If You Want To Feel Happier As You Get Older, Psychology Says To Stop Expecting 7 Things From People
No one person on this planet can give us everything, except ourselves.
Getty Images | Unsplash Whether it's your friends or family, we are constantly being let down by those we care about, and who care about us. But perhaps it's because we have high expectations of those around us.
We can't expect people to always do what we want, and we can't blame them when we are let down. We have to meet people where they are, which means bridging the gap from our expectations to their reality. So instead of being disappointed, we need to learn how to be happy for ourselves by lowering our expectations of people.
If you want to feel happier as you get older, stop expecting these things from people:
1. Expecting them to always do the right thing
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This is the greatest way we set ourselves up for failure. We expect people to do right by us and by others, but sometimes come away disappointed.
People won't always do the right thing. They won't always make the right call. That's just part of being human. Sometimes they don't have your interests at heart. Sometimes they simply make mistakes.
Don't let this high expectation derail your journey to finding true, authentic happiness.
2. Expecting them to agree with you
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People, especially your true friends, won't agree with you just for the sake of agreeing with you; rather, they will debate you if need be. If they did simply agree with you, they wouldn't have your best interests at heart.
To be truly happy, you need to stop expecting people to side with you. A difference in opinion is a good thing and keeps you from becoming trapped in negative thought patterns.
Not expecting others to always agree with you is crucial for healthy relationships and personal well-being, as clinging to the need for constant validation can lead to disappointment, conflict, and a diminished sense of self. This concept is often tied to lowering expectations and embracing diverse perspectives.
Findings from a 2013 study published by the American Psychological Association found when we strongly expect others to agree. Their disagreement can trigger negative emotions like anger, frustration, and defensiveness.
3. Expecting them to be mind readers
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It's an enormous mistake to assume that people — your friends, your family, your partner — can read your mind. Nobody knows what you're thinking, and the only way they can understand how you're feeling is by verbalizing it.
If you have high expectations, you need to make them clear to others. You can't just keep your thoughts in your mind and expect others to be on your wavelength.
4. Expecting them to understand you
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You should be yourself because you want to be, not because you want to impress anyone else. Part of finding true happiness is remaining authentic, never changing who you are to appease others.
You simply can't expect people to like you, whether you want them to or not. It's not realistic and doesn't harm anyone but you. No one has to like or understand you. Instead, you should focus on liking and understanding yourself.
Not expecting others to automatically understand you is generally considered a healthy approach, as it encourages clear communication and reduces the likelihood of disappointment when others misinterpret your thoughts or feelings.
This is often linked to unrealistic concepts like mind reading and can lead to frustration if relied upon too heavily. Not every interaction will be perfectly understood. A 2014 study recommended being willing to clarify when needed.
5. Expecting them to stay the same
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People change over time. It's part of life. But one of the greatest mistakes you can make is assuming that they're going to remain exactly as they were one year, five years, or 15 years ago.
It's normal to want people to remain the same, but we become newer, better versions of ourselves every day with a little effort. So, if you constantly bring up the past and assume old behaviors will continue, you'll push these people away.
6. Expecting them to always have it all together
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We all struggle in life from time to time. And we all deserve a little slack for it. Don't expect people to always have their lives together. There were probably times when you didn't, and it's great to have the support of other people to grow as an individual.
Understand that other people also need space sometimes, and that doesn't mean they still don't care for you. The idea of not expecting others to have it all together is linked to the concept of realistic expectations.
A 2020 study concluded this means recognizing that everyone experiences struggles and vulnerabilities and that projecting an image of perfect composure is often a facade. Accepting people's imperfections leads to less disappointment and a more genuine connection.
7. Expecting them to follow the golden rule
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The golden rule is a principle that says to treat others the way you want to be treated. Unfortunately, not everyone is going to follow that rule, and may show rude or disappointing behavior.
Don't let that get you down, however. You should still continue to live by the golden rule in order to be truly happy, even if the people around you don't.
Higher Perspective seeks to bring together like-minded individuals focused on personal growth and expanding their consciousness. We can be better to our planet, better to our brothers and sisters, and better to ourselves.