Men Who Are Nice On The Surface But Awful Underneath Display These 15 Signs
The type of guy who is slick at hiding his terrible side.
Getty Images | Unsplash The problem with modern dating is there are just too many awful men, and many of them work diligently to make sure they don't seem awful right off the bat. While some might try and fail at hiding how terrible they are, some are pretty slick at hiding it.
Here are 15 signs of men who are nice on the surface but awful underneath
1. His behavior seems like it's an act
He's polite — perhaps overly so. He's laughing at your jokes, but it seems forced. When he's talking about relationships, he's already discussing your future children's names. If your gut is saying he isn't completely serious, chances are he's just putting up a front so he can get some satisfaction.
Dating coaches Orna and Matthew Walters recommended " Notice if the guy you’re dating is striving to discover what makes you happy and doing his best to deliver it to you. This will let you know he sees you and your happiness as a priority in his life.
"The perception of men not caring about what a partner wants is often linked to societal expectations of traditional masculinity, which emphasizes stoicism, dominance, and emotional suppression. This can lead some men to struggle with actively listening to and prioritizing their partner's needs and desires, a 2016 study found. This can manifest as appearing dismissive or uninterested in their partner's feelings."
2. His past has a lot of drama related to women
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He has an ex who won't stop yelling at him. Another woman is suing for child support. He's denying being the father of a child. He's been caught cheating on a former fiancée. Whatever the deal is, you can be sure a guy who has insane amounts of drama in his love life has received that hate because of his awful actions.
3. He doesn't seem to want to spend money on dates
There are only so many times stargazing and Netflix can be considered romantic. If he never seems to shell out a dollar on a restaurant or a museum trip, he might be an awful guy just looking for a cheap date.
4. He blows people off without warning, then expects them to just "deal with it"
This is a classic awful guy move, and stealth guys might just give a warning they are very "busy" with their careers. Even if they are busy, quality men still find time for the ones they want. Even if you only see him doing it to others, it's a bad sign. What's stopping him from doing it to you, eventually?
5. He has a lot of female friends who give uneasy vibes
Oh, he swears they're "just friends," but he still won't let you meet them. If you press the issue, he accuses you of being jealous for no reason. If you have met them, the women always seem like they're staring razors into you. Moreover, he never introduces you to them as a girlfriend. To them, you're just "his friend," too.
6. He treats you well, but he treats other people around him like dirt
This is a sign he's only sweet to you to get something from you.
Confidence coach Fabienne Slama advised, " If the person you're going on a date with is nasty or dismissive to the waiter at the bar or to the coffee shop you are going to, this is a huge red flag. Kindness is an essential value in life and a person that is not kind in the most basic way will probably be unkind to you down the road."
7. His date locations are suspiciously lazy
He invites you to his apartment, to the coffee shop near his apartment, or the all-you-can-eat buffet near his apartment. The reason why his date ideas seem so effortless is he's an awful guy who doesn't like the idea of putting in work.
8. He's overly proud of his career
At first, this seems like a great thing, but be careful! A guy who can't stop boasting about how much money he makes, what firm he works at, or his Ivy League degree often feels like he's entitled to your body because he's successful. He might even say he "deserves" a modelesque woman because of how hard he works. Attitudes like this don't get any more awful.
9. He only talks about himself
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Awful guys seek validation by using women. They don't see women as people with interests. Rather, they see women as objects to make them feel validated. If he's only talking about himself, it's very likely he just wants you to sit there, validate him, and give in to him.
10. He tests people
Awful men want to see how much they can get away with before they show their true colors. Don't tolerate his manipulation.
11. "Sorry" isn't in his vocabulary
Because admitting he's a failure would be admitting defeat.
Relationship coach Todd Reed explained, " Dragging an apology out of someone who isn't willing to cough one up will just lead to more frustration and resentment. What's more, you could end up feeling even more sorry if you tried to squeeze an apology out of him. If it's not heartfelt, it's just not worth it."
12. He says, "Take it slow and see where it goes"
This is a classic line that typically means the same things as "I don't know what I want" or "I'm not looking for anything serious." In other words, he's not serious about you.
13. He's overly obsessed with "finding himself"
It's not that a guy who says this can't be tied down, it's that a guy who is usually talking about traveling the world before they marry is using that excuse as a reason to avoid commitment.
14. Gym and club-hopping are his life
Shallow activities tend to suggest a shallow person underneath it all. If he's constantly focused on looking good and living a music video-ready life, he's quite likely an awful guy who just wants to show off his arm candy.
15. His idea of spirituality is suspiciously like a pickup line
Looking at you, Mr. Tantra .
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.