11 Tiny Gestures That Speak Loudly When Someone Truly Respects You
True respect is a gift not to be taken lightly.
AlessandroBiascioli | Shutterstock Genuine respect is hard to come by. As you go throughout your life, you’ll likely realize that while many people may tolerate or even like you, few truly respect you.
Despite its rarity, respect is paramount. Research from the UCLA Social Relations Lab found that respect from others affects people’s perspective of themselves and how they feel emotionally. Seemingly, little things like others coming to you for advice or being mindful of your time are huge indicators that they have genuine respect for you and are someone you’ll want to keep in your life.
Here are 11 tiny gestures that speak loudly when someone truly respects you:
1. They ask for your advice.
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If someone truly respects you, that means they feel comfortable looking to you for guidance and help on some of the deepest matters of their life. If you think about it in reverse, you would probably never seek advice on a serious issue from someone you didn’t feel much respect for.
Writing for Scientific American, Allison Wood Brooks and Francesca Gino explained that we often assume people will think less of us if we ask them for advice because it shows that we don’t know how to do something independently. However, the opposite is true. Asking for advice is not something to feel embarrassed about; instead, it makes you look more thoughtful to your counterpart.
If you consider it, you’ve probably never felt nasty towards someone who has asked you for advice. Instead, it has most likely boosted your confidence, knowing that they trust you enough to come to you. Seeking advice from someone is a true sign you respect them.
2. They value your time by being punctual and considerate.
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Someone who respects you will keep how much of your time they’re taking up in mind. This is because they know time is a precious commodity you don’t have an unlimited amount of, just like everyone else.
Forbes senior contributor John Hall explained that we often don’t think we’re wasting someone’s time and do so instinctually. But this is inherently disrespectful. It's crucial to recognize that everyone has significant tasks to manage with their time. If someone values you, they will prioritize respecting your time.
Things like knowing if you’re taking up too much of someone’s time or being late are behaviors someone who respects you wouldn’t dream of doing.
3. They consistently follow through on their commitments.
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Another sign that someone respects you is that they will always follow through. You can count on them. Yale University says, “Dependability is the quality of being trustworthy and reliable and being consistent in performance or behavior.”
This can include everything from consistent communication to problem-solving. If someone is dependable, they will be there for you no matter what. This signifies respect since it shows that someone values you enough to offer support and presence. This can be equally important in professional and personal relationships.
If someone is there for you and does what they say they will, they respect you, your time, and your autonomy.
4. They show genuine kindness and politeness in every interaction.
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Another sign someone respects you shines through in how they treat you. If they are polite and kind, there’s a good chance they feel great respect for you. This is natural, as someone won’t consider it a high priority to treat you with respect if they don’t respect you.
Author and philosopher Tom Morris shared that kindness and respect are two qualities that work together. “Kindness is of infinite value but is always to be felt and shown as a way of respecting another person,” he stated. “Respect is, in this perspective, always in the lead.”
Being polite is one of the ultimate signs of respect for another person. Treating someone as they deserve and as you wish to be treated is a significant sign of respect in that relationship.
5. They mimic your admirable qualities.
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If someone has chosen to emulate you, take it as a compliment, not a sign they’re being a copycat. It means they admire you and want to incorporate aspects of who you are, whether parts of your personality or something you commonly say, into their own life.
UC Berkeley’s Connor Wood pointed out that imitation is a uniquely human trait that is one reason behind our “evolutionary successes.” “Instead, people cope with challenged climates and ecological contexts by carefully copying others — especially those we respect,” he stated.
While some may think it is rude to copy another, in Oscar Wilde’s words, “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” It is a sign that one thinks highly enough of another person to want to live life, at least to some extent, as they do. What could show more respect than that?
6. They enthusiastically celebrate your achievements.
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Anyone who respects you will always highlight your accomplishments. They seek to build you up, not tear you down. Acknowledging the good you are doing is one of the surest ways to do this.
