11 Things That Are Easy For The Emotionally Strong, But Overly Sensitive People Can't Handle
Being able to handle just about anything is all about your mindset and attitude.
DavideAngelini | Shutterstock When it comes to handling difficult yet inevitable life situations, those who are emotionally strong have a vastly different approach to them than those who tend to be overly sensitive. Because of this, there are things that are easy for the emotionally strong that overly sensitive people cannot handle.
This isn't to say that these situations aren't at time problematic, but rather that the perspectives of emotionally strong people make them bearable. Around 15 to 20% of the population is believed to fall into the category known as "highly sensitive people,” those who are "more disturbed than others by violence, tension, or feelings of being overwhelmed." Being overly sensitive can often make life’s obstacles even more overwhelming. However, it's important to note that it's never too late to build resilience and develop better coping skills.
Here are 11 things that are easy for the emotionally strong, but overly sensitive people cannot handle
1. Constructive criticism
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Emotionally strong people are able to grasp that constructive criticism is not an attack on their character, but rather an opportunity for growth. It provides them with the necessary feedback that will allow them to reflect on their actions, behaviors or work. Even though it may be tough to hear, constructive criticism also builds emotional resilience. Learning to accept and act on feedback without taking it personally strengthens your ability to handle setbacks and adapt to new situations.
Overly sensitive people may take constructive criticism as a sign of failure with no opportunity to improve. However, this is far from reality.
“We tend to over-identify with our work, so any criticism feels like a personal attack,” Ellen Hendriksen, PhD, a clinical psychologist and author of “How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists,” told WonderMind.
It's important to recognize that the point of constructive criticism is a tool for personal growth and development, not a criticism of one’s character, and we should not perceive it as a measure of our self-worth. Overly sensitive people often struggle with this concept.
2. Bouncing back from setbacks
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When faced with a setback (and we will all experience plenty of them), emotionally strong people are more likely to perceive it as a temporary challenge to overcome. They often use it as an opportunity to learn from their mistakes, acknowledge their emotions and build a concrete plan to address the setback while moving forward.
“Mentally strong people are both open-minded and flexible about problem-solving and tend to avoid rigid thinking. They provide positive and resilient self-talk to get through their setback,” psychotherapist Tracy Hutchinson, Ph.D., revealed.
She used the late Steve Jobs as an example of a mentally strong individual who overcame early setbacks and went on to achieve phenomenal success. Jobs said being fired from Apple was “the best thing” that ever happened to him since it opened the door for him to create NeXT and Pixar.
Overly sensitive people, on the other hand, may look at setbacks as pure defeat, preventing themselves from reflecting and embarking on new opportunities.
3. Emotional regulation
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Emotionally strong people have a strong grip on their emotions since they have developed specific skills and mindsets that allow them to handle their feelings in healthier ways. They often have a high level of self-awareness, resilience and a growth-oriented mindset that allow them to navigate difficult emotions.
This doesn't mean emotionally strong people never get upset. It just means they're able to control how they respond situations that upset them. They pause, take a breath and choose to respond in a way that aligns with their values.
Overly sensitive people tend to feel their emotions much more intensely, and it can be difficult for them to remain level-headed when their emotions arise. Fortunately, emotional regulation is a skill that can be learned by anyone willing to try.
4. Ambiguity
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In the face of uncertainty, emotionally strong people tend to remain calm and focused instead of going into an emotional spiral. They understand that not everything in life is clear-cut, and they're okay with navigating situations where the outcome cannot be accurately predicted. They embrace this uncertainty as a part of life that allows them to expand their way of thinking.
For example, let’s say an emotionally strong person was looking for a job and stumbled upon a posting that states that the preferred candidate “must have strong communication skills,” without specifying what type of communication is required. The individual may use this as a challenge to brush up on all of their communication skills — such as written, verbal, or presentation — even though they are unsure which ones they will need for the job.
An overly sensitive person may see this job posting and go into a panic over the ambiguity of it. They need to know every precise detail of the communication skills required at this very second, and are unable to move forward when expectations are unclear.
“As human beings, we dislike uncertainty for a real reason. We need and want answers. And this unsettling feeling we have is our innate way of signaling that we’re not in the routine anymore,” Maggie Jackson, a journalist and the author of “Uncertain: The Wisdom and Wonder of Being Unsure,” shared during an appearance on “The Gray Area” podcast.
Emotionally strong human beings don't view ambiguity as something to fear. Instead, they see it as an opportunity to get creative, making them more adaptable in unclear situations they are able to work through with a clear head.
5. Self-validation
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Emotionally strong people are sure of themselves and don't seek the external validation of others. Their solid foundation is built on their sense of self-worth, which is derived from their own accomplishments and personal qualities.
Overly sensitive people, on the other hand, may heavily depend on the validation from others to build their self-esteem, and if they do not receive it, they often retreat into a pit of self-wallow. When they chronically rely on others to remind them that they are worthy, their brains become wired to believe that their value only comes from others' approval.
Even though getting validation may feel good in the moment, overtime it can limit one’s authenticity, stifle their growth and independence, and diminish their internal compass. Finding validation within oneself is key to emotional strength.
6. Taking risks
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Emotionally strong people aren't afraid to jump into something they’ve never attempted before, even knowing if they'll fail. Taking risks isn't limited to extreme physical activities that are borderline dangerous, like going skydiving or BMX biking without a helmet. There are many ways one can step out of their comfort zone that involve personal development and emotional growth, like switching majors in the middle of your schooling, walking away from a toxic relationship, or investing in real estate.
