11 Phrases Brilliant People Use When Someone Gives Unsolicited Advice
Protect your boundaries while keeping relationships strong.
Andrij Garry | Shutterstock When we’re looking for a supportive shoulder to cry on or a safe space to vent, the last thing we want to hear in response to our vulnerability is a misguided solution or unsolicited advice — even if it’s well-intentioned. Experts like Dr. Kelsey M. Latimer from KML Psychological Services suggest unprompted and unsolicited advice in any conversation or relationship can feel inherently dismissive and invalidating.
Even when they’re coming from a place of love or support, a new perspective or solution isn’t always going to come across as reassuring to someone looking for space to vent. To combat the negative feelings associated with these conversations, there are several phrases brilliant people use when someone gives unsolicited advice that can reassert boundaries and help ensure conversations remain productive and healthy.
Here are 11 phrases brilliant people use when someone gives unsolicited advice:
1. ‘I really just need someone to listen right now’
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When we’re struggling emotionally, grappling with grief, or navigating hardships in our lives, often, we’re only looking for support from our loved ones. While support looks different for everyone, the foundation is feeling heard and understood. When someone reacts to our uncomfortable emotions or grief with solutions to “fix our problems,” that’s not only dismissive of our feelings but invalidating our difficult experiences.
2. ‘Thanks for offering advice, but I’m still processing this and need to vent’
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As experts from The Gottman Institute explain, setting boundaries in conversation is truly an act of kindness that reminds other people of your limits, the kind of respect you demand, and what you need to feel heard and comfortable.
Not every piece of unsolicited advice is malicious, so fighting well-intentioned comments with offense isn’t always productive in healthy relationships — use boundary setting with phrases like this instead.
3. ‘I’m not looking for solutions’
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Expressing emotions is difficult enough in relationships, especially between people who generally struggle with vulnerability or having open, genuine conversations. With a list of best practices, like therapy expert Susan Heitler explains, and other phrases like “I feel…” rather than “You make me feel…” you can help make these uncomfortable conversations personally more comfortable.
However, there’s no way to control how other people will respond to your vulnerability; sometimes, it’s with solutions that feel dismissive and rigid. By directly calling out the unsolicited advice, you can set boundaries that give you control over these conversations and protect you from feeling consistently unheard or misunderstood.
4. ‘I’ll give that some thought’
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If you can’t actively seek support or don’t feel comfortable setting a boundary around unsolicited advice with someone, consider passively accepting their solutions and moving forward. Even if you’re sure they won’t spark introspection in your life or prove productive to your success, acknowledge and dismiss them.
Not every conversation needs to be a confrontation, especially if their unsolicited advice isn’t malicious or intended to be condescending towards you.
5. ‘I appreciate your concern, but I can handle this’
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According to experts from The Psychology Group in Fort Lauderdale, there are two ways to respond to unsolicited advice: workable and unworkable responses. Workable responses promote healthy boundaries, open communication, and self-respect, while unworkable ones tend to be more passive (like ignoring or accepting hurtful comments).
You can ensure you're not sparking resentful feelings by opting for workable responses, especially in conversations with long-term partners and loved ones. Phrases brilliant people use when someone gives unsolicited advice, like this one, are generally workable — putting people in their place and demanding respect.
6. ‘I’m not making any decisions right now’
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Unsolicited advice is generally considered unpleasant by all age groups, as a study published in the Psychology and Ageing Journal explains, because it’s typically a marker of incompetence in relationships and interactions. Self-aware people can acknowledge a person’s intentions to help with their advice, even when poorly placed, with a phrase like this.
Push off and dismiss, course correct as needed, and ensure people know when you’re upset — especially if it will linger and become resentment.
7. ‘I’ll ask for help if I need it’
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A study published by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships reports that the closer two people are in a relationship, the more likely they are to pass along unsolicited advice to each other — in ways that can sometimes be productive but often are more harmful than good.
By adopting communication tactics like waiting to be asked for advice before giving it or even asking, “Are you looking for support or advice right now?” to your close friends and family, you can ensure you respect any healthy boundaries — even if they haven’t been clearly expressed yet.
8. ‘I didn’t ask for your opinions’
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Of course, there are some situations where unsolicited advice is condescending and inherently malicious, especially from some of the toxic people and relationships in our lives. While responding with a sense of calm and control is generally a trait in most emotionally intelligent people, there’s power in confidently calling out toxicity.
Remind people of the respect you demand in conversations, even if you must step outside your comfort zone to reassert those boundaries. Advocate for yourself and invest in relationships that genuinely support you and help you feel heard.
9. ‘Thanks for sharing what worked for you, but my situation is a bit different’
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Unsolicited advice is generally poorly received because it operates under the assumption that the “advice-giver,” as a study published in Working Papers in Educational Linguistics explains, has some superior knowledge or perspective to bestow on the “advice-seeker,” even when they haven’t asked for it.
This misguided power imbalance tends to spark discomfort, especially among insecure or emotionally unregulated people who can’t differentiate between well-intentioned advice and condescension. By responding with a phrase like this, you can acknowledge the knowledge or advice another person has (sometimes vulnerably) shared without doing so at your own expense.
10. ‘I understand where you’re coming from’
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Empathy goes a long way, especially in the face of unwarranted advice from a close friend, partner, or parent. You don’t have to accept or take another person’s advice, but you can acknowledge it and help them feel heard. Just like we want to feel appreciated in conversation, people giving out this unwarranted advice also do.
Sometimes, their unsolicited advice manifests that desire to feel heard and valued.
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11. ‘Let’s chat about our communication’
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Unsolicited advice is a form of communication, even if it’s sometimes misguided or misunderstood. You can ensure it doesn't spark resentment down the road by addressing hurtful comments in conversation, especially with people you hope to cultivate long-term relationships with.
Open communication isn’t always comfortable, but by addressing comments that feel hurtful or make you feel dismissed, you can set appropriate boundaries, grow, and move forward without unnecessary anxiety.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.