20 Madly-In-Love Couples Reveal What They've Done To Make Their Marriage Last This Long
In an age where divorce rates are sky high, these long-term couples stayed strong for decades.
Vlada Karpovich | Canva When I started dating, I knew I wanted to have a relationship like the one my parents offered. But in this world, it’s highly unlikely with the ease of divorce.
To figure out how to save a marriage, and how I, could have a shot at a happy, long-term relationship like my parents, I decided to ask 20 madly-in-love couples what marriage advice they would give to people who want to make a relationship last a lifetime.
What twenty in-love couples have done to make their marriages last this long:
1. Never, ever settle
“We were a match. We were considerate of each other and tried to accommodate each other. You don’t pull ultimatums and don’t do things you wouldn’t want to be done to you. We were always great to one another. Truth be told, I don’t think that I would have stayed in a marriage where we weren’t so fit for one another. Never settle on what you want in a relationship; it’s a recipe for disaster.” — My mom, married 37 years
2. Laugh together a lot
“Life gets rough. So do relationships. When things get rough, you need to know how to laugh it off, which research supports. You both need to see the good side of things and if one of you can’t, the other has to find a way to make you smile. Every situation gets easier with a smile on your face.” — Tom, married 24 years
3. Put the 'team' in teamwork
“You need to work together to make things work with you, but it’s a give-and-take. If you see things as a ‘you-only’ game, you’re going to lose your partner. If you make your life all about them, they will take advantage of you and leave you. Act as a team, but still be your own person.” — Daniella, married 30 years
4. Communicate openly
“Talk things out, and remember that you need to speak up to nip problems in the bud. If you keep things to yourself, all you’re going to do is build resentment and blindside your partner.” — Eric, married 26 years
5. Treat the relationship as a gift
mavo via Shutterstock
“Don’t ever assume your partner will always be there or tolerate your bad behavior. Every day they’re with you is a gift. Treat it as such.” — Paul, married 20 years
6. Prioritize each other
“When you put it on the back burner for everything else, you start to grow apart. Your job will be there in the morning. Your kids will turn out fine, as long as they have a happy pair of parents. Show them what a healthy relationship looks like. Lead by example.” — Joel, married 13 years
7. Keep intimacy fresh
“Honestly? We swing. We explore each other and work with our fantasies. Keeping the bedroom happy has always made it easier to stay together. Never underestimate the importance of physical intimacy when it comes to making it last.” — Carla, married 21 years
8. Apologize when necessary
“Apologize. It’s better to be wrong than to be unhappy.” — Robin, married 33 years
9. Be genuinely open with each other
“Communication (constantly), mutual respect and trust, no secrets. Oh, and lots of intimacy. Lots of it.” — Damien and Sierra, adult film stars in a long-term relationship for years
10. Don't have preconceptions
LightField Studios via Shutterstock
“If you want someone who excites you with whirlwind romance and drama, you’re doing it wrong. That’s Disney garbage. Love isn’t always butterflies in your stomach. Research from the American Psychological Association showed how love is the comfort that comes with someone who you know will be in your corner. It’s coziness. It’s being able to know you and your partner have the same goals and work towards them.
The moment you stop trying to chase the new relationship energy high and start trying to make something stable is the moment you prep yourself for a long-term relationship. Want a high from love? Remember what made you fall for them in the first place.” — Jess, married for 5 years
11. Be on the same page about kids
“My secret is controversial, but it worked for me. Honestly? Don’t have kids if you aren’t sure about them. If one partner is on the fence or actively shows signs they wouldn’t want to be a parent, don’t force it. Either learn to be childfree or find someone who will be better for you.
Most of my friends had kids they didn’t want because it was expected of them. Most are divorced. I had a vasectomy. We ended up having a solid relationship that encouraged us to grow, while most others felt trapped by obligations they didn’t realize would be so difficult to maintain.” — Jordan, married for 18 years
12. Handle family conflict
“Before being with my husband, I ended up dating someone whose parents hated me. I quickly learned that if your husband’s parents hate you or become a bigger priority than you, you’re going to be miserable for a long time. When you’re married, your spouse comes first. Your spouse is your family. Never marry anyone who can’t stand up for you when people try to tell you otherwise.” — Gina, married for 11 years
13. Discuss each other's roles
“I came from a very traditional culture. We have roles that are expected of us, and while it’s not what you may want to hear, it worked for us. I know what to expect from her. She knows what to expect of me. We hold our promises and don’t walk away from them.” — Roberto, married 42 years
14. Don't make divorce an option
“Divorce is not an option. Don’t make that vow unless you are 100 percent sure you won’t break it.” — Mildred, married for 43 years
15. Be aware before marriage
People Images Yuri A via Shutterstock.com
“Never marry someone you haven’t seen angry, and never marry someone who has habits you can’t stand. They will remain the same person after the ring is on.” — Lumi, married over 30 years
16. Be in sync about money
“Money plays a huge factor in marital success. Studies in the Journal of Family and Economic Issues showed this to be true. So, before you get married, make sure that you both have the same mindset about money. Oh, and another thing? Never rely on a single income. That can create resentment and will also hurt your financial stability." — Andrei, married for 9 years
17. Share mutual goals
“My husband and I made a point to talk about what our goals were before we married. Then, we pursued our goals as a team. Marriage is what you make of it, nothing more, nothing less.” — Irina, married for 24 years
18. Never stop caring
“The grass is greenest where you water it. If you take care of your marriage and emphasize openness, you can overcome almost anything. If you stop caring about keeping it up, it will break.
My first marriage died because my ex never pulled his weight or tried to make me feel appreciated. My second marriage succeeded because my spouse and I both put effort into romancing each other.” — Andrea, married for 8 years
19. Don’t smother each other
“Give him time to have with his friends, and give yourself time too. You both need to maintain your lives as individuals. Otherwise, you will end up crowding yourself out of your marriage.” — Victoria, married for 12 years
20. Always respect each other
“Respect boundaries and differences. If you can’t, it won’t work. Period.” — Christine, married for 19 years.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.