10 Secrets Women Must Know To Truly Understand Men, According To Female Pick-Up Artist
Look into the minds of men through a pick-up artist's lens.
Nemanja Novakovic | Shutterstock Yes, it's true. I was one of those women who taught men how to pick up women. It was a job I stumbled upon online while trying to learn what other guys were thinking when they approached me.
What ended up happening during the summer I worked as a pick-up artist instructor was that I learned secrets about men that helped me understand them in ways most people will never be able to do.
Here are secrets women must know about men to truly understand them:
1. A lot of men don't see women as people
Yes, it's true. A lot, and I do mean a lot, of men saw women more or less like inhuman gatekeepers to their happiness. I can't name how many times I had to explain to guys women are just like men when it comes to their basic needs.
We all want to be loved, desired, and with people who treasure us. We all want a partnership of sorts. And it's scary how many guys don't believe that.
Dating coach Ronnie Ann Ryan recommended, "he needs to prove himself to you and earn your trust. Observe him to see if he pursues you consistently (at least weekly), is a man of his word, spends time with you, respects your schedule, and doesn't exhibit any controlling behaviors. Don't overthink this. There are plenty of great guys out there to date who want a genuine relationship."
2. Men are misguided about what women want
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A common complaint I heard among men I had to "reprogram" is that women want the "three sixes." The three sixes were a 6-foot height, a 6-figure salary, and a 6-pack. The real truth is women want a guy who is stable, confident, smart, attractive and offers some form of security. As long as you act decent, have some kind of job, and don't act like an axe murderer, you have a chance.
3. Media has warped how men think women want to be treated
Thanks to Dating Sims, social media, romantic comedies, and sitcoms, most guys assume women want a guy who doesn't take no for an answer, which is also supported by research from Psychology of Popular Media Culture. I've also met quite a few guys who seemed to think buying dinner would entitle them to physical intimacy.
In reality, it doesn't work that way at all. Unfortunately, getting guys to listen to me meant I'd have to deprogram decades of what mainstream media was telling them.
4. Men are just as insecure as women, if not more so
If you think women are insecure, wait until you hear about insecure men. A guy will call you up in a panic because he can't figure out whether or not his cologne is too strong. And, wait until you hear all the things men have done to hide bald spots or hear them sobbing to you over the phone because a date got botched.
Marriage counselor David McFadden explained how men's insecurities can drive their paranoia, "No matter the reasoning behind your actions and the things you have to say, an insecure man consistently reads between the lines. He may read things into the look on your face, the tone of your voice, or the words you choose to use. He quickly assigns negative motives to accuse you of things you would never say, do, or think."
5. Men don't get the same emotional support women do
When a guy is insecure, you never will hear someone give them a pep talk or take them shopping. When it comes to emotional support, women get a lot more backup than men do. After realizing how little support guys get, I tried to make a point of complimenting my guy friends more often and being there for them more often.
6. Many men rate women's bodies
PeopleImages.com -via Yuri A | Shutterstock
And yes, it's just as grimy as it sounds. Sorry.
7. The dating scene burns out men, too
I can't name how many men had come to me asking for help on the verge of giving up. It was eye-opening. At least one guy I met had sunk into a deep depression because of it.
8. Men get stuck on women, too
It's not a constant player "onto the next" game with guys. They do get stuck on an ex, and they often get stuck harder than women do. The reason you don't hear about it is guys are often terrified to admit their feelings about certain women.
9. Most men see dating as a numbers game
This is what my teachings often boiled down to with guys. If they keep trying to talk to women, eventually, someone will say they are interested. And that same theory holds for women.
Life coach Lisa Schultz further explained the importance of dating more than one guy at a time, "When you date just one man, you tend to over-analyze everything. This mind focus can be on how many hours since the last text message, re-reading a text or email to see if you wrote it well or made a mistake, making incorrect assumptions of what he's thinking, visualizing the wedding and where to have it, and generalized obsessive thinking that can only make you crazy."
10. Many men would benefit from self-improvement
Most of the guys I taught were just awkward dudes who needed to learn how to be a better version of themselves. They needed clothing advice. They needed a pep talk before they talked to women. They needed a better idea of how to handle rejection.
With a little work, they turned into very desirable men. Who's to say we can't all do the same?
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.