12 Signs You're Doing Better Than You Think You Are
It's can be tough to see just how well you are doing for yourself from up close.
Antonio Diaz from Getty Images via Canva Success takes many forms. Some people believe wealth and influence make them successful, while others find meaning in the relationships they create. Happiness is subjective, and you’re the only one who gets to define what your version of success looks like, but if you're doubting yourself, it may be because you're missing some key signs that you're actually doing better than you think you are.
Measuring your life according to someone else’s progress will only leave you feeling empty. It’s more valuable to look inward for signs you’re doing better than you think you are.
Here are 12 signs you’re doing better than you think you are
1. You question your purpose
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We often see uncertainty as a sign that we’re doing something wrong, but questioning your purpose means you’re doing better than you think you are. Wrestling with our decisions might not be comfortable, but it’s part of what makes us human. When you ask yourself if you’re on the right path, you’re engaging in a practice of self-reflection.
According to Ilene Strauss Cohen Ph.D., turning inward and reflecting on how you want to live allows you to “emerge stronger, wiser, and more grounded.”
“Self-reflection isn't a one-time event,” she explained. “It's a continuous process, a lifelong journey of understanding ourselves and our place in the world.”
Asking yourself big questions shows that you’re open to change, which is the only way to grow.
2. You make time for self-care
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You’re doing better than you think you are if you’re committed to self-care. You make time to make yourself feel good, because you understand the importance of living a well-balanced life. You care for your body with nourishing meals and movement. You care for your mind by taking breaks and letting yourself decompress. You care for your heart by loving yourself, right now, exactly as you are.
Life transition coach Deborah Roth pointed out that self-care is an essential life skill that allows us to show up for ourselves and others. “If we don’t place ourselves at the center of our lives and acquire these skills, we become increasingly scattered, ungrounded, and miserable — and we'll never move forward in life,” she explained.
Self-care is a sacred act that allows you to heal the parts of you that are hurting. It's a way to channel your energy into what matters most: your comfort, well-being, and peace of mind.
3. You have a close friend
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When it comes to friendship, quality matters way more than quantity. If you understand the life-altering power of platonic love, you’re doing better than you think you are. Having a close friend means that you prioritize the strength of your connections over popularity. As relationship coach Jordan Gray pointed out, connection is what gives life meaning.
“These days, we are more connected in a superficial way, but we are lacking in deeper connections,” he explained. “It’s primarily these deeper connections where we get the health and happiness benefits that come from our social ties.”
Having a close friend pushes you to put vulnerability into action. You know how to open up and let people into your life. You know how to share your victories and sorrows. By focusing your energy and attention on friendship, you give yourself a lifelong gift of knowing someone and being known.
4. You set goals
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Setting both short term and long term goals is a sign you’re doing better than you think you are. Goal-setting is a way to show up for yourself in the present moment and prepare yourself for the future you truly want to have.
It’s easy for dreams to get lost in the shuffle of everyday life, which is why it’s so important to map out your plan for the next week, month, and year. Your goals don’t have to involve any massive life changes. They can be small and accessible.
If you want to expand your mind, you can commit to reading one chapter of a book before bed each night. If you want to get in shape, you can walk or stretch or have a one-woman dance party in your living room. Every goal you set brings you closer to being your best self and living in a way that honors your authenticity and individuality.
5. You spend money on small luxuries
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You’re doing better than you think you are if you invest in the little things that spark joy. Sure, you can save money by making coffee at home, but if going to your favorite cafe and ordering a latte makes you happy, you should build it into your budget.
You probably can’t treat yourself every single day, but you can do it every so often, which will make that coffee feel even more special. Living well involves letting yourself actually live. When you give yourself permission to buy that little treat, it shows that you know how worth it you are.
6. You rest when you’re tired
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All too often, we define ourselves by how hard we’re working and how busy we are. But the truth is, we don’t get any gold medals for being stressed out. All we get is even more stress.
Pushing yourself past your limits will set you on a straight path to extreme burnout. Getting enough rest, on the other hand, is a sign you’re doing better than you think you are. By listening to your body, you’re honoring what you need. Resting shows that you take your health seriously. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Committing to rest and relaxation is a sign that you’re committing to being your best self.
7. You ask for help when you need it
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It might sound counterintuitive, but your ability to ask for help is a sign that you’re doing better than you think you are. When you ask for help, you let other people in. Asking for help is a display of vulnerability and trust.
We’re conditioned to think that asking for help makes us seem weak and incapable of taking care of ourselves, but really, there’s no greater show of strength than reaching out to others and saying that you need support.
8. You like being alone
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Spending time alone is a sign you’re doing better than you think you are. You don’t need to distract yourself or seek out external validation, because you’re content with your own company. Learning to be on your own is a key part of knowing yourself on a deeper level.
The most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself. As personal branding expert Matt Sweetwood revealed, “When you learn to love being alone, you’ll find peace, happiness, and greater productivity… and you’ll get to live a big life, a life that you will love.”
9. You feel all your feelings
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It’s a common myth that expressing your emotions means you’re too sensitive, when really, the ability to sit with your feelings is a sign you’re doing better than you think you are. As psychologist Nick Wignall shared, describing your emotions provides “clearer insight into those emotions and how to respond to them in a healthy way.”
“If you’re constantly judging your emotions you won’t have any energy left to understand them,” Wignall explained. “The solution is to learn to observe your emotions and notice them without passing judgment on them.”
By allowing yourself to feel without judging yourself for what you feel, you’re giving yourself an opportunity to engage your self-awareness, move through your emotions, and ultimately, find healing.
10. You recognize your flaws
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If you’ve released the need to be perfect, you’re doing so much better than you think you are. You do more than just admit to your flaws. You understand that being flawed is what makes you human, and that’s what makes you worthy.
In her book “The Gifts of Imperfection,” psychology researcher Brené Brown explained that “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best.”
“Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement, and shame,” Brown stated. “It’s a shield. It’s a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from flight.”
Holding onto the idea of perfection keeps you from being your best self. Learning how to embrace the imperfect parts of yourself is what leads you to true self-acceptance and self-love.
11. You have hobbies
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Having hobbies is a sign that you’re doing better than you think you are. All too often, people see their jobs as their reason for living, when really, it’s what we do outside of work that gives our life the most meaning.
Maybe you’re really into baking, and you’ve committed to making every muffin recipe you can find. Maybe you’re teaching yourself how to crochet, so that you can make matching sweaters for you and your dog. Your hobby might seem weird to everyone else, but it doesn’t matter what they think. All that matters is how your hobby makes you feel.
Having a hobby shows that you’re committed to having fun just for fun’s sake, which shows you understand how essential it is to grab onto happiness wherever you can find it.
12. You know what you don’t want
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A key part of knowing yourself well is knowing what you don’t want in your life. Having a solid grasp of the things you dislike makes it easier to go after what you really want. If you know what you don’t want, you can set boundaries, which can help you to achieve a sense of emotional balance.
As Psychologist Nick Wignall pointed out, “Assertive communication means that you are confident asking for what you want (or don’t want) in a way that’s honest and respectful.”
“Setting healthy boundaries means that you’re willing to let people know what you won’t tolerate,” he explained. “If you want more emotional balance you must be able to communicate your wants and needs assertively and set healthy boundaries.”
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting certain things. Setting boundaries lets you live the life you really want.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.