10 Mistakes Nearly All New Parents Makes And Learn Big Lessons From
Parenting has a steep learning curve and it's OK if you're still on it.
Nathan Dumlao | Unsplash As a first-time parent, there are always things you do because you're a nervous newbie who's learning on the go. Or in other words, new parenting is trial-by-fire, and sometimes it can be explosive, especially those breastfed baby poops.
The good news is, we've all made a bunch of mistakes — and we all learn from them. So don't be afraid if you've made some (or all!) of these and know that it's how you recover from them that really counts.
Here are 10 mistakes nearly every new parent makes (and then learns from):
1. Throwing over-the-top birthday parties.
Since my former husband and I started celebrating our daughter's birthday with a big celebration, expectations have been set high. To pull back and say, "Oh, let's just have family over for cake" right now would be an epic fail because expectations have fallen into place. This does NOT mean that I can't say, "Hey, daughter, parties are expensive. Let's scale down this year," but it does make it more complicated.
Truthfully, I have one child, and I don't mind celebrating her birthday in style, especially for the first birthday (which is really a party for the parents, but maybe I would've gone more low-key after that until kindergarten). Once you set the bar high with anything in life, it's hard to lower it; it's key in all aspects of parenthood to set realistic expectations for our children.
2. Delaying hiring a reliable babysitter.
As a single mom, I have a babysitter that I can rely on now. However, when my daughter was first born,, it took me a long time (years) to find a stable babysitter who could stay with us for the long term. I had one wonderful babysitter, but she had to leave for a full-time position, and after that, I didn't rush to find someone new, primarily due to financial reasons.
I should've gotten on top of that because even if you're broke, you must pay for good family care backup. A family member will be more trusted than a stranger, but you can't always tell your family what to do with your kid (because the person may not listen), and at the time, I had issues with my former mother-in-law.
Plus, my parents are older and don't have the same energy they once did. Having someone to call as a "just in case" is a brilliant idea. I missed many opportunities because I had no reliable help and couldn't leave my daughter alone.
3. Overbuying baby clothes.
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In the beginning, I went a little crazy with my daughter; honestly, items were left hanging with tags and bows that were never worn. Now, I under-buy and have to make purchases mid-season because I underestimated. Did my daughter need that many bows? Um, no, unless she planned on growing up to be a Christmas present.
Be careful not to go too crazy buying clothing, especially if you have a girl; they tear through clothes. Borrow from friends. Hand-me-downs rock. And don't worry about it being a "hand-me-down."
4. Stressing over minor accidents.
Toddlers and infants fall. Repeatedly. Guess what? They survive. But it drove me crazy watching my daughter toddle around and — smack! — hit her head on something. I felt like a bad parent when it was just a developmental stage and had nothing to do with me as a person. What parent can prevent all falls?
Your kid will survive if it's not a massive fall. It's hard when you're a new parent, and it's the first time you've had to worry about padding a coffee table, and suddenly, every area of your house looks like a danger zone.
5. Staying with the wrong pediatrician.
I switched pediatricians at the end of her first year of life, but I wished I had switched sooner. I felt skeptical of some of her first doctor's advice and bedside manner, and I should've acted quickly.
Was he a stable doctor? Yes. Did he have good advice? Sure. Was he the right doctor for our family? No, and I should've trusted my instincts sooner. He wasn't harmful, but I doubted myself too much. Don't doubt yourself! If a doctor doesn't seem right or doesn't work with your personality, switch ASAP.
6. Obsessing over cleanliness.
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It's good for kids to get messy. Of course, my daughter's father and I are neat freaks, and so is my child, but I wished I had encouraged her to make a mess more often. It's freeing, and little outdoor germs and mud never hurt anyone but your carpets.
7. Forcing weaning too soon.
I decided to wean my daughter for a medical reason at thirteen months old. There was nothing I could've done to change that decision. I feel excellent about how I raised her as an infant and toddler and what I currently do with her today, but I would've been happier if I let her self-wean.
I felt strongly that she should decide when nursing was over, but my health dictated that we wean right away. It wasn't sudden or mishandled, but the process happened faster than I would've liked. Thankfully, my daughter handled it pretty well and didn't seem distraught.
8. Waiting to introduce veggies.
Andrey Aboltin | Shutterstock
My former husband and I used a modified version of baby-led weaning with our child, and she's turned out to be a great eater. However, I introduced raw veggies late, so she prefers raw carrots. Introducing them at four years old is more challenging than presenting them at two years old or sooner.
She will eat cooked vegetables (broccoli, carrots, peas), but to all parents, introduce as many new foods as possible as soon as your child can handle chewing them. The later you wait to teach them, the harder it will be. I'm thankful we gave her a great variety of foods and flavors, but perhaps I just thought that raw veggies were more of an adult food. Don't forget to add them to your little one's plate.
9. Letting in-laws’ comments get to you.
I wish I had cared less about others' comments about my parenting, particularly those of my ex-in-laws. It was wasted energy to worry about such things. If you have a family member or friend with whom you never agree, you most likely won't agree with them on parenting, so drop the small fights, pick your battles wisely, and ignore unnecessary rude comments.
Keep doing what you're doing. Don't let yourself get down because you aren't on this earth to please everyone. The most important people who should be happy are your child and you (and your spouse if you have one). Someone will always have something to say about your parenting.
10. Not picking your battles.
Did Grandma buy another stuffed toy? Just say thank you, zip your lips, and don't complain to grandma. It's useless; she will do it again, and again, and again. Instead, re-gift or return the gifts for something you need. Someone will always get you useless baby stuff. Just trust me.
Laura Lifshitz writes about divorce, relationships, parenting, and marriage for YourTango, The New York Times, Women’s Health, Working Mother, and Pop Sugar.