10 Subtle Signs Someone Has Negative Feelings About You, Even If They Try To Hide It
You deserve to have people in your life who feel positively about you and show it with their actions.
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock It’s never pleasant to discover that someone has negative feelings about you. Unfortunately, this is a reality we will all have to face. No one can be universally liked, even if you think you are an exception to the rule. Some people will feel negatively about you, even if they try to hide it.
If someone harbors negative feelings towards you, it’s good to identify that as soon as possible — you don’t want to be stuck with what researchers call “emotional contagion.” Writer Crystal Raypole defined this as what “happens when you mimic, usually without conscious effort, the emotions and expressions of people around you.” This indicates that if others feel negatively towards you, you can easily sense those emotions and reflect them back. The last thing anyone desires is more negativity, so it’s best to avoid this entirely.
Here are 10 subtle signs someone has negative feelings about you:
1. They use passive-aggressive behavior to hide their negative feelings.
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The first sign someone has negative feelings about you can be hard to pick up on. Passive aggression can be difficult to identify because it is inherently subtle. But, it’s an important indicator that a relationship, whether platonic or romantic, isn’t quite what you think it is.
Writer Keyaira Boone identified passive aggression as “indirect hostility and the omission of open communication. It’s snide comments, ugly looks, and the silent treatment.”
Dr. Brook Choulet said passive-aggression includes things like backhanded compliments, which you aren’t immediately sure are meant to mean. “You’re like, wait, was that just me thinking that that was mean, or was that actually mean?” she said. Licensed clinical social worker Hannah Owens revealed miscommunication is “accidental,” but passive-aggression is “intentional.”
Passive-aggressive people can seriously play games with your mind and confuse you about what’s real and what isn’t. Although this isn’t the most straightforward indicator to identify, it’s a sure sign that someone has negative feelings about you.
2. They rarely reach out unless they need something from you.
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Feeling like you're the only one making an effort in a relationship can be frustrating. But if you are, it could be a sign that the other person has negative feelings about you.
Writing for Healthline, Crystal Raypole said that friendships are designed to be two-sided. “You may notice that you’re always the one to make contact, or your friend only gets in touch when they need something,” she said. “They may need help, someone to talk to, money, transportation, or another favor. But, they never text or call to see how you are or to spend time together.”
This kind of one-sided friendship is not what you want. It’s a clear sign that you are more invested in the relationship than the other person is. If you’re the only one reaching out without needing something, they probably don’t feel too positively toward you and only see you as a resource.
3. They dominate conversations by only talking about themselves.
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Another sign that someone feels negatively towards you is that they only talk about themselves, refusing to let you get a word in. This shows that they don’t care about what you have to say. That’s no way for a friendship to work.
Researchers Amanda Rose, Ph. D., and Rebecca Schwartz-Mette called this kind of conversation monopolization “conversational self-focus.” Rose added that it can be detrimental to friendships. “Friends of self-focusers saw their relationships as low quality and getting even worse over time,” she said.
If someone makes every conversation you have about them, this shows a distinct lack of care for you and what you think. This can be especially troublesome when you have important news to share. If someone isn’t willing to let you do that, they likely feel negatively about you.
4. They frequently cancel plans without a genuine reason.
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Everyone has to cancel plans from time to time. Things just come up in life, whether it’s a family emergency or the need for a mental health day. However, if someone repeatedly cancels plans with you, it’s a pretty good indicator that they don’t hold your relationship in high esteem and, therefore, feel negatively about you.
Research from Michigan State University suggests that canceling plans may not be as problematic as the reason behind it. Professor William Chopik and his colleagues found that “the worst thing you can do is lie about your reason for canceling.” Furthermore, having a valid reason for canceling, like a family or work obligation, also removed a bit of the sting.
Canceling plans for these reasons on occasion is fine and completely understandable. But when someone seems to be evading you just because they can, it’s probably a sign that they have much less invested in the relationship than you do. Likely, they don’t want to be around you because they feel negatively towards you.
5. They consistently bring up your past mistakes to undermine your confidence.
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Most of us beat ourselves up enough for the times we’ve messed up in the past. We don’t need those we think care about us doing it, too. Yet, it happens far too often. Someone who seems like a trusted friend or partner will continue to bring up mistakes you made that belong in the past. It’s hurtful and demoralizing.
