10 Sweet Phrases Truly Great Spouses Say To Their Partners Daily
Marriage is long and hard, but a little effort can keep it healthy.
dekazigzag via Shutterstock Being happily married is the dream for most people. The idea of having a spouse to share their lives, whisper sweet phrases to, and love unconditionally is why there are Internet dating sites and relationship coaches. When we are lucky enough to get one, we are happy.
Unfortunately, what often happens in long-term marriages is we start taking each other for granted and, even worse, the appearance of contempt for the familiar. We might still love each other but we might no longer appreciate each other.
It is important that, if this has happened in your marriage, to nip it in the bud. The best way to do that? To dig deep, reconnect with what you love about your person, and show your spouse gratitude for their existence in your life by saying sweet phrases that can make all the difference. Make it a project that you do together!
10 phrases great spouses say to their partners to keep the connection alive
1. You make me feel so happy
When we are first in a relationship with someone, when feelings are developing and love ultimately comes, we are very good at sharing our feelings with someone. It is all so new and fresh and we want to shout our feelings from the rooftops. However, when we are in a marriage, we often stop being verbal with our partner about how we are feeling.
This happens especially because I have learned in my work, with men. I often ask my male clients how often they tell their wives they love them (outside of the standard "I love you" when hanging up the phone). The answer I usually get is 'I don't need to tell her — she knows.'
Well, let me tell you — she might not know.
Men are probably worse at telling their spouses they love them because they are not experts at communication like women are. And that is OK. But everyone needs to strengthen their communication muscle so we can express our feelings for our spouse and make them feel our gratitude we have them in our lives, as demonstrated in 2003 research. So tell her how she makes you feel: happy, loved, safe or whatever words feel accurate.
2. You look so cute
When your spouse walks into the room, do you notice them? Do you notice if they took particular care getting ready or if they are dirty from the garden but look cute? And, if you do notice them, do you tell them you like what you see?
Again, as we get more comfortable in relationships, it can be hard to remember to notice our spouses and then acknowledge we like what we see. But it is important to show your spouse gratitude and let them know you still find them as cute, elegant, beautiful (or another authentic adjective) as you did in the beginning.
3. Can I join you?
When my husband and I were first dating, I used to get involved in his car projects. He is renovating an old Ford truck and I would get out in the garage and get dirty and greasy with him. I genuinely enjoyed doing this and it was a fun thing we did together.
Now, however, six years later, you will rarely find me in the garage working on his cars with him, something he does every weekend. The fact that I don't do it hasn't caused him any resentment but, whenever I do offer to spend a few hours with him, he is so happy. So, I do it occasionally and we always enjoy our time together!
4. You're my #1 priority
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This is another way to make sure your spouse knows you are grateful they are in your life — making them a priority.
Life is busy with kids, work, hobbies, and extended family, and for some reason, it is usually the spouses who get relegated to the back of the line. This is because we assume they are OK with it and we believe they will always be there when we have time for them.
Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. My ex-husband left me because, among other reasons, he was at the back of my priority line. My new husband is much closer to the top of my priority list and sometimes even at the top. And he appreciates this, and it feels really good for me to feel his appreciation and only makes me want to do it more often.
5. Can I help? I'd like to if I can
My husband is building a boat shed for his Ford car project. It looks like an upside-down hull (hence the name), and it is not an easy project. Because it's hard to get skilled labor these days, he is building it himself. It is not an easy job, so every weekend, I am out there helping him build it.
It is quite fun for me. I am up on 10-foot ladders, drilling in bolts. I am digging up sod. I am holding the other end of arches that are hard to manage. At the end of the day, I am tired and maybe sore but it has been a lovely day, being outside with him, helping him build something very meaningful to him.
6. When do you feel most loved?
An essential part of showing gratitude for your spouse is to learn their love language.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with love languages, it works like this. Each person has one of four things that make them feel loved — quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and gift-giving.
The rub is if we don't know our spouse's love language, we won't know what to do to make them feel loved. Research on love languages and marital satisfaction supports how if we don't know their love language, we will probably try to make them feel loved with what we need to feel loved.
An example of this is, let's say you feel wonderful when you are being hugged or holding hands. This means one of your love languages is physical touch. Great. You can encourage your spouse to give you hugs often. But let's say your spouse's love language is not physical touch but quality time; what is most important to them is they get quality time with you. This, not hugging, is what makes them feel loved.
So, if you want your spouse to know how much you appreciate them being in your life, learn their love language and make them feel loved.
7. Thank you
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Yes, we can be outwardly appreciative of our spouses and that is good. But, it is also important we are thankful for them in our heads. Why? Because we want our gratitude to be genuine.
Of course, our spouses can drive us crazy sometimes, maybe even often, but, focusing on the bad stuff in your mind and putting the good stuff to the side won't help you feel good about your spouse - it will only make you resent them.
So, make an effort to catalog those good things your partner does, and stay in touch with how you feel about them so you can show your spouse gratitude authentically.
8. I respect that
If your partner asks you to do something or to support him in doing something he wants to do, to show your spouse gratitude it is important you respect their wishes, as demonstrated in a study of effective communication in marriage.
If something is important enough they present it to a spouse, it means their need is significant. If you just write off something they want to do, they definitely won't feel loved.
This holds for behaviors as well. If your husband asks you not to get angry with him so quickly, work hard to do so. If he annoys you, take a deep breath and stay calm. If your wife asks you to make it home on time for family dinner, make every effort to do so.
9. Thank you
So many husbands tell me their wives never thank them for what they do. They say they go out of their way to do something nice for them only to be met with silence. The same holds with women who feel like they aren't appreciated for everything they do to keep the home front running smoothly.
We must recognize what our spouses do for us with a thank you. After all, how difficult is it to do so?
10. I see everything you do for me
Finally, the key way to show your spouse how much you appreciate them is to not take them for granted and make sure they know you don't.
It is so easy to start taking a spouse for granted. After all, we have sworn to love and cherish each other forever so they can't leave. Right? Unfortunately, they can. I know another reason my ex-husband left was because I no longer gave him the respect he deserved and I believed, no matter how I treated him, he would always be there. Nope, that didn't work out!
Showing your spouse gratitude is something we don't do naturally but we should make every effort to do so.
Marriages are hard and long and it can be easy to disconnect from someone you love. But, if you can make an effort to let them know regularly you see them, you appreciate them, and you want to be with them it will go a long way towards keeping you connected and your marriage strong.
You can do it!
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in MSN, Prevention, Huffington Post, and Psych Central, among many others.