Psychology Says If You Can Master These 9 Skills, You'll Remain Mentally Strong Into Your 80s
Skills to keep you mentally strong as you age.
Karsten Winegeart | Unsplash Mental strength helps us resist being derailed by negative thoughts, recover from life's ups and downs, and improve our overall well-being. Like physical strength, mental strength is a kind of mental muscle that we can develop.
Years of awkwardness and self-doubt taught me something fascinating: Our behaviors reflect how we think about ourselves. Not only that but how we feel about ourselves also reflects our behaviors. It’s a two-way loop. This means that small actions make a massive difference in how mentally strong we are as we age. Here are the habits that helped me.
If you can master these skills, you'll remain mentally strong well into your 80s:
1. Show genuine kindness to others
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Show genuine kindness. Chuckle when someone says a joke. Write someone a thank you text. Take a moment to comment on someone’s blog post.
Most people are so preoccupied with themselves they don’t have time to care for anyone else. But this is the problem.
You will feel worse about yourself when you’re focused on yourself. Focus on others, even in small ways, and you will view yourself entirely differently.
2. Eliminate self-critical thoughts
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Yes, how we think is a habit. There is a direct link between how seriously I took my critical thoughts about myself and my sense of self-respect.
When I turned my attention away from self-criticism, again and again, I felt so much better. We must be intolerant of harmful thoughts.
People say you need to "love yourself." That’s a waste of time. All you need to do is let go of critical thoughts, and love will appear.
Effectively letting go of self-critical thoughts is primarily achieved through practices like mindfulness meditation. These practices allow individuals to observe their negative thoughts without judgment, enabling them to detach from them and gradually replace them with more positive self-talk.
Neuroimaging research showed that mindfulness can decrease activity in brain regions associated with negative self-evaluation.
3. Adjust your posture
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Sit up a little more than you usually would. Walk a fraction taller with a hint of a jump in your step.
Tilt your chin to the sky when you’re out and about. Feel a bold energy flow through you as you adjust your physical stature to who you know you can be.
They’ve done studies on this that show posture influences how you feel. Walk tall, even if you initially feel awkward. You’ll soon feel better.
4. Trust your gut instinct
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Sounds woo-woo and fluffy and "self-help-ey," right? Right. And that’s why you’re preoccupied with the material world, your goals and targets, and how you’re coming across to other people.
And then you wonder why you’re stressed. Most of us neglect the quiet voice guiding us beneath all the noise. Gut instinct is indeed a thing. And it works.
We are all driven by an internal guidance system that shows us each step of the way. Listen for it. You’ll realize something powerful when you do: You already have everything you need.
Improving your intuition can be achieved through meditation, regular journaling, paying attention to your body sensations, aligning with your values, actively reflecting on past experiences, and practicing trusting your initial gut feelings.
2010 research found these methods help you access and interpret the unconscious signals your brain is picking up on, enhancing your ability to make quick, informed decisions based on subtle cues.
5. Quit that vice
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As Aristotle said, "We are what we repeatedly do." So quit doing things that you don’t even respect. You know that vice. Identify the thing that draws you in for the short-term pleasure, which leaves you drained and depressed.
Replace that habit with something uplifting. Don’t worry about changing your life right now.
Focus on saying no, just this one time to one habit. If you begin viewing yourself as someone with self-control, your confidence will skyrocket immediately.
6. Lift the mood
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When you next speak to someone, be the one to make the interaction 5% more fun than it would otherwise be. Align the vibe to the appropriateness of the situation, but don’t be the guy who dampens the mood.
Lift it a little. You don’t need to be over-the-top in your interactions. Just bring a sense of lightness to your expression, be it in person or writing. Notice how you begin to enjoy your own company a little more.
7. Sharpen your appearance
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We can’t change how we look naturally (too much), but we can tidy ourselves up as best we can. Many give me trouble for this because they say it’s ‘superficial.’
Say what you will, but the small details make a huge difference. Notice how you feel after a haircut.
Get rid of the stains on your clothes. Clean your dirty shoes. All this contributes to a heightened sense of pride and self-respect. Others will feel this.
8. Stop lying, even the white ones
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Okay, little white lies to avoid unnecessarily offending others may be appropriate. That’s just commonsensical tact. But your deepest reserves of self-respect come out of your living and behaving authentically.
Do what you say you’re going to do. Be honest with yourself and others. Say the things few others dare to say.
This takes enormous courage in this age and will multiply your self-respect. Whenever we lie, we stab ourselves with a tiny knife.
We lose a piece of us when we hide. Lying will reinforce the idea in your mind that you believe you aren’t whole and you’re a deceiver. Self-respect is to live honestly.
Lying can have significant negative consequences on an individual's self-esteem, mental health, and relationships, highlighting the importance of honesty.
A study published by the British Psychological Society showed that even small acts of deception can increase negative emotions like guilt, discomfort, and decreased trust in social interactions, ultimately impacting overall well-being when practiced regularly.
9. Slow down
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Something I missed for decades was how my self-respect would drop when I rushed things. When we rush, whether it’s a task at hand or how we talk (most of us talk too fast), we’re unwittingly confirming our doubts about ourselves.
If we rush, we’re saying: ‘I can’t do this well, and I’m afraid, so let’s get through this as quickly as possible.’ Stop. Slow down.
When we slow down to the speed of life, we’re acknowledging a part of ourselves that is entirely comfortable in their skin — purely at ease with the chaos and uncertainty of life. You may think that slowing down will make life harder, or you will lose out.
The opposite happens. Slow down, and watch your self-respect soar.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.