11 Signs That Your Marriage Can Still Be Saved
Marriage is hard, but going tough times doesn't mean yours has to be over.
baranq / Shutterstock Marriage can easily be one of the most beautiful connections and experiences in the world. After saying 'yes' to forever, the thought of spending the rest of your lives together might felt like a dream. Unfortunately, when reality comes knocking on your door, sometimes you have no choice but to answer. From financial difficulties to parenting problems, there are plenty of reasons why people get divorced. As sad as it may be, sometimes, divorce is the only option. However, before you give up completely, hold on just a little bit longer and look for these signs that your marriage can still be saved.
From still being best friends to still imagining a future together, before you call it quits, observe these signs and ask yourself an important question: "Is it truly over?"
These are 11 signs that your marriage can still be saved
1. You can openly communicate and be vulnerable
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The first sign your marriage can still be saved is if you can still openly communicate and be vulnerable with your partner. When you're at the end of your rope, you most likely have stopped communicating with your partner completely. As a result of feeling invalidated and misunderstood, you actively choose to stay silent because you know that nothing you say will matter. No matter how much respect and love you put behind your grievances, your partner refuses to listen.
On the flip side, if you're still discussing your feelings and if your partner isn't shutting you down, then this is a huge sign that your marriage can still be saved. There's a power behind communication that ought not to be underestimated.
That said, communication and understanding are two completely different things. Sometimes, your partner wants to work through things, but there's a gap in understanding. To resolve this, Holly Parker, Ph.D., suggested that couples should do each of the following: understand that your communication isn't all that clear, give them the benefit of the doubt, and slow down and ask questions such as, "What are you taking from this interaction?" Lastly, be patient and take a deep breath or a time out for a few minutes.
Though this might sound ridiculous, research published in Frontiers in Psychology found that couples only correctly interpret each other's emotions and ideas one-fifth to one-third of the time. Additionally, a separate study published in Social and Personality Psychology Compass found that communication is usually not as clear as most couples would assume.
Since you don't know what's going on in your mind, you're increasingly likely to project that knowledge onto your partner, leading to miscommunication. This is why couples should ask questions and why you shouldn't jump to conclusions. As it stands, you could be getting it completely wrong.
2. You remember why you fell in love in the first place
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Do you remember the first time you met your partner? For some, it may have been during college, while others may have known each other since high school. Regardless, each couple carries a beautiful memory that helped kickstart their relationship. Yet the most beautiful memory of them all isn't always how you two met, but when you knew you were in love with them.
Unfortunately, as time continued, you likely threw this memory out of the window as arguments and misunderstandings began to become the new normal in your marriage. That said, a sign that your marriage can still be saved is if you still remember why you fell in love in the first place.
Remembering why you fell in love in the first place is truly a big deal. Beautiful and positive memories can invoke closeness and give you something to hold onto when you inevitably go through hard times in your relationship.
According to Psychologist Marc Muchnick Ph.D., "Often we try so hard to turn our significant others into whom we want them to be that we overlook the special, unique qualities that make them who they are." As a result of this, you unintentionally become fixated on what they need to change, causing arguments to break out. Before long, all you'll be able to think about is their shortcoming or flaws, all of which can end a good marriage.
He continued to say that recently, his friend and wife were on the verge of breaking up and tried everything. From counseling sessions to date nights. Muchnick said that it was only after one of them threatened to walk out that they realized what needed to change.
"As they started to consider what life would be like without each other, they both grew sad and began to talk about how they first met and what drew them together," he shared. Afterward, they made a list of all their beautiful memories together and realized that the good times triumphed over the bad ones, leading them on a better track.
So, if you're truly wondering if your marriage can be saved, then try doing this activity yourself. You might find that your marriage is worth saving after all.
3. You still share common goals and values
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One of the first things that likely made you know if your partner was truly the one is if you are still on the same page about your goals and values. Whether that means never having kids and choosing to travel or settling down early to start a family, these goals hold the relationship together like glue, bonding you both for life.
So, if you're truly wondering if your marriage can still be saved, a sign that your marriage isn't truly over is if you still share common goals and values. A couple's ability to be on the same page is the basis for making a marriage work.
