Do Not Plan A Future With Him Until You Can Answer One Question
This simple question will help you determine if you should break it off with him or not.
Dean Drobot, Jonathan Borba | Canva We all have standards and ideals for our relationships, and what we're willing and not willing to put up with. Everyone wonders how to meet their soulmate, but we never actually do the work to find our soulmates. We have a theory of what a "normal" relationship looks like, based on the examples we see around us — both good and bad. When a relationship doesn't seem like the ideal we've set in our minds or something we've seen before, we automatically assume it's wrong and begin to have doubts. We must listen to our hearts when a relationship feels wrong and not stay simply because it's familiar.
When that doubt starts to creep in while you're dating, ask yourself one question: Does this work for me? I like a guy with ambition, and in Los Angeles that may mean he works late at night or on the weekends. I used to live this life, so I totally thought that this would be okay with me. I understand. I've lived it, but as I discussed in a "How We Give and Receive Love" article, I receive love with time.
If the guy didn't have time for me, I would constantly question where we stood, and that did not work for me. I had to date this kind of guy over and over again until I realized what the problem was, and now I know I need a guy who is available on a Saturday night. That's what works for me. I recently changed what a "normal" guy means to me. Sticking to this took some effort because when I dated a normal guy, he didn't have the charisma that I was used to, and I automatically thought it was wrong and doubted the relationship.
Dating my old norm didn't work for me. So I had to stick to what I knew I needed, and when I did, it opened me up to a completely new type of man — a better type of man — who does work for me. Doubt is good. It can raise red flags, and help you access where you really stand in a relationship as long as you look at it as an opportunity to ask yourself what works and doesn't work for you. In a relationship, there are no ideals. There are no rules. There is only what we create with each other. Does that work for you?
Ravid Yosef is a dating and relationship coach. She is an established advice column writer, Certified NLP Practitioner, and Award-winning marketer.