Acknowledging others’ accomplishments is not always easy in our world. It’s easy to be overcome with a desire to best another person. Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D., pointed out that watching someone else succeed can often lead one to sadness. “Rather than feeling happy for them, you’re depressed and angry — and part of you would really like to see them fail,” he said. But those who respect you won’t succumb to the temptation to envy your success. Instead, they will celebrate and support you.
Similarly, Tony Robbins said it is important to include those who supported you in celebrating your achievements. This way, respect goes both ways.
7. They offer honest feedback when you make mistakes.
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It may seem counterintuitive to have someone who supposedly respects you bring up your mistakes, but true respect includes accountability. When someone who respects you has witnessed you mess up, they are ready to correct you privately.
Accountability expert and speaker Sam Silverstein spoke of “[living] in the accountable mindset of respect.” As he put it, “To live there, all you have to do is recognize that you are a human being, that one of the core requirements of human beings is connection with other human beings via functioning relationships and accept that relationships function best for both parties when there is some aspect of respect on both sides.”
Having someone willing to hold you accountable is a rare gift that should not be taken lightly. If someone is willing to hold you to your word, it’s a sure sign that they have great respect for you and really think the best of you.
8. They accept responsibility by acknowledging their mistakes.
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In the same way, those who respect you will also call themselves out for doing something wrong. If someone has made a mistake in your relationship, they will do what they can to acknowledge it and make it up to you if you are important to them. Respect will push them to be accountable, just as they hold you accountable.
Founder Georgia Murch, GAICD, argued that holding yourself accountable is the ultimate way to grow respect in those around you. She even went so far as to call it the “new sexy.” If someone respects you, they won’t sweep their errors under the rug. They’ll be willing to acknowledge the ways that they can grow and, in turn, strengthen their relationship with you.
9. They actively listen without distractions.
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Have you ever been talking to someone and felt more like they were talking at you than with you? If so, there’s a good chance that person didn’t have a lot of respect for you. People who do will surely listen to what you have to say.
Writer and life coach Caren Osten shared that only 10% of people “listen effectively.” She and the mental health organization The Jed Foundation pointed to the varied distractions in our lives as the reason for this. “In a world full of distractions, it can be easy to get sidetracked and lose focus on the person or people in front of us,” the foundation said.
If someone truly respects you, they will be willing to set those distractions aside, no matter how difficult it may be. Hearing you will be their top priority, not looking at their phone. This is a true sign that they care about and think highly of you.
10. They confront people who are disrespectful to you.
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Someone who truly respects you will want others to do the same. They will be ready to acknowledge when someone doesn’t meet those expectations. They won’t tolerate this disrespectful behavior, and they’ll be prepared to let people know that.
Princeton University noted that disrespect is a dangerous part of a slippery slope that can lead to violence. They recommended not only “calling out,” but also “calling in.” The university said, “‘Calling in’ is about recognizing disrespect, naming it as such, and starting an open discussion about how the behavior doesn’t align with your values or theirs.”
Being willing to call out — or call in — disrespect on others’ part is a sign that someone cares about you and thinks you deserve to be treated with respect. If someone does this for you, it’s an excellent sign.
11. They honor your personal boundaries.
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One of the easiest and best ways to demonstrate respect for someone is to respect their boundaries. Everyone has their own boundaries and needs. One person may not want to be called after a specific time, while another might ask friends to avoid discussing a particular topic. Adhering to these boundaries is a real sign of respect.
Psychologist Meghan Marcum, PsyD, said, “People set boundaries for their safety. Respecting them helps build trust in the relationship and shows the other person you care about their emotional well-being.” In other words, respecting boundaries shows another person that you care about them, want them to be as healthy as possible, and are willing to do whatever it takes to help them achieve that.
If you notice someone adhering to your boundaries, they likely respect you a great deal. After all, they feel it’s important enough to hold your predetermined boundaries in place and not let them come between the two of you in your relationship.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.