According to one study published in 2022, feeling misunderstood leads to higher stress, less motivation, and a decrease in life satisfaction. Now, does this mean you should disregard the rest of the issues because you have similar goals and values? Absolutely not. However, if you're noticing that other signs on this list apply to you, then it might be worth considering giving your marriage a second chance. Through counseling and communication, there's almost nothing that your marriage can't overcome.
4. You still care about each other's well-being
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You want to leave your marriage but find yourself hesitating. Though you want to resent your partner and wish them the worst, there's something deep inside yourself that can't stop caring about them. Though it might be tempting to brush this to the side, a sign that your marriage can still be saved is if you still care about each other's well-being.
On the surface, you might think it's normal to care. After all, you spent so many years together and, as a result, have grown to love and respect this person. However, if you truly feel as if you've had enough, that your respect and love for one another has burnt to the ground, then you'll likely resent them and, as a result, stop caring about them. This means that you won't care who they date or that you won't come rushing over if they are dealing with a mental health crisis. In your eyes, that is somebody else's problem to deal with.
That said, actions don't lie. If you find yourself still looking out for them and caring for them, then your marriage isn't over. As professor of psychology, Noam Shpancer Ph.D., said, "When you see a gap between your words (or thoughts) and your actions, trust the actions, not the words." Because more often than not, your words are full of it.
5. You both are willing to compromise and continue trying
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If your marriage is almost at its end, then there's one important sign that your marriage can still be saved. Though this sign might sound simple, it's a true testament to where you both are in your marriage. So, sit down with your partner and ask them a simple question: "Are you willing to compromise and continue trying?"
If your partner isn't willing to continue trying or compromising, then you know there's nothing left to do on your end. However, if they express hesitation on giving up, then keep on going — your marriage isn't over yet.
Couples that continue trying are increasingly likely to stay together. Though continuing to try is hard, this doesn't mean that it's not worth it. After all, marriage isn't a walk in the park, and your partner isn't flawless. And yet, all too often, couples take the human out of each other, causing you to view your partner as some sort of sub-species.
Psychotherapist Nancy Colier LCSW, Rev., explained it perfectly, writing, "We are going to change as time passes, and this includes how we feel about everything, including ourselves, our partners, and our relationships."
However, this change isn't a betrayal or something to be scared of. This simply means that the marriage is growing and that the reality and expectations of the marriage need to change.
She continued, "When we accept broken and changed promises as part of the dance, we say 'I do' to a marriage that's made of the truth." Additionally, when you know these truths, then no matter what happens, you can take these truths in stride and meet one another halfway.
6. You can still imagine a future together
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The next sign that your marriage can still be saved is if you can still imagine a future with your partner. When you're truly done, then imagining a future with them goes straight out the window. Finally, fed up and ready to move on, the thought of continuing your marriage isn't even in your mind at this point. However, if you can't imagine your future without this person or if you can still see a bright future ahead, then it might be worth giving your marriage a second chance.
Believe it or not, imagining a future together is very powerful. Psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., explained it best by writing, "Yet the truth is that futurizing with your mate is a healthy activity that will make you both happier, because as you look at the future, you’ll be creating things to look forward to, and that’s where happiness comes from."
Knowing this, don't throw your 'silly' fantasies away because life seems hopeless. Believe in your ability to see things through, and with a little effort on both of your parts, you'll be sure to make your marriage work.
Now, will it always be easy? Absolutely not. However, planning your future together, finding ways to reconnect through hobbies or spirituality, and or seeking professional help are all ways to help ground yourself in marriage.
7. You still have a good friendship going
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They say that the best marriages are built on friendship — and they'd be right! A sign that your marriage can still be saved is if you still have a good friendship going. Most people will say, "We are better off as friends and call it quits." However, having a basic foundation of friendship is a great sign that your marriage is save-able.
Licensed marriage and family therapist April Eldemire, LMFT, explained, "As relationship researcher and psychologist Dr. John Gottman has said, 'Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship.'”
And yet, all too often, people feel that having 'boring' friendships, like marriages, is a recipe for disaster. However, if you're currently feeling that way, then experts are here to tell you that this is a good sign.
Though it might not seem like it, the greatest marriages are built on peace and, yes, a little boredom. After spending the better part of your life together, it's normal to grow into a comfortable and albeit boring routine.
