11 Things Women Stop Tolerating Once They Know Their Worth
Sometimes it take a while for women to truly respect themselves, but once they do, pretty much everything changes.
ShotPrime Studio / Shutterstock Women who struggle with low-self worth shrink themselves down to fit other people’s definitions of who they should be. They worry that they’re too much: too loud, too opinionated, taking up too much space. They apologize just for existing. But once they know their worth, women stop tolerating things that feel inauthentic to who they really are.
True self-worth can only come from within. This realization sets women free from a world of high standards and realistic expectations. They release the need to compare themselves to anyone else, because they finally know that they are enough.
Here are 11 things women stop tolerating once they know their worth
1. Being interrupted during conversations
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Women who don’t know their worth have a hard time standing up for themselves. They stand on the sidelines of group discussions. They wait for someone else to ask what they think, and even then, they still hesitate to share their honest opinions. They underestimate the contributions they make and let people talk over them.
Once women know their worth, they stop tolerating being interrupted in the middle of a conversation. Self-assured women advocate for their right to speak in a kind yet assertive way. They have no problem saying, “I’m not finished talking.” They know that what they say holds value because they hold value.
2. Being responsible for other people’s feelings
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Once women know their worth, they stop tolerating people who need emotional caretaking. In the past, these women felt responsible for everyone else’s happiness. They contorted themselves to suit other people’s needs and ignored their own emotions. Knowing their worth lets them set emotional boundaries and protect their energy. They acknowledge that they’re not responsible for other people’s feelings and they stop tolerating anyone who thinks otherwise.
Caring about other people’s emotions “make you a very compassionate, empathic person who's kind and considerate,” relationship coach Angela Wetzel explained. These aren’t inherently bad traits, but women with low self-worth often abandon their own emotional needs to take care of others.
“It's only bad when it runs your life and your ability to be authentic because you are so worried about others,” Wetzel shared. “It becomes a bad thing when you take yourself for granted and you see a pattern of others doing the same to you.”
“You can re-orient to taking care of you first, by putting your oxygen mask on before you attempt to help anyone else,” she revealed. “You may lose those who are not okay with you taking care of your needs… but you will attract new people who are interested in giving to you from a place of wholeness."
3. Chasing outside approval
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True self-acceptance is one of life’s most profound gifts, but getting there is a struggle for women who don't know their own worth. Their sense of self depends on other people’s opinions. They compromise their authenticity to fit in and feel loved, but once they know their own worth, women stop tolerating the endless chase for outside approval.
“If your entire self worth is contingent on how they treat you, then that right there is what validation seeking looks like,” dating coach Sabrina Zohar said. She shared that relying on outside approval for your self-worth means, “You morph, you shrink, you perform… You don't know how to feel good on your own.”
“If you genuinely want validation, start giving it to yourself,” Zohar said. “Stop discrediting yourself… Start getting curious. Where did you learn that you have to apologize for having needs?”
The most important relationship you have is with yourself, which is why it’s so important for “you [to] choose you and actually love and validate yourself.”
4. Emotional unavailability
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From a distance, emotionally unavailable people might seem attractive and mysterious, but the closer you get, the more you realize how limited they really are. They can’t face their own feelings, which means they can’t navigate yours, either.
Women stop tolerating emotionally unavailable partners once they know their worth. Therapist Jeff Guenther explained that low self-worth can lead people to seek out emotionally unavailable partners, even when they’re not aware of it.
“You’re attracting unavailable people into your life because there is a subconscious desire to be with them,” he shared. “It meets an unconscious need. This isn’t really your fault. It’s just how your psychology has been set up.”
“If somewhere down the line you picked up the belief that you’re not worthy of love, whether it was from your family, an ex, society, social media, then you’ll naturally attract relationships that will continue to strengthen that core belief,” Guenther said.
“Gently and compassionately tell yourself that that belief doesn’t serve you anymore,” he advised. “It was there to protect you and keep you safe but you no longer need it. Don’t get mad or angry at it. Thank it for protecting you from getting hurt, gently let it go and focus back on what a fulfilling relationship will be like.”
5. Getting passed over for promotions
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Women put up with varying degrees of discrimination and disrespect in the workplace, but once they know their worth, they stop tolerating being passed over for promotions. Even though they pull their weight and hit their goals, they’re not actually advancing in their jobs, which says more about the workplace, itself, than it does about them.
According to a case study from Yale University finance professor Kelly Shue, women are seen as having less leadership potential than men, which means they’re 14% less likely to be promoted at work.
“What is commonly talked about in terms of management and potential are characteristics such as assertiveness, execution skills, charisma, leadership, ambition,” Shue explained, noting that these traits are “highly subjective and stereotypically associated with male leaders.”
