If You Want A Better Marriage, It's Time To Accept These 10 Truths About Healthy Communication
Follow these tips to improve how you speak to each other in your relationship.
Brooke Cagle | Unsplash How would you rate your communication skills in the past year? Have they been more open and loving or frustrating and blaming? Do you feel like you're struggling with communication and will never get it right? Then I have some excellent news for you. Though you may not be good at expressing your thoughts, healthy communication in a relationship is still possible.
If you want a better marriage, it's time to accept thee 10 truths about healthy communication:
1. Stop focusing on what's missing in your conversations
Alex Green | Pexels
When you think things like "He acts as if he takes me for granted," you will continue communication habits that lead to reinforcing those same feelings and eventually building resentment and misunderstanding.
2. Focus on how you want your ideal communication to be
KoolShooters | Pexels
Think instead, "I would like him to give me compliments once in a while and let me know he appreciates me more often." Then adjust your communication to let him know your desires in an encouraging non-judgmental way. For example, you can say, "I love it when you say you like the way I look. It makes me feel like a million bucks and even more loved."
People often compare their romantic relationships with other couples, but upward comparisons, in particular, can have negative consequences. Research suggests upward comparisons are associated with pessimism, lower relationship satisfaction, and lower self- and partner perceptions.
3. Don't expect your partner to always be ready to talk when you are
RDNE Stock project | Pexels
People are different and choosing the best time of day for big discussions may not necessarily always work but always choosing the wrong time is a sure bet for failure.
4. Learn each other's timing preferences for communication
John Diez | Pexels
If you think about it, you probably know the best time your partner is most open to communication and when they are unavailable. Share your timing preferences and commit to respecting them.
Research suggests that open communication is a key factor in the success, duration, and satisfaction of relationships. The more satisfied people are in their relationship, the more likely they are to openly talk about their thoughts, feelings, concerns, and problems with one another. This connection underscores the value of your communication in the success of your relationship.
5. Don't beat the iron when it's hot
Timur Weber | Pexels
When it comes to communication, hot emotions that get in the way almost always lead to saying those words we immediately wish we could take back.
6. Cool down and practice the "SOBS" technique
Antoni Shkraba | Pexels
Stop what you are doing. Observe the situation from a sensory standpoint. What am I feeling? Breathe in at least 10 deep breaths. Ask yourself "So what?" Is this battle worth it or can you let go? Would you rather be right or happy?
7. Don't go it alone when you have a real communication breakdown
RDNE Stock project | Pexels
When a communication breakdown has taken hold, do not rely on friends and family for advice and suggestions. As well-intended as they may be, or not, they are neither neutral nor qualified to help you take the needed steps for healthy communication in a relationship.
8. Seek the support of a coach sooner than later
Antoni Shkraba | Pexels
A coach can help you take a look at the bigger picture, keep you on track, and hold you accountable for reaching your communication goals. You'd be surprised at how you can turn poor communication around with the right tools and guidance when you take action quickly.
9. Don't be hard on yourself or your partner when it may not go as planned every time
cottonbro studio | Pexels
Learning open, non-judgmental communication is a process that often requires skills, and changing habits that don't happen overnight. There will be a lot of little signs along the way that communication is opening up.
10. Make a list of indications and feelings that will let you know you're on track
Anastasiya Aleksandrenko | Shutterstock
Then celebrate your small victories together. Here is a fun tip that works for families and couples. Have a jar for keeping the notes of appreciation and acknowledgment of little successes. At the end of the week, take a look at them and then reward yourselves with a celebration of your successful steps.
Deb Dutilh is a Relationship and Compatibility Coach and has over 25 years of international experience in teaching and personal development. She writes to help women learn how to stop people pleasing, and how to communicate their needs and get them met.