting dishes pile up in the sink and waiting for their roommate to wash them, kids who have learned how to maintain a home take initiative and clean up after themselves.
5. Budgeting
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Financial literacy is one of the most essential life skills parents can teach their kids before college. Sending kids out into the world without a basic understanding of money management can cause them serious harm. Having candid conversations about spending and saving money sets kids up for success in college and beyond. For many incoming college students, budgeting feels scary and overwhelming, but parents can help by breaking the concept down into easily digestible pieces.
The University of Pennsylvania shared several approaches that college students can take to make a budget. Budgeting is an individualized process and there’s no one-size-fits-all method. College kids and their parents should keep in mind that learning financial literacy is a process, and it might take some trial and error to find a system that suits them.
With the 50/20/30 budget, 50% of net income should go to needs, 20% goes to savings, and 30% goes to wants. This method requires college kids to track how much money they’re bringing in and how to allocate it. They have to differentiate between needs and wants, which isn’t necessarily easy, but it is essential.
College kids can also use the “Pay Yourself First” method, in which they put money into savings at the beginning of every month, then pay bills, and then, they can use the remaining money however they choose.
For a more analog budgeting experience, there’s the envelope method. Put money into envelopes that represent all the expenses they need to budget for. One envelope is for rent, one for school supplies, one for groceries, and so on.
Ideally, sticking to a budget helps college kids build up savings, even if it’s a small amount, so they have a financial safety net they can access if there’s ever an emergency.
6. Scheduling appointments
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Another essential aspect of adulthood parents should teach their kids before college is scheduling their own appointments and doing all the follow-up work, like checking with insurance and managing prescriptions. Parents are so accustomed to setting up their kids’ dental and medical care that it might not occur to them how much their kids need to learn that skill for themselves.
Navigating the healthcare system in America is an annoyance at best and a major challenge at worst. Giving kids the tools they need to take care of their own health needs is crucial. Parents should also try to reinforce the importance of regular check-ups, so that small issues don’t become medical emergencies down the road.
While calling doctor’s offices and taking the time to actually go to appointments isn’t exactly a college student’s idea of a good time, it’s a necessary part of being independent and having agency over their own lives.
7. Proper communication skills
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A life skill that’s easily overlooked yet crucial to college kids’ success is learning how to communicate in a professional way. The current generation of college kids were born into a fully digital era. They’re well-versed in texting and TikTok, but they don’t always know how to communicate in a more formal way. A large swath of Gen Z kids are wildly averse to leaving voicemails, which is another essential form of communication they need to learn as they make their way in the world.
Writing emails with proper punctuation and a polite tone can make or break their search for jobs and internships. College kids don’t necessarily know the proper etiquette to follow for self-advocating in a high-stakes academic setting. These skills are fairly simple but not always intuitive. If they can’t make the deadline for an assignment, they should know that they can’t wait until the day before it’s due to tell their professor.
Understanding how to properly communicate is a foundational skillset that kids should learn before heading off to college.
8. Regulating their emotions
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A significant part of a parent’s role is guiding their kids through the ups and downs of their emotional landscapes. Kids need to learn how to regulate their emotions before college so they can build strong, lasting relationships and feel like they’re capable of handling whatever the world throws their way.
Psychologist Nick Wignall offered insight on how to establish emotional balance, which starts with letting yourself live with your emotions, no matter how uncomfortable it feels.
“The harder you try to escape painful emotions, the more you intensify them,” he explained. “When you lean into painful emotions by acknowledging them and accepting them, you allow them to run their course and dissipate.”
Once you allow your emotions to exist, you’re then able to validate them, which helps you move through them. “Emotionally balanced people don’t experience fewer or less intense emotions than the rest of us. Instead, they’re better equipped to handle whatever emotions they find themselves with,” Wignall revealed.
Emotional regulation is a lifelong process, one that requires staying in touch with yourself and being self-reflective.
“The health of your relationship with yourself depends, like any relationship, on making time to take care of and nurture it,” Wignall concluded.
9. Setting goals
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Setting goals is something that’s often assumed to be intuitive, but really, it’s a learned skill, and an essential one at that. Parents help their kids determine their values, which are a core part of any goal that’s worth working toward. They can also help their kids understand the importance of both short-term and long-term goals, and how to differentiate between the two.
There are several mental benefits to setting goals. When kids have a clear sense of what they want, they can figure out the steps they need to take to make their dreams a reality. Setting goals helps them build focus and stay persistent. It also lays the foundation for kids to be intrinsically motivated, meaning that they find a sense of satisfaction simply from the act of pursuing their desired outcome.
Setting goals is a way for college kids to challenge themselves, and achieving their small goals helps them reach their larger goals. Studying for a midterm is a small goal, which can help them earn their degree and find work in a field they’re passionate about.
While it might be tempting to dive straight into their long-term goals, setting specific, accessible goals keeps the process easier to manage.
10. Respectful conflict resolution
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College provides kids the singular opportunity to be completely surrounded by other kids their age. Respectful conflict resolution is a crucial element for building a community that sustains and nourishes them. While throwing tantrums or going quiet are developmentally appropriate for younger children who don’t know how to handle their emotions, by the time kids enter college, they need to know how to manage conflicts in a more constructive way.
They’re bound to run up against other kids with opposing perspectives and alternate points of view, which will ultimately require them to discuss their own position with clarity and compassion. Collaborative conflict resolution can create a sense of mutual respect, unity, and shared purpose.
The first steps for respectful and assertive conflict resolution include defining the source of the conflict and discussing it in a direct way. Cultivating curiosity and open-mindedness makes it easier to find common ground. Taking accountability for their role in the conflict and staying empathic are crucial parts of finding a solution that works for everyone involved.
11. Making informed decisions
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Before kids get to college, their parents really have to teach them how to make thoughtful, informed decisions. College is a full sensory experience. Outside of class, there are parties, club meetings, and a thousand other ways students can spend their time. Parents steer their kids’ decision-making process when they’re young, but if they hold on too tight to the controls, their kids don’t learn that essential life skill for themselves.
According to The Child Mind Institute, teaching kids to make informed decisions is a balancing act between letting them make mistakes and learn from them, and rescuing them from harm if needed. Parents can ease into this life-long lesson by letting their kids make small decisions to start, which helps them develop their intuition and a sense of self-trust.
“If we give them little opportunities to make their own decisions, then they’ll know what to do in those bigger opportunities because they’ve had training,” clinical psychologist Rachel Busman shared.
She pointed out how valuable it is for parents to know when to step in and when to step back.
“Parents sometimes want to shield their kids from difficult emotions, but those painful feelings give us feedback to help us make the right decisions. They’re not dangerous. We need to let kids experience the consequences of bad decisions and work through them. That’s how we’re going to help our kids become adults in the world,” Dr. Busman concluded.
Parents can’t keep kids wrapped in their warm, protective embrace forever, as much as they might want to. At some point, parents have to nudge their kids out of the proverbial nest, so they can spread their wings and soar.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.