That said, friendships are amazing as they're a huge boost in people's mental health. So, even if your marriage is on the rocks, as yourself an important question: "Do I still have a good friendship going?"
If so, then continue trying. After all, friendship is the basis of a good marriage.
8. You can both admit to your own mistakes within the relationship
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It takes two to tangle, and when it comes to creating problems, it's typically never one person's fault. Unfortunately, when you're angry and hurt, it's all too easy to place blame during the moment. That said, once things have calmed down, a sign that your marriage can still be saved is if you can both admit to your own mistakes within the relationship.
All too often, toxic couples place blame onto one person. It's sad, but they'll go as far as to place blame on others to the point that they'll say, "It's your fault! If you didn't act this way, I wouldn't have done this." Unfortunately, all this does is tear your marriage apart.
Hypnotherapist Neil Farber, M.D, Ph.D., CLC, CPT, shared details of his conversation with clinical psychologist Dr. Tom Jordan, saying that too often, people who are blamed by their loved ones experience feelings of self-blame and guilt, all of which can destroy connections and cause your partner to feel a low self-worth.
However, if you're not placing blame and are apologizing for your mistakes, then don't call it quits yet — your marriage can be saved. After all, knowing what the problem is is the first step to solving it.
9. You have moments of peace, even during difficult times
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Your marriage is bound to have beautiful ups and damaging downs. After spending years together, it's normal for couples to get into disagreements. From budgeting problems, money problems, misunderstandings, family issues, and work-related issues, there are plenty of ways that marriage can be flipped upside down. Still, a huge sign that your marriage can still be saved is if you have moments of peace, even during the difficult times.
Now, moments of peace might not seem like a huge deal. After all, what is silence and good energy going to do if you have bills to pay, right? However, it's not exactly the peace aspect that matters here, rather, it's your ability to find commonality and connection that truly matters.
When you're going through difficulty in your marriage, it's easy to view the other as the enemy and forget the things that truly bind you together. Common morals, values, and shared love go flying out the window when difficulties come knocking on your door.
However, if you're still able to see the best in each other, if you're able to find common ground and love and respect even through the tough times, then your marriage can still be saved. It just might need professional help is all.
10. You can still laugh together
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A marriage that is truly over is completely silent. Though it might sound slightly dramatic, a finished marriage is sad, full of pain, anger, and most importantly, irreconcilable differences. That said, a sign that your marriage can still be saved is if you can still laugh together.
Believe it or not, finding the beautiful moments during turmoil is the greatest sign that your marriage can still withstand the darkest of storms. Not only does laughter bring a sense of connection and closeness, but it is also an indicator of well-being. One study published in 2016 found that couples who can laugh together actually have relational well-being.
That said, laughter can't solve everything. Even if you both can still laugh together, this doesn't mean that your relationship doesn't have a lot of work that needs to be done.
Still, if you can laugh and enjoy one another's presence, then as it stands, your relationship is a lot better off than you might've originally thought.
11. You're not sure if you should truly end it
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Finally, the last sign that your marriage can still be saved is if you're not sure if you should truly end it. Second guesses happen for a reason. For some of you, it might occur because you're afraid of being alone. After spending the better half of your life (in some cases) with your partner, the thought of being alone is terrifying, to say the least.
If this is the case, leaning on your friends, family members, and professional counselors during this time might be your best bet. After all, it's important to remember that you're never truly alone and that loneliness isn't enough to stay in a toxic relationship.
That said, some of you have second thoughts because deep down inside you know it could work out. Despite your relationship and its shortcomings, you know that your partner loves you and respects you. You know they're a good person and actively try their best to change, but struggle to change.
So, if this is you, then seeking professional help is a must. More often than not, couples end marriages as a result of repeated bad behaviors, feeling unheard, or a buildup of resentment that they can't let go.
However, these issues aren't enough to justify the end of a relationship. Yes, it's normal to feel resentment if you've gone through tons of hardships. Yes, it's normal for misunderstandings to happen and, as a result, to feel unheard. Most importantly, behavior is hard to change as the human mind is quite resistant to change. After spending years doing the same thing, it's nearly impossible to break deeply ingrained habits without professional help.
So, if you truly want to save your marriage, then seek professional help. Even if it's uncomfortable, investing time and effort into your relationship is the only way to truly save it.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.