5 Slam-Dunk Replies To Shut Down Someone Who Criticizes You, According To Experts
These smart comebacks will leave your critics speechless.
Jaclyn Moy | Unsplash Whether you are receiving harsh continual criticism or criticism thinly veiled as unsolicited advice, the feelings associated are negative. Criticism can make you want to pull yourself into a ball and roll into a forgotten corner.
We've all been there and probably thought of a witty retort hours or days later. To be prepared next time, there are some slam-dunk replies you can have ready. So instead of turning into a ball and rolling into the corner, you can shut down their criticism with these expert-backed responses.
Here are five slam-dunk replies to shut down someone who criticizes you:
1. 'How did you come to that view?'
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Curiosity, acceptance, and appreciation of differences will generate understanding, advises career consultant Ruth Schimel. They include cultural, economic, and political examples as well as autobiographical and resource-based matters.
As with any investment of long-term value, building trust involves work, risk, and good judgment. The process itself usually benefits from small steps that accrue over time. As a foundation for self-confidence and comfort with oneself, it also girds important relationships; it provides lubrication for easing fraught situations, negotiating, and problem-solving as well.
2. 'I hear you and understand where you're coming from'
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After saying that, therapist Gloria Brame advises nothing more needs to be said. But it's on you to then figure out where their criticism comes from.
Always consider the source. Does this person chronically try to provoke, manipulate, or diminish you to boost their ego? Or are they genuine allies offering constructive feedback to help you grow?
Dismiss random criticism from strangers. Their opinions don't matter because they don't really know you and are just trying to get under your skin. Similarly, disregard opinions from those who consistently focus on your flaws — their judgment lacks credibility. You'd be better off limiting contact with them. Their negativity is a drain on your emotional stability.
However, when criticism comes from someone who is usually kind and supportive, they may have your best interests at heart. Take time to reflect on whether their insights could lead to meaningful improvement in your life.
3. 'Thank you for your feedback, I"ll think about it'
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Psychologist Sharon Saline stresses that there is no point in trying to convince somebody who is criticizing you and judging you that they are wrong and you are right. Just walk away after acknowledging you have heard them. Then call a friend or family member, anybody who can offer you support.
4. 'I don't feel like your comment is helpful to me right now. Can you please stop?'
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We teach people how to treat us, explains relationship coach Jennifer Twardowski. Make the person aware of what is acceptable and what isn't acceptable. Do this either through your words, your actions, or a mixture of both.
For instance, if someone is being rather negative and directing it at you with a non-constructive critical comment or a pessimistic attitude, you can say something like, "I don't appreciate your comment," "Can you please not talk to me like that? It makes me feel ____," or, "I don't feel like your comment is helpful to me right now. Can you please stop?"
Make it known that you don't accept someone talking to you in this way. You may need or want to pair this with an action. Like distancing yourself from the person or not acknowledging them when they do talk.
As you normally would with a child, you may want to say, "Please don't talk to me like that. If you continue, then..." and state what you will do. Follow through with it if they break the boundary you set.
Learning to do this with very difficult people who don't have any sense of boundaries can feel very draining. You may also feel like they just don't "get it" and will never "get it." Know that it isn't your responsibility to teach them; they must learn this for themselves.
5. Nothing
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Counselor Michele Weiner-Davis recommends shutting someone down doesn’t require getting them to stop criticizing, which may never happen. It’s about shutting down the power you have given them to make you feel bad.
So, the response requires changing your self-talk when the criticism occurs. Remind yourself to consider the source- is the critical person unhappy, competitive, feeling “less than,” or just plain nasty?
Tell yourself their comment says more about them person than you. Reflect on who you are, and how the critical comment is not descriptive of you at all.
Mastering positive self-talk offers you life-long immunity to mean-spirited comments. Sometimes, we have to tell ourselves to walk away from a situation where we are being criticized, especially when the critic is harsh, abusive, or unrelenting. There comes a point where you have to stop yourself because they won't stop regardless of what you say or request.
Being open to advice and help from others is great, but leaving yourself open to judgmental people will only let your self-criticism become a nay-sayer as well.
Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.