9 Subtle Ways Your Body Tells You A Person's Not For You, Way Before Your Brain Does
Sometimes your body knows a person isn't right for you before your brain does.
Gpoint Studio | Canva We all have heard happily married people say, “You’ll know immediately when you’ve found the right one to be with.” Common wisdom suggests that it’s almost instinctual as if your body just knows you’ll be okay with that individual. It’s a romantic thing that we’ve all encountered or hope to encounter one day.
Believe it or not, the opposite concept is very true, too. Studies have shown that our bodies will often signal that we need to stay away from someone sooner than our hearts or minds will. How do you find your soulmate? These signs tell you he's not.
Make no mistake about it, if you notice yourself reacting in the following ways, these are all signs he's not the one and that your own body is trying to tell you to leave someone be.
Here are the subtle ways your body tells you a person's not for you before your brain does:
1. You feel tense around them
A common thing that happens when someone isn’t right for you is a pervasive feeling of tension, even when no reason has been given to be worried or stressed near that person. If you find yourself constantly on edge around them, they’re not the one for you.
2. You feel like their body language is off
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Maybe it’s the fact that his eye contact seems empty to you, or that his smile doesn’t seem fully genuine. Perhaps it’s that his body language is aggressive but doesn’t match what he’s saying.
Our subconscious tends to pick up on tiny details about a person’s body language and facial expressions that we consciously cannot. Once again, if you’re getting the vibe his body language isn’t right, you’re better off listening to it.
When someone's body language seems off, it could be interpreted as a sign of discomfort, nervousness, dishonesty, or a lack of engagement. Depending on the context and cultural norms, cues like avoiding eye contact, crossed arms, fidgeting, tense posture, or a rapid blinking rate can often signal this. A 2010 study found that a large portion of communication is nonverbal, meaning body language plays a significant role in interpreting someone's emotions and intentions.
3. You feel like the vibes are just off
That’s the best way to explain what that vibe feels like. Simply put, a person who’s honest with you will not give off the vibe that there’s some sort of secret dealing that will hurt you later on.
4. You don't like the way a person naturally smells
No, I’m not talking about his switch from Armani to Versace Cologne. I’m talking about his natural scent. This sounds weird, but believe it or not, research backs it up. We tend to be happiest with mates that have pheromones that jive with our own. These partnerships tend to produce stronger children and also tend to be more long-lasting. If you feel like his smell “changed,” that’s your body’s way of saying you’re over him.
Finding someone's smell unattractive can be a significant factor in determining romantic attraction. It is often linked to subconscious cues about potential genetic compatibility and overall health. A 2021 study showed that people are more likely to be drawn to the scent of individuals with dissimilar immune systems, which could lead to healthier offspring. If someone's smell is unappealing, it could signal a potential biological incompatibility, impacting attraction and desire for a relationship.
5. You can’t explain it, but even if you’re happy with them, your gut tells you something isn't right
There are a lot of people who have perfect-on-paper relationships but run away without a second thought. Why? Because, though it was allegedly perfect, they felt something wasn’t right.
More often than not, your gut instinct is what keeps you alive and safe. Many, many people out there claim to have avoided certain dangers by listening to their initial feelings about a person and running the other way, even when others claimed that the guy was “alright.”
If your guts are telling you to run, don’t bother sticking around just to be “nice” to someone — run! It’s better to be a jerk than a statistic.
6. You can’t take your eyes off them — but not in a good way
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This habit may or may not come with a feeling of fear. This is often a sign that you’re subconsciously picking up on a predator, much like the way deer tend to stare at hunters in the forest.
Research has found that this is often linked to a phenomenon called attentional adhesion. In this phenomenon, someone's appearance, behavior, or presence captures your attention involuntarily, often due to a perceived threat, negative traits, or a sense of discomfort, making it difficult to look away even if you don't want to.
A study by psychologists at Florida State University investigated how people are drawn to look at attractive potential mates but also at individuals perceived as rivals or threats, highlighting the automatic nature of this attentional process.
7. Even when you positively interact with them, you’re left with a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach
If you’ve ever been around a sociopath, chances are that you know that weird, borderline-queasy vibe you get around someone bad for you. It’s an unmistakable feeling that often comes with feelings of dread, self-doubt, or general unease.
That feeling in the pit of your stomach is your body’s way of saying, “Don’t trust this guy!” So, listen to it. A group of YourTango experts including the late renowned American anthropologist Helen Fisher explained that your gut feeling comes from "the enteric nervous system (ENS), which is completely separate from the nervous system that’s controlled by your brain." This process relies on memories and instincts to help carve a path that would keep you safe.
8. You're not physically compatible with them
Physical attraction is a thing that can tell you if you would be compatible in at least one way. No physical compatibility means that it won’t work out long-term, and while other signs he's not the one on this list may be more pressing, a lack of attraction does mean that a lasting romantic relationship with him isn’t in the cards.
9. The idea that you will be with that person for the rest of your life makes your blood run cold or makes you feel slightly sick
Yeah, that’s your body’s way of telling you “Heck no!” If that’s the reaction you’re getting when you think of being with him forever, you are not meant to be.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.