Abby Medcalf, Ph.D., noted that pinpointing exactly why someone keeps bringing up your past mistakes can often be tricky. It could be because they’re dealing with unresolved trauma, or maybe you’re still engaging in some behavior that reminds them of it. An equally plausible explanation is that they don’t like you.
If someone doesn’t like you and has negative feelings for you, they’ll want to keep you feeling down about yourself. Highlighting past missteps is a great way to do this. It keeps your relationship in the past when things might have been even worse than they are now. A good friend will always be willing to forgive and let go.
6. They show little interest in celebrating your achievements or ideas.
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Feeling jealousy and resentment towards someone achieving more than you is natural. Writing for Talkspace, Ashley Laderer said, “It’s possible that people around you are doing amazing things, and even if you are too, you might still feel that jealousy running through your veins.”
However, true friends will be there to celebrate your successes and champion your ideas, even if it may rub them the wrong way just a little bit. Not doing so, writers Breanna Mona and Sandra Silva said, can show a lack of empathy. “But if you’re the only person they treat this way, it may be personal,” they shared when writing for PsychCentral. It doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It may be they just don’t feel close to you or are compatible with your personality.”
If someone doesn’t want to see you shine, it can be a clear sign that they are harboring negative feelings for you. After all, how could you feel positively about someone and not be excited to see them get the recognition they deserve?
7. They ignore the things that matter most to you.
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You’ll unlikely find a friend or partner who is an absolute perfect match and takes interest in everything you care about. However, someone who doesn’t care about anything important to you probably doesn’t feel that great about you.
This lack of caring about your feelings is problematic for relationships. Licensed therapist Jenny Walters said, “There may be some healing work to do if being around people who don’t care about you feels familiar. Talk it through with people you trust or a therapist if one is available for you. From there, you can get clear about what you need in a relationship and that need will be validated by those who do care about you.”
For your well-being, you’ll want to surround yourself with people who care about you and what is important to you. People who don’t aren’t worth your time and likely feel negatively towards you.
8. They lack enthusiasm for nurturing your relationship.
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If someone seems pretty low on the excitement scale regarding your relationship with them, there’s a good chance they’re harboring some negative feelings about you. While it’s unnecessary to be gushing about someone 24/7 for a friendship or partnership to work, a lack of enthusiasm likely means they’re just not invested.
Kendra Cherry, MSEd, explained that this is a sign of a one-sided relationship. “A one-sided relationship can be defined as an imbalanced interpersonal relationship where one person invests more energy or where one person wields more control,” she said.”This imbalance can be one of many factors, such as one person being more committed or more interested in the relationship.”
If you have warm feelings for a relationship and your counterpart, but they seem to be pulling away, it could be a subtle sign that they have some negative emotions. While you may care about this person, one-sided relationships are not worth your time and effort. You deserve better.
9. They are unwilling to open up and share their true feelings.
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Trust is an integral part of any relationship. But it’s important to remember that trust is a two-way street. If you trust someone, and they’re not willing to extend that same trust in return, there may be a problem.
Trust, clinical psychologist Brian Licuanan, Ph.D., said, is key to vulnerability, which is, in turn, the secret to openness. “With trust comes the likelihood of more openness and each person willing to give more of themselves emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually,” he stated.
If someone is unwilling to be open with you, you don’t have much of a relationship. All you have is something one-sided. This lack of openness could be a clear sign that they don’t care about you that much, or worse, feel negatively towards you. When transparency and trust are not reciprocated, it’s best to move on.
10. They treat everyone kindly except you.
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We all know that person who lights up a room. Their attitude is infectious, and their personality contagious. They seem to care about everyone… but you. This is a tough pill to swallow, especially when you are being kind to them, and they just can’t seem to return that emotion.
Being treated with rudeness is never okay. This can easily go unnoticed if someone is slightly too formal in their communication with you. On the other hand, it could be more obvious. Abigail Lev, PsyD, said, “They might make indirect statements that are mean, rude, or put you down in some way. Their jokes or remarks can have a negative tone, making you feel undermined or not valued in the friendship.”
If someone is being nice to everyone except for you, it’s a telltale sign that they aren’t interested in continuing that friendship. They likely have negative feelings for you that they can’t overcome. You deserve to have better, healthier relationships than that.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.