The case study estimated that 70% of the gender pay at that specific company was due to gender differences in job levels.
Women can’t single-handedly solve wage inequality. They’re not always able to address the underlying reasons they’re not landing promotions, but they don’t have to sit quietly and tolerate that treatment, either. Women who know their worth know they can walk away from jobs that don’t let them live up to their fullest potential.
6. Inconsistent people
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We accept the treatment we think we deserve, which explains why so many women settle for romantic partners who can’t meet them where they’re at. Yet those women stop tolerating inconsistent people once they know their worth.
On the “Room to Grow” podcast, human connection coach Emily Gough broke down the core issue of unreliable relationships, asking, “What if you valued yourself so much that you were willing to let go of everything, including the inconsistent and one-sided relationships, to make space for powerful, loving, beautiful and consistent relationships that will absolutely light up your life?”
“Someone who is unable or unwilling to recognize your worth or simply isn’t in the headspace to be in a relationship that has very little to do with you and everything to do with them,” she said. Letting go of inconsistent relationships can be painful, but not showing up for yourself fully causes even more harm.
“This is an opportunity to come home to yourself, to do your own inner work, to deepen the connection from within and to fully step into your sense of self-worth,” Gough said. “You have to choose your heart.”
7. Diet culture
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Once women know their worth, they stop tolerating diet culture’s harsh judgment and negative messages. They’ve done the work to redefine how they see themselves. They refuse to entertain commentary on the worthiness of their bodies.
Body image researcher Nadia Craddock told NPR that diet culture is essentially “telling us that there's one way to be and one way to look and one way to eat and that we are a better person, we're a more worthy person if our bodies are a certain way.”
According to Craddock, diet culture language has become more subtle, focusing on holistic wellness, “but there’s still that very common error of equating health and thinness as one in the same.”
Women who know their worth stop tolerating the impossible beauty standards diet culture imposes.
8. Relationships that drain their energy
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For women, knowing their worth changes the way they enter relationships. They stop tolerating people who drain their energy. They set boundaries and reinforce them to protect their inner peace. They commit to taking a long, hard look at how they show up and they stay open to connecting on a healthier level.
As Psychologist Dr. Abby Medcalf pointed out, it takes two people to make a dynamic. Even though one person might be more emotionally draining, the other person “co-created the relationship to be this way.”
“If you want to grow this relationship in a positive direction, you’re going to need to make some changes in how you interact,” she explained. “You’re going to need to come from love, not fear; you’ll need to find your compassion and kindness.”
“Your emotionally draining person is doing the best they can with the tools they have, just as you were all those years when you allowed them to treat you poorly,” Dr. Medcalf shared. “It’s just time to change.”
9. Their inner critic
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Even the most confident women have an inner critic, it’s just that they know how to face it. They know that they’re inherently worthy. They reject that cruel little voice in their head, whispering that they’re not enough. Instead, they talk to themselves with compassion and make the decision to love themselves more.
According to psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff, “self-compassion means being kind and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate.”
“Tender self-compassion involves ‘being with’ ourselves in an accepting way: comforting ourselves, reassuring ourselves that we aren’t alone, and being present with our pain,” she shared. “Tenderness can be turned inward so that we nurture and care for ourselves.”
When we turn compassion inward, “we’re helpful and encouraging, like a good friend, coach or mentor would be,” Dr. Neff explained. “This inner support allows us to feel safe and puts us in a better frame of mind to cope with challenges or make needed changes in our lives.”
10. Burning out
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Women who know their worth stop tolerating chronic stress. They put measures in place to protect against burnout, both at work and in their relationships. They set healthy limits, because they know that creating a fulfilling life is a marathon, not a sprint.
Organizational psychologist Emily Ballesteros warned that burnout “will cost you your health, your relationships, your lifestyle, your quality of life, your personal interests, your identity.”
“A lot of times when people experience burnout, they end up with a full resume and an empty life,” she shared.
Knowing their worth gives women the confidence they need to advocate for themselves, set their own standards, and harness their inner peace.
11. Feeling guilty for putting themselves first
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Women are often pressured to live for everyone but themselves. They’re supposed to define their lives according to someone else’s rules, which means they feel guilty for putting themselves first. Once women know their worth, they’re able to prioritize their needs without getting weighed down by guilt.
“Understanding our emotional needs empowers us to make ourselves happy and can relieve a sense of helplessness that often causes distress,” Holistic Wellness Practice explained. “We can look at the imbalances in our jobs, relationships, and environments from a unique perspective. Instead of thinking there is something wrong with us, we can ask, ‘what needs are not being met?’”
Once they know their worth, women realize that having needs doesn’t make them needy, just as meeting those needs doesn’t make them selfish.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
