11 Small Ways To Ruin A Marriage With A Good Wife
Even the smallest habits or behaviors can effectively destroy a marriage and drive away a good wife.
Lyubov Levitskaya / Shutterstock Marriage isn't easy. It requires compromise, patience, and understanding of what the other person may be going through as different circumstances arise. That doesn't mean there aren't plenty of good times filled with love and compassion, but there are certain habits and behaviors that one must exhibit to nurture a long-lasting partnership over time.
Some men may not even realize that the many small ways they are behaving that can ruin an otherwise beautiful marriage with a good wife. These men have no idea they are slowly driving their partner away through actions, words, or lack of effort that make their wives feel resentful, hurt, demoralized, and disheartened.
Here are 11 small ways to ruin a marriage with a good wife
1. Refusing to apologize
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No one wants to be subjected to marriage where their significant other refuses to apologize or acknowledge how their actions, words, or lack of both may have inadvertently hurt their feelings. It's about taking accountability and realizing that even if you didn't mean for something to come across as it did, the point is that you still hurt the feelings of someone that you supposedly love and care for.
Elizabeth Scott, PhD, an author, workshop leader, and educator, explained that being able to apologize, even when the action was unintentional, allows for open communication and the opportunity to reconnect with someone who has once hurt you.
"Apologizing also allows you to discuss what the 'rules' should be in the future, especially if a new one needs to be made, which is often the case when you didn't hurt the other person intentionally," Scott said. "Creating new rules for the relationship can help you be protected from getting hurt in the future. If you care about the other person and the relationship, and you can avoid offending behavior in the future, an apology is usually a good idea."
2. Prioritizing everything else over her
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Life can be unpredictable, and it can be challenging to balance responsibilities while still finding time to spend with your significant other. However, no matter how busy you are, you should still be able to carve time out of your day to spend with your wife, even if it's just being able to sit on the couch and share recaps of the day that you both had.
According to a study from the Institute for Family Studies, over half (52%) of couples reported 'never' or 'rarely' going out on dates, indicating a significant portion of couples who don't actively make dedicated time for each other. If you start neglecting to spend enough time with your wife, then it may not be long before she starts to question whether or not she's actually an important person in your life.
3. Constantly criticizing her
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Being in a relationship with someone who constantly finds things to nitpick you about can be incredibly exhausting. Even if they don't mean to be intentional about it, whether they're just trying to help you out or expressing frustration, the constant criticism will only make someone feel as if they're not good enough.
According to relationship coach Kyle Benson, people often divert to criticism as a form of self-protection. Attacking or blaming our partner is a less vulnerable act than revealing what we really need from them.
"It’s much easier to poke our partner by telling them that they’re the one with the problems, than to drop our shield of criticism and say, 'My needs are not being met, help me,'" Benson said.
Instead of focusing on what you don't want from your partner, focus on what you do want, and try to take a softer approach because it isn't long before criticism can completely kill a marriage.
4. Ignoring her feelings
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Dismissing or failing to acknowledge the feelings of your significant other is one of the easiest ways to ruin a marriage with a good wife. Instead of making sure she knows she can come to you with anything that's on her mind and you'll be there as a shoulder to lean on, that emotional neglect will eventually lead her to feel disconnected in her marriage.
Suzanne B. Phillips, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist, wrote for Psych Central, "When invalidation becomes a chronic dynamic between partners, it becomes relationship corrosive. It compromises the mutual trust and respect needed for love and connection."
She continued, "Sometimes we are unaware of the way we sound or the impact of our message because it is the way people have always communicated with us. It is familiar. Some family legacies are worth leaving behind. You may be carrying a legacy of invalidating that is still taking too much from you."
5. Never expressing gratitude
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A wife is usually doing things every day to make her significant other's life just a little bit easier. When that effort isn't being met with gratitude or even a single acknowledgment, it can make her start to feel as if her presence is being taken for granted. She'll start to feel unappreciated and, over time, she won't want to do these little things anymore because it starts to feel as if her efforts don't matter.
Arash Emamzadeh, a psychologist, wrote for Psychology Today, "When gratitude expressions repeatedly highlight a romantic partner’s responsiveness and helpfulness, the partner is more likely to feel capable of providing valued help."
"There are many ways to show appreciation, but as the present research shows, highlighting your partner’s responsiveness to your needs might be more beneficial than highlighting the costs he or she has incurred."
6. Refusing to help around the house
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According to a survey from Gallup, married or partnered couples in the U.S. continue to divide household chores along largely traditional lines, with the woman in the relationship shouldering primary responsibility for doing the laundry (58%), cleaning the house (51%), and preparing meals (51%).
It's become such a normal expectation for wives to automatically be responsible for household chores and picking up around the house. However, this expectation creates an exhausting dynamic between two people, and over time, wives can become burned out and frustrated by the lack of help from their partners.
7. Comparing her to others
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Whether you're comparing her to an ex, another friend's spouse, or even a family member, it can be incredibly damaging to a marriage dynamic. No one wants to be made as if they're not good enough and hearing these constant comparisons can erode a person's self-worth and confidence.
Every person and every relationship is different, and if someone that you're with is consistently holding on to an idealized version of someone else just ends up creating unrealistic standards and expectations. Instead of comparing, an individual should be cherishing and loving the person they're with for who they are, not who they want them to be.
8. Forgetting important dates
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Forgetting important dates in a marriage, including anniversaries, birthdays, or other meaningful memories can make the person you're with feel incredibly small and undervalued. When life gets busy, it's common for things to slip your mind, but that's why it's important to put things down in a notebook and keep track of things on a calendar.
There's truly no excuse for making your wife feel as if you don't cherish these memories that are being made enough to remember to celebrate them. Even if it wasn't your intention, it can feel like a personal slight.
9. Being inconsistent
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If you make a promise to your significant other, then you should also make your best effort to fulfill it. A strong relationship is being able to feel secure and safe that your partner is going to show up in all the ways that matter instead of making promises that they have no intention of keeping, or introducing habits or behaviors that they can't keep up.
You're selling a vision that isn't true and you're doing a disservice to your wife if you aren't able to be honest with yourself about what you can and can't follow through on. If you make a promise and then realize there's no way to fulfill it, then the next step is having open communication with your wife to get through to the other side.
10. Taking her for granted
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When you actively stop appreciating and acknowledging the things that she does to make your marriage more loving and caring, you're starting to take her for granted. If she's starting to feel that her efforts and focus are going unnoticed, that emotional neglect will make her start to pull away.
It doesn't take much to let your wife know that you're thinking of her. Whether it's buying flowers when you come home from work, or surprising her with dinner so that she doesn't have to cook, small gestures like that can go such a long way in making someone feel as if they're wanted.
11. Losing interest in her growth
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Relationships are able to thrive and flourish when both people actively care about their partner being able to grow and evolve into the kind of person they are striving to be. If you're with someone who either doesn't care or does their best to insert themselves in between you and your personal growth, it can lead to feelings of resentment and anger.
You should always be supportive and willing to help out your wife with any goals or aspirations that she has to further her future. If you're belittling or undermining her decisions and dreams, then you're slowly chipping away at the relationship and effectively driving your wife away.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.