7 Behaviors Emotionally Strong Women Have Zero Patience For In Relationships
Don’t settle for anything less than love and happiness.
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva Whether you're single, partnered, or dating, having a strong emotional foundation is key to happiness on your own — and with partners. This starts with having high standards for your behavior and how you'll be treated by others. That's why emotionally strong women have zero patience for certain behaviors — and will let people know when their lines are crossed.
The key is setting clear goals and reaching them. It's also about not tolerating anyone who expects you to be anything other than who you are: strong, vibrant, and interesting — all on your own!
Seven things emotionally strong women won't tolerate in relationships
1. The expectation they'll be someone they're not
First and foremost, in relationships, work, friendships, and life, be yourself. You may think people won’t like the person you are. You may believe the person you are can’t succeed at work. And you find it hard to believe anyone could ever be attracted to you.
All those things are things you tell yourself but aren’t necessarily true. Who you are has gotten you to where you are today with the friends and the life you have. Why is it important to be yourself? Because how can you be emotionally strong if you are trying to be someone you're not?
How can you stay strong knowing you aren’t being authentic, keeping up this pretense is increasingly difficult, and ultimately, you are going to be found out in the end. It would only cause you anxiety. So be yourself, always, in a relationship. If your person falls in love with who you are, you can feel confident in their love for you, and it will give you emotional strength.
2. Red flag people and relationships
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There's nothing that can cause more insecurity than ignoring red flags. These are the signs you see that should stop you from moving forward in your relationship. Unfortunately, red flags are often ignored. For example, your partner is always talking about an ex, regularly drinks too much, has employment issues, is unkind to you, etc.
So, why would ignoring red flags make you not be emotionally strong in a relationship? Because you would know, deep down, some things are — or will be — fundamentally wrong with this relationship. Deep down, knowing it’s there and you're ignoring it — or worse, trying to fix it — will only make you feel insecure and anxious or put you in harm's way, as shown by an American Psychological Association study.
If you see a red flag, run. Run as fast as you can so you can find someone who is flying only green flags. He's out there!
3. Clinginess
Clinginess is usually the result of your person pulling away for some reason. Where before, they used to always be there, now, for whatever reason, they aren’t. And when that happens, we become clingy.
Unfortunately, clinginess gets you nowhere. When a guy feels like you need too much, they will more likely than not pull away, even if things are good. No one likes someone who "needs" them in an extreme way.
Psychologist Kristin Davin explained how "Being too emotionally needy creates an unhealthy dynamic in even the best relationships, so if you find your neediness is out of control, you need to figure out how to stop being so clingy.
"Being a healthy person means standing on your own. You should be able to tolerate being alone and manage your stuff. You should have the ability to express your needs. And your relationship should be best described as interdependent, with a reasonable balance of time spent together and time spent apart."
Not being clingy is especially important if your person is pulling away. If your person is pulling away and you sense it and just cling harder, your self-esteem will plummet. You will start blaming yourself for what's happening and cling more, so your person moves further away or even leaves. You will be left a shell of yourself — not emotionally strong at all.
So, if you're feeling clingy, ask yourself why. If it’s because your partner is pulling away, ask them why. If you're clingy because of an issue around abandonment or some such, talk to your person about it. Communication is a key way to be an emotionally strong woman in a relationship. Being clingy is not.
4. Sacrificing their own life and interests
For many women, when they get involved with someone, they give up their own lives. They turn their backs on their friends, their hobbies, and the things that make them "them."
I remember once, at a family reunion, I was reading the Bible just because I had never read it before. My sister told my daughter there had to be a guy involved because I would never do anything new unless there was a guy involved. If there was a guy involved, I would change to be just like them.
Hearing that didn’t make me feel good, but it was true. I do tend to turn myself into a pretzel to be what a guy would want and often become less of myself, and it has never served me.
So, if you want to be an emotionally strong woman in a relationship, a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology recommends staying with yourself. Be with your friends and do those things to bring you joy. These things will make you a stronger and better partner!
5. Passivity
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Communication is the key to success in any relationship. If there are issues to be addressed or compliments to be given, everyone should speak up.
"What would it be like if you had better communication skills? If you could speak your truth without causing major problems? What difference would that make in your life? The truth is you can’t avoid conflict. It's part of relating. However, you can gain the skills to make conflicts less and less frequent, as well as decrease how long they last. Be a wave instead of a tornado," advised relationship coach Anna Thea.
I am not saying to be unkind. I am saying don’t let issues get swept under the rug. Don’t assume your husband knows what you want for your birthday. Don’t go to bed angry; be sure things will be fine in the morning.
It's essential for an emotionally strong woman in a relationship to speak up for what she wants so she can get what she wants and be happy. It's on you. No one can read your mind. Problems that aren’t addressed right away can fester until they are very destructive. And don’t forget, on the flip side, to tell your person everything they are doing to make you happy. If you do, you will most likely just get more of it.
6. A lack of self-awareness
An emotionally strong woman is someone who knows who she is in the world. Who has done her work and has accepted herself, warts and all. She expects the same from a partner — or even a good friend!
I know it sounds like a big order, and I am not saying you have to fix all of your stuff to be emotionally strong, but it does mean you need to be aware of who you are both in and of yourself and in a relationship.
- Do you take care of yourself?
- Do you respect and love yourself?
- Do you take care of your body and your mind?
- Do you have friends and family and a job you love?
Or perhaps you aren’t happy with your body, wish you had gotten that promotion, or wonder how you are going to pay your electric bill after all that Christmas shopping. We all have issues — knowing and accepting them is the key to being emotionally strong. You can certainly try to fix them as well, but just knowing they are with you will take you a long way towards emotional strength.
The other piece of self-awareness is knowing who you are in a relationship. What kind of things, good and bad, do you bring into it?
I know when I was married, I was a nag, and I treated my husband horribly. I had no idea I was as bad as I was, and ultimately it destroyed my relationship. In my new marriage, I go out of my way not to nag or treat my husband with contempt — even though the urge is there, often daily. Instead, I take a deep breath, figure out what my issue is, and address it in a way I can be proud of.
I spent a ton of time reflecting on my role at the end of my marriage and what I could have done differently. Instead of just taking who I was into my new marriage and doing the same things again, I have the self-awareness to know what I do to make a relationship strong and what I fail to do. This time around, my marriage is going to work!
7. Deprioritizing health
A key part of being emotionally strong is to stay physically strong. Many of us think our brains and our bodies are separate things, what we do with one doesn’t have any effect on the other. Unfortunately, a study in The International Journal of Psychoanalysis shows this just isn’t true. The two are connected in ways still being explored.
What I do know is if your body is weak and sick and not giving you a good foundation, being emotionally strong will be next to impossible. It’s like trying to drive a car with gummed-up fuel: you are just going to stall out before you reach your destination.
I am not saying it’s time to head out and get a gym membership and stop eating sugar and caffeine. What I am saying is to get out for a walk and get your heart rate up.
- Make sure you eat well and consume sugar and caffeine in moderation.
- Make sure you get enough sleep so you spend time with friends and family.
- Do all of the things to fill up your tank so you can get where it is you want to be.
Being an emotionally strong woman in a relationship is the best way to make it successful. If you are who you are, you don’t ignore red flags or get clingy, and if you keep your life and speak up for what you want, you will believe you deserve love and happiness, and you won’t be willing to settle for anything less!
Good for you for seeking to understand. Now go forth, be emotionally strong, and make it happen! You can do it!
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in MSN, Prevention, and Psych Central.