The Habit That Research Says Saves Marriages — But Only If You Do It Frequently
Make this a priority in your marriage.
mihailomilovanovic | Canva A few days ago I signed my husband and me up for one of those drink-while-you-paint date nights. A bunch of my friends have done it, and since my husband and I could agree on the fact that we're both good at drinking, but bad at painting, it seemed like a great way to spend an evening together.
You know, actually doing something, as opposed to doing the nothing that we usually do together. Our class is next Thursday, and I have to say, I'm pretty excited. I never thought I'd be excited about such a thing, but I am. My name is Amanda Chatel, and I'm excited about my date night.
My husband and I don't go out on dates; we never really have. I sort of go along with his friends or he goes along with mine, but as for mutually decided-upon dates, we just don't do it enough.
Research says this is wrong; research says if my husband and I want to step up our game, we need to spend our time doing "shared relationship activities."
Research from the Institute for Family Studies states that frequent date nights with your partner can lead to a happier marriage.
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From two different studies of more than 350 long-term relationships, came findings that activities, in which the partners shared the experience, were really beneficial for the health and overall quality of the relationship.
It was these couples that reported greater satisfaction, and less stress and were even closer than those couples that just did "things" without "purposefully" engaging in activities. If only one half of the couple is having fun, and the other is just faking it, then no good can really come of it, because someone is going without.
The study found that situations like that can lead to more stress within the relationship. Although making the effort and finding the energy to plan a well-thought-out activity that you'll both enjoy may seem trying at times, it's a necessary part of having a successful relationship.
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Having fun and sharing a laugh outside of the usual walls in which you and your partner spend your time is essential in allowing for the relationship to grow.
Even if you don't have the funds to go on a hiking trip or sign up for a class (that drink while you paint class wasn't cheap!), it's still paramount to find other activities that will interest you both and keep the romance sparked. Yes, by golly, you have to make an effort to keep the love alive.
Amanda Chatel is an essayist, lifestyle, and intimacy health writer with a focus on relationships, women's reproductive rights, and mental health. Her bylines have appeared in Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Livingly, Mic, The Bolde, Huffington Post, and others.