9 Behaviors Exposing A Man Who Doesn't Want To Marry You
If these behaviors sound familiar, he doesn't see a future with you.
yacobchuk | Canva If you’re someone who wants to get married, it’s a given that you’ve questioned whether your long-term boyfriend is going to propose. Many of us stick around waiting for the commitment that never comes, which isn’t only upsetting because it means you might potentially lose a guy you care about, but it’s also pretty irritating to think about the years you’ve wasted with a man who doesn't want to marry you.
If you don’t want this to happen to you, familiarize yourself with these telltale signs your boyfriend doesn't want to get married. But remember ladies: It’s unfair to apply these signs to a guy you’ve only been dating a measly month or two. If you’re wondering whether to fish or cut bait, a good gauge is if you’ve been exclusive for a year or more.
Here are the behaviors exposing a man who doesn't want to marry you:
1. Avoids weddings
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When a guy isn’t squeamish about marriage, he’ll definitely become much more excited about attending weddings, and he’ll want you to come with him. If your man hates going to other people’s nuptials, that’s a good sign he isn’t ready for his own.
2. Never talks about getting married
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If you bring up the topic of marriage and he changes the subject as fast as possible, marriage isn’t on his mind. If he has an aversion to the M-word, he’s subtly letting you know that marriage probably isn’t part of his plan in the foreseeable future.
Likewise, when you’re with other people and the topic of marriage or children is brought up, pay attention to how your boyfriend reacts. Does he quickly change the subject (bad), or does he ever say things like “when I get married…” (good.)
A man avoiding conversations about marriage could be due to various factors, including fear of commitment, concerns about losing independence, negative experiences with marriage in his family, societal pressures around masculinity, financial anxieties, not seeing the current relationship as marriage-ready, or simply not prioritizing marriage at this stage of life.
A 2023 study explained that the key is openly communicating with the partner to understand the underlying reasons behind his hesitation. If the discrepancy in desired relationship progression causes significant distress, seeking couples therapy might be beneficial.
3. Refuses to make long-term plans
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If your boyfriend only makes plans for the immediate or short-term, marriage likely isn’t a priority. Perhaps he’s always ready to make a date for this week or the weekend, but rarely commits to the distant future. If he’s hesitant to make plans six months from now, your future together may not be a sure thing.
4. Always has an excuse
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Men are simple creatures. When they want something, you’ll know. If they’re constantly making excuses about marriage or the future, it’s time to realize that something’s wrong.
If he’s too busy and stressed to talk about it, or he has too much going on to focus on buying a ring, your future together isn’t looking so bright. Any excuse isn’t a good thing. If your boyfriend blames his lack of interest in marriage on work or family, he isn’t as eager to walk down the aisle as you are.
This often stems from a fear of commitment, anxieties about losing independence, past negative experiences with relationships, societal pressures, or a lack of readiness to take on the responsibilities associated with marriage.
2023 research recommended having a sincere conversation about your concerns and desires regarding marriage, allowing your partner to express their feelings openly. If communication proves difficult, couples therapy should be considered to address underlying issues related to commitment and marriage.
5. Claims he's happy with 'how things are'
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Plain and simple, if your man tells you that he’s happy with the way things are or he doesn’t want to ruin the special relationship you have, he has no intention of taking your relationship to the next level.
6. Lives in the past
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Pay attention to what your boyfriend enjoys reminiscing about. Does he make references to how great the last vacation you guys took was?
Or does he constantly and longingly tell stories about his college days? If he enjoys talking about his "Spring Break ’04" or mentions how much misses going out every night with his friends, he’s probably not mature enough to wed just yet.
A man who actively avoids marriage might be motivated by a combination of factors including negative past experiences with relationships, fear of intimacy, substantial value placed on independence, unresolved childhood issues related to parents' marriage, or a deeply ingrained belief that marriage is not necessary for a fulfilling life, potentially stemming from societal norms of a previous era.
A 2016 study reminded us that not all men who choose not to marry are motivated by the same factors; it's crucial to consider individual experiences and perspectives. Societal changes and personal life stages can influence attitudes towards marriage over time.
7. Expresses no interest in your future
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When you mention your future, if he seems completely uninterested in what you have planned, he isn’t looking to build a life together.
8. Prefers to hang out with other single men
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Are your boyfriend’s friends mostly married or mostly single? If he only wants to surround himself with happy bachelors instead of having a healthy mix of single and married friends, he’s not rushing to take things to the next step.
Men who primarily socialize with other single men may be more likely to delay marriage due to a phenomenon called normative influence. This is where individuals adopt the attitudes and behaviors of their social group, potentially reinforcing the perception that being single is acceptable or desirable.
A 2020 study concluded that this can be further fueled by anxieties around commitment and the pressure to maintain a masculine identity that might be associated with avoiding marriage.
9. Doesn't mention starting a family
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Men don’t have a baby clock ticking like women do, nor do most men yearn for children the way some women do. In a man’s brain, having a family is a natural thing that will happen once you’re married. However, if he’s unwilling to discuss having a family, he may not be ready to walk down the aisle.
Carly Spindel has been a matchmaker for over 6 years., and is the vice president of Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking Inc. She is a dating and relationship expert and writes articles for StyleCaster and Jdate.