Emotionally strong people embrace taking risks, seeing them as opportunities for growth and learning. Overly sensitive people, however, may shy away from taking risks due to the fear of failure, assuring themselves that it is safer to stay in their comfort zone rather than charter unknown territory.
Little do they know, avoiding risk taking may be holding them back from some of the greatest opportunities of their lives. They may have dominated that marathon they avoided training for because they didn’t consider themselves a seasoned runner, or they may have missed out on an incredible career because they believed it was too late for them to go back to school and obtain their degree.
Even if taking risks doesn't always go the way you hope, you will be an emotionally stronger person than those who never even tried.
7. Letting go of the past
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Emotionally strong people are able to forgive and forget. While they acknowledge their past experiences, they don't use them to hold grudges against others or themselves. Instead, they actively choose to learn from them and move forward without being held back by hurt or regret.
For example, if you are emotionally strong and once found yourself in a relationship where your partner never respected you or made you feel worthy, you use your past to break that cycle rather than hang onto it and find yourself in a similar situation. Emotionally strong people don't assume that because they experienced a traumatic relationship in the past, that's what they deserve and all of their future relationships will be the same.
Overly sensitive people tend to hold onto the past and fixate on all of the would’ves, should’ves, and could’ves, rather than use them as motivation to do better in the future.
Instead of viewing the past with a mindset of "I wish I had done differently" or "I can’t believe that happened," trying viewing the past as a collection of meaningful experiences that shaped you into a person who has been through struggles and came out stronger on the other side.
8. Handling rejection
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Emotionally strong people recognize that rejection is a common experience associated with growth. They are able to bounce back from it without it affecting their sense of self-worth, and see it as an opportunity to improve certain aspects of themselves in the future.
Some of the most successful people have encountered significant rejection. Take Craig French, a sales executive and mindset coach who once appeared on ABC’s “Shark Tank” to pitch his clothing brand to investors.
“One of the biggest moments of rejection in my career was filming the pilot episode of ABC’s Shark Tank. I had a clothing brand called Crooked Jaw and was asked to fly out to Los Angeles to pitch the Sharks on investing in my business. Well, needless to say, I did not get the investment and had to face rejection on national television. That episode still re-airs to this day, so I am forced to relive that experience whenever it is on TV,” French told Jyothsna S Bhat, Psy.D., in an interview for Psychology Today.
Overly sensitive people may take rejection like this as a sign to never put themselves out there again. However, French took it as a sign to exercise his emotional strength and continue pitching his ideas.
“As a business owner once again, I am constantly pitching my wellness services to companies who tell me ‘No, not right now, mindfulness and solving burnout is not a priority,’” he said. Rather than let rejection deter him, French chose to actively practice mindfulness and the belief that a “no” does not necessarily mean “never.”
9. Remaining objective in decision making
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Emotionally strong people are able to remain objective, making decisions based on logic and reason while pushing their personal beliefs aside when appropriate. They recognize that there are multiple ways of looking at any particular issue, and know that following their gut reaction may not be the wisest way of sizing up the situation.
Overly sensitive people find it extremely difficult to see both sides of a given coin, clinging tightly to beliefs that feel safe, familiar, and comfortable. They view difficult questions that challenge their worldview frightening, becoming defensive when their standard choices and opinions are challenged.
While overly sensitive people remain close-mindedness to the point of sometimes making irrational choices, emotionally strong people focus on objectivity, ensuring that their decisions are not rooted in emotional bias and accepting the fact that their opinions may even change.
10. Staying calm during conflict
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One of the best ways you get a point across is by remaining calm, clear and rational. Emotionally strong people have a tendency to do this, while overly sensitive people typically escalate situations by getting defensive and allowing their emotions to be at the front and center.
Those who are emotionally strong have developed key traits and strategies that allow them to manage their emotions effectively, including self-awareness, resilience, and accountability. Going into a conflict with emotions running high and refusing to even take the other side into account is a recipe for emotional disaster.
“If I get dysregulated, other people are more likely to become dysregulated themselves, even if they manifest it in different ways than I do,” shared Danya Rumore, Ph.D., director of the Environmental Dispute Resolution program in the Wallace Stegner Center at the University of Utah.
“For example, I might be exhibiting anger and they might shut down. Along similar lines, if I keep my calm and stay present, that will help others maintain or return to a calm state,” Rumore continued. “That means that how different people react to conflict is going to have implications for other involved parties. It also means that, when dealing with conflict and in general, we influence others’ states in either negative or positive ways, and with that comes a certain responsibility.”
Emotionally strong people are not only helping themselves when they remain calm during conflict. Their attitude radiates toward the other parties involved, making them more likely to peacefully reach a resolution.
11. Setting boundaries
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While some people may view others’ personal boundaries as unfair, emotionally strong people are not deterred by this and do what is best for themselves. Prioritizing their own well-being comes naturally to them, while overly sensitive people often worry about how others will perceive their boundaries, constantly needing to explain them and questioning their true justifications.
While it can be difficult to say “no” and potentially hurt someone’s feelings, we have to recognize the fact that we cannot pour from an empty cup. Emotionally strong people derive their strength from drawing appropriate boundaries and allowing their brains the time to rest and recuperate when necessary.
Overly sensitive people are often worried about others and how their boundaries will make them feel. While they believe they are being kind, some people will use it to take advantage of them and manipulate them into doing things that cross their boundaries.
There is absolutely nothing unkind with putting your foot down when life gets overwhelming and setting firm boundaries with those who expect us to be everywhere doing everything all at once. Emotionally strong people have no problem turning down additional work without a raise or an invitation to grab coffee with a friend when they are completely burnt out and need to sit in the tub alone for awhile.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.