8 Clear Signs A Man's Just Not That Into You, According To Psychology
Move on quickly if you notice these behaviors.
RapidEye | Canva Ladies, we purposefully convince ourselves that deciphering a man's true interest is some challenging mystery, but it’s not. There’s one thing you need to watch for to know with total clarity to tell if a guy likes you, cares for you and wants a life with you.
Pay attention to his actions, not his words. Knowing if a guy likes you is truly that simple and is what makes it so hard (read: scary) at the same time. Instead of continually asking yourself, "Does he like me?" being aware of actions will save you time and heartache.
Here are 8 clear signs a man's just not that into you, according to psychology:
1. Late-night messaging is the norm
He texts late at night and wants to meet up. You seem good for a booty call but nothing more, as supported by advice from Berkley University Health Services.
2. It feels like a series of hook-ups
You only have brief conversations or texts to decide what you’re going to do or where you’re going to meet up.
A guy who’s into you wants to spend his free time with you and know all of who you are. You’ll hear from him in between the times you see each other. He’ll eagerly introduce you to his friends and family. A study from the International Psychogeriatric Association demonstrates that he’ll treat you with respect if he is into you.
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3. You spend most of your time together between the sheets
Sorry, but his behaviors and actions are telling you loud and clear he isn’t fully into you, as explained by intimacy theory research published by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. He’s got one foot in and one foot out. Many women make the mistake of trying to do and be more in the hope of getting a guy to like them more. But the signs are already there and things aren’t going to change.
4. He always disappears
He disappears between dates and you have no idea where he goes.
A study of the effects of relational uncertainty from the Personal Relationships Journal suggests that even if you can’t put your finger on it, you should listen to any uneasy feelings you get when words and actions don't add up or align. If you’re not honest with yourself, you’ll spend weeks, months, and years with the wrong men in relationships that aren’t right for you (and never were from the beginning).
5. He keeps his options open
Even though you get along well and have a great time, he still wants to keep his options open in case someone better comes along. He is demonstrating a lack of commitment and is damaging the relationship stability, according to a study from The Journal of Family Psychology. It's hard because he might say things you want to hear and may smooth talk his way into your head, causing you to over-analyze, make excuses, and overlook obvious red flags in his behavior.
It's hard because if you feel like you’re running out of time or won’t meet anyone better, you’re more likely to believe empty promises mean he’s into you. It takes courage to resist making his words mean what you want them to mean versus seeing what his actions are telling you.
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6. You haven't met his people
He keeps his life compartmentalized — he’s reluctant to introduce you to his family and friends (or you haven’t met them). A study in the Social Indicators Research Journal demonstrates how inclusion in family and friends' social networks is crucial in healthy relationships.
7. He makes himself a priority and you an afterthought
Don't let your mind rationalize his actions away or talk you into being OK with behavior that leaves you feeling like an afterthought. Feeling known in a relationship is vital, as shown in a study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.
8. He treats you poorly and blames you when things go wrong
Behaviors and actions don’t lie. Words aren’t truth. When you pay attention to a guy’s behaviors and actions, you’ll quickly learn how he feels about you. Your mind may try to rationalize his actions away or talk you into being OK with being treated poorly. The Gottman Institute tells us that in healthy relationships, there is a five-to-one ratio of good interactions to bad. But your body will speak the truth and you'll feel like something just isn't right.
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So, what to do if you’ve fallen for a guy who is saying the right things but his actions don't match up? Leave now. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking, “If only I had...” Don’t spend hours talking with your girlfriends about what you should do.
By leaving, you make space for a man whose words, behaviors, and actions indicate he is truly into you. Rather than being in a rush to find love, set the pace, let things unfold naturally, and pay close attention to how your body feels around men you date.
His actions speak louder than his words when he cares about your well-being. His words match his deeds, his actions consistently communicate you are a priority, and he's excited to know you as a person (not just an intimate partner).
Most importantly, be kind and compassionate with yourself. It takes time to find the one who is right for you. Just patiently wait and see; notice the signs that show up when a guy isn’t into you. By doing so, you'll move on more quickly and make yourself available for a man whose behaviors and actions clearly show he is completely into you.
Janet Ong Zimmerman is a dating and relationship coach, the founder of Love for Successful Women, and the creator of the Woo Course: 9 Juicy Ways to Bring Out a Man's Desire to Woo You. She helps successful women find the love they desire.