9 Things Men Do When They Have No Plans To Commit
If these signs sound familiar, a man has no intention of building a future with you.
Urilux | Canva There are a lot of men out there who talk about how “they’re looking for marriage” only to date girls for years, eventually leaving them because they “weren’t ready.” I know this because both my best friend and I have been on the receiving end of that — and it’s brutal.
This practice wastes your time, makes you feel used, and worse, gives you the feeling that you weren’t “good enough” for him to marry. I call these “engaged on principle, placeholder in action” kinds of relationships, also known as Fool’s Gold relationships. This is because the relationship looks nice on the outside, but deep down, it's fake and a man has no plans to commit to you.
Here are the things men do when they have no plans to commit:
1. Flirts with other women
A man who is serious about marrying you will not be on the prowl for other ladies. When guys act this way, it’s their way of “keeping their options open” and it shows where his mind’s really at.
So, don’t stay with this guy. At best, you’ll marry a serial cheater. At worst, you’ll waste your time and wreck your self-esteem.
2. Mooches off you
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Gold diggers aren’t always female, and in many cases, they’ll propose just so that they can keep the gravy train going. The thing is, some guys might marry you if they’re enjoying the free ride. However, a surprising amount will just let the gravy train keep going until you put your foot down about marriage.
Consistently paying someone's bills while contributing little to the shared finances can be interpreted as a sign of a lack of commitment in a relationship. A 2023 study explained that it creates an imbalance of power and responsibility, potentially indicating that one partner is not fully invested in the partnership and may be taking advantage of the other's financial support.
3. Claims he's still 'not ready' despite years of being together
Statistically speaking, the chances of a man proposing to shoot down considerably after the first 3 years of dating. If he makes a point of maintaining the status quo and brushing marriage under the mat, this is one of the big signs he won't marry you.
4. Comes up with excuses as to why he can’t set a wedding date
He’s “too busy.” He’s “just about to get ready.” Yeah, sure. If he can’t come up with a date, he does not want to marry you — and is just engaged to you because it’ll shut you up.
When someone avoids setting a wedding date by making excuses despite wanting to be with their partner, it often indicates a lack of commitment stemming from underlying anxieties about marriage, fear of commitment, or a desire to maintain personal freedom. A 2011 study found that this leads them to rationalize their hesitation through justifications rather than directly address their internal conflict.
5. Keeps his family and friends separate from you
This is something my ex did, and I should have understood what it meant. When a guy does this, he’s making it crystal clear that you are not his family, nor will you ever be. If he felt otherwise, he’d make a serious effort to see you hanging out with his loved ones.
6. Dangles an engagement ring as a prize
Did he dangle it as a prize for you to earn? Did you have to threaten to leave, guilt him, and nag him to get it? Newsflash: he’s probably not going to marry you if he had to be dragged, kicking and screaming, to the jewelry shop.
2011 research explained that a lack of commitment often translates to a reluctance to fully invest in a relationship, manifesting as an uphill battle to get engaged. The individual might hesitate to take that significant step towards a long-term commitment, leading to delays, evasiveness, or outright resistance to discussing marriage, even when their partner is ready.
7. Speaks evasively about the future
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A guy who wants to marry will constantly talk about how he’s planning the apartment, which wedding venue he wants, or how he can’t wait to see you in a dress.
A guy who will propose but won’t marry you simply will be evasive about any plans whatsoever, even when it comes to moving in together or planning holidays together.
8. Claims he’s 'against marriage' but still proposed
Yeah, this is a key sign that you’re in a Fool’s Gold marriage. If a man says he’s “against marriage” or not into the idea of marrying, understand that he’s serious about it when he says that.
The ring? Well, that’s called “going through the motions.” When someone claims to be against marriage but proposes, it can often indicate a complex mix of feelings related to commitment. This might stem from a fear of commitment.
The person might be drawn to the idea of a relationship but resist the finality and restrictions of marriage, even while deeply caring for their partner. A 2020 study from Cambridge University found that this can manifest as proposing while simultaneously expressing reservations about marriage.
9. Makes you feel like you need to sell him on marriage
This is never a good sign and often suggests that neither he nor you value yourself enough. If you need to sell him on commitment, he’s an idiot and you’re a fool for staying with him.
By the time you’ve gotten to this point, he’s made up his mind that you’re not what he wants and you’re trying to revive a relationship that’s D.O.A. When someone feels the need to sell their partner on marriage due to a perceived lack of commitment, it often stems from deep-seated insecurity and a fear of abandonment.
They overcompensate by trying to convince their partner of the benefits of marriage, even if the partner isn't fully ready or on the same page about commitment. A 2022 study concluded this can be fueled by a desire for stability and a fear of losing the relationship if they don't actively push for marriage.
If you were reading this hoping that you would be able to just avoid this or explain away his behavior, sorry. Most people will know when someone’s not down for jumping the broom.
And if you’re reading an article trying to figure out what’s going on, chances are your relationship may not pan out.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.