Psychology Says People Who Do These 13 Things Often Have Commitment Issues
If these behaviors sound familiar, you may be a person who can't commit.
Maksym Povozniuk | Canva Many people are not relationship people, and that's okay. Perhaps it’s dating-related trauma or just an aversion to commitment or falling in love, but there's an influx of people with commitment issues.
If they were to be single and stay single, many of them would be much happier than trying to force relationship commitments that don't come naturally. If you're not sure if you (or someone you're with) have commitment issues, pay attention to these signs: they'll give you the answer you're looking for.
People who do these things often have commitment issues:
1. You don't prioritize relationships
Do your former partners tell you that you don’t ever seem to prioritize them? If this is a regular comment from a string of exes, they may be onto something.
Relationship people tend to prioritize their partners. If you never really feel the need to prioritize your spouse, you might be a solo flyer.
2. You have a set routine or lifestyle, and you don’t want to stray from it
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Routine and lifestyle are important, but it’s one of the first things to change in the event of a relationship. You will need to compromise to make a relationship work. If you can’t compromise on routine and lifestyle issues, then you are probably not a relationship person.
Not wanting to break a set routine is often linked to a desire for comfort, predictability, and control. Our brains naturally gravitate towards familiar patterns, especially when they provide stability. A 2012 study on habit formation found that disrupting a routine can trigger anxiety due to the uncertainty it introduces, even if the change is positive.
3. You're scared of commitment
Does the idea of being chained down with one person just scare you? Do you always think there’s someone better around the corner? If so, do us all a favor and just tell dates that you have a set timer on how long it’ll last.
4. You are hostile or exceptionally suspicious of people
Are you a believer that all men are pigs or that all women are incapable of love? Well, if so, I understand how enough bad memories can make you believe this. I’m in the same boat.
Unfortunately, you are no longer dating material nor are you a relationship person anymore if bitterness consumes you. Welcome to the club. But hey, if you work on overcoming your prejudices, you can become a relationship person again if you want to.
Hostile sexism, which is a negative and overtly antagonistic attitude towards individuals of the opposite sex, usually stems from traditional gender role expectations and a desire to maintain male dominance in society.
Research by the Encyclopedia of Adolescence explained it's characterized by viewing women as threatening, competitive, and seeking to undermine men's power, often manifesting in derogatory comments or behaviors towards women who challenge these stereotypes.
5. You're not interested in exerting effort into a relationship
Are you looking for a partner or are you looking for a person who will cook for you, clean, pay a large chunk of bills, and also provide intimacy for you? If it’s the latter, then what you want isn’t realistic or feasible.
Think about it: in that kind of relationship, your partner is giving 90 percent, but you are giving a max of 20. At that point, you may be better off just hiring help and sticking to flings. It’ll be easier on you.
6. You don’t see the point of relationships
Why would you enter a relationship if you don’t see the point in it? If you don’t “get” relationships, then chances are you’re not a relationship person.
Not seeing the point in relationships can often stem from a combination of factors, including low self-esteem, past negative experiences in relationships, fear of commitment, anxiety about intimacy, a strong sense of independence, or a belief that relationships are inherently draining or problematic, potentially influenced by personal experiences or societal views.
A 2020 study published by Frontiers in Psychology found that observing negative relationship dynamics around them or societal messages that downplay the importance of relationships can also contribute to this perspective.
7. You've been guilted, badgered, or forced into every relationship you've been in
If this is the pattern you’re seeing, then there’s no way that you are a relationship person. Chances are high that the only reason you have had a relationship was that you felt it was “what you were supposed to do.”
8. You’d rather play video games (or insert activity) with friends than go on a date
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I generally use this as a measuring stick of where a person’s mind is at. If you generally would choose the video game, then chances are that relationships aren’t high enough on your totem pole to have you be a “relationship person.” It’s also a good sign of dating burnout, which in turn tends to turn relationship people into committed singles.
An American Psychological Association study found that preferring to stay in rather than go out is often linked to a strong need for solitude and introspection. This is particularly common among introverts, who recharge their energy by spending time alone in familiar, comfortable environments, unlike extroverts, who gain energy through social interaction.
9. You're the best version of yourself when single
A lot of people just don’t fare well in relationships. They turn into different people in a bad way. If you’re one of these people, you might not be a relationship person.
10. You have abusive or otherwise hurtful tendencies
It's better to acknowledge this and realize relationships are dangerous than to go into a relationship knowing you'll likely abuse someone. Being told you have hurtful tendencies can trigger a defensive response, often stemming from psychological reactance.
Individuals feel their freedom is threatened when criticized, leading to resistance and potential anger even if the feedback is intended to be constructive. A 2019 study found that this can manifest as denial, justification, or even aggression toward the person providing the feedback.
11. You don’t understand people
Do you get angry and confused when people reject you or even take a compliment the wrong way? Have people told you that you lack social awareness or self-awareness?
If so, you might not be a relationship person, simply because you just aren’t emotionally equipped enough to be a decent partner. It sucks, but it’s true.
12. You get bored of people very easily
A lot of people I know who aren’t relationship people have this issue, big time. Though I can name good reasons why to not do this, the fact is that many men and women just don’t want to stick to anyone permanently or just “need variety” to keep themselves happy.
If this is true for you, relationships aren’t probably your shtick. Getting bored of people quickly can be attributed to a strong need for novelty and stimulation, often stemming from a lack of intellectual challenge, a desire for constant change, or a personality trait that seeks out new experiences, sometimes associated with qualities like high openness or even narcissism.
A Frontiers in Sociology study found that humans naturally gravitate towards new and exciting things, so once the initial novelty of a person wears off, interest can decline rapidly.
13. You’re burnt out and you know it
This also is a big issue for me, and I know I’ve seen it in many people aside from me as well. There are only so many bad experiences you can have in love before you question your sanity for putting yourself out there. If this sounds like you, you might not be a relationship person.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.