11 Subtle Behaviors That Mean Someone Is Love-Bombing You
Love-bombing AKA overwhelming you with romance gets you hooked.
olia danilevich | Pexels Dating can be like a beautiful dream until it suddenly morphs into a nightmare. One moment, everything is picture-perfect and they are all over you like butter on toast. The next, they are chipping away at your self-esteem like a block of ice that needs to be turned into snow cones.
Most of the time, it never happens instantly. It starts as a whirlwind romance and slowly morphs into an abusive, gaslit nightmare. The romantic part hooks you in, and it’s a process called love-bombing.
What is love-bombing? Love-bombing means the person of your affection is trying to influence you by "bombing" you with attention and love. It's often used by narcissists to manipulate you, but these subtle behaviors aren't limited solely to narcissists.
Here are the subtle behaviors that mean someone is love-bombing you:
1. Everything moves very quickly
Love-bombing feels like a zeitgeist. They’ll be ramping up affection fast, often to the point where the phrase “whirlwind romance” will come to mind when you think about them.
A good rule is to ask why someone wants to link up so quickly, and why someone is trying so hard to impress you so fast.
2. They act like a hero when you’re in a bad position
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Call me a pessimist, but I don’t believe heroes are real anymore. Rather, it’s more likely for someone who is helping you to be doing it out of a selfish need.
A common fantasy narcissists have is to be the “hero” to people who are in a bad position and to get praise and admiration heaped upon them for saving them from someone. If the person in question suddenly swoops in to save the day, it could be one of the signs of a love-bombing rather than the miracle hero you want.
3. They try to get you to acknowledge they are better than anyone else you’ve dated
Love-bombing is, at least on a subconscious level, something narcissists do on purpose. They’re doing it to get you hooked and make you think you can’t get better than them.
4. They ask probing questions about the uglier side of your life
This is a common way narcissists find material to bring up later on when they start abusing you. It’s also a way to make you feel more bonded to them in a faster amount of time. After all, we tend to feel way closer to people we share secrets with, particularly if they’re dark secrets, according to studies from The American Psychological Association.
5. Others warn you, but what they say doesn’t match up
Though there are some very rare occasions where it’s a misunderstood individual, most of the time, this isn’t the case. More often than not, the reason things don’t match up is the person you’re seeing is love-bombing you and their real face hasn’t shown yet.
If people are warning you about someone, it’s often a good idea to pay attention. Chances are the person you’re talking to isn’t the exception to the rule.
6. They backpedal after saying things that seem questionable
Many people who love-bomb also tend to have other red flags that crop up early on — the most common being backpedaling when you point out a red flag comment or behavior they made.
Relationship coach Ann Papayoti explained, "When you question or go against them, the love bombing becomes an assault on your character, leaving you defenseless and running for shelter. Compliments are exchanged for criticisms, charming habits become controlling behaviors, and when you try to break up, they play on your sympathy and go back to love bombing while blaming something or someone else for the changes you see. Love bombing precedes manipulation and emotional abuse."
Keep an eye out for this behavior, as the original statement they made probably shows what they are like.
7. They shower you with gifts
A good indicator of whether it’s love-bombing or actual love is how heavily they shower you with presents. If you feel inundated with a bunch of gifts, often to the point you almost feel like you owe them, then it’s probably love-bombing.
Narcissists and other abusers will often do this as a way to make you feel indebted to them and therefore keep you around.
8. They remind you how good they are to you, or how good they were to others
This is a major sign of love-bombing, primarily because it’s trying to drive home the fact they “are so good to you.” A study in Psychopedia Journals showed how this is a tactic people use to manipulate others into sticking to bad relationships or to get them to do things that aren’t necessarily healthy for them.
9. The affection you’re getting seems superficial
Velimir Zeland
Love-bombing is superficial. It’s not real love, it’s just a way to get you involved and invested in a person. So, as a result, the affection will seem superficial at times.
They may mention aspects of your personality that aren’t there or may talk about how you’re “the hottest lover ever” right off the bat. Why? Because they don’t know the real you.
10. They treat everyone else horribly
A good indicator they are not legit can be seen in how they treat others. If they treat everyone else terribly, don’t fool yourself. That’s a sign they will eventually do the same as you.
11. Something just doesn’t feel right
Maybe it’s the fact they didn’t stop pursuing you when you didn’t show interest. Maybe it’s the way they seem to be flooding you with compliments, or the way they smile.
More often than not, if something doesn’t seem right, that’s because it’s not. Trust your gut and you should be good to go.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.