9 Healthy Habits Of People With Fun Lives And Lots Of Friends
Being social and fun-loving is something people work at.
Ketut Subiyanto | Pexels Social media can emphasize the feeling of being unnoticed, lonely, and left out. When we do manage to psych ourselves up to reach out, join in and engage, it can be draining — emotionally, psychologically, and physically. You can't help but wonder how other people can be so social and still have energy for their own lives.
If this is you, maybe it is nice to know you aren't alone — and there's likely nothing wrong with you. Creating (and enjoying) a thriving social life takes work! It's a skill, like any other, and if it's important to you, it's worth the effort.
Nine habits of people who have fun lives and loads of friends
1. They manage feelings of social vulnerability
How about instead of forcing ourselves to use all our skills and strain our system to go out and meet new people in new places, we start with small, micro-social engagements?
Let's try to harness “the love chemical” to help us better read social cues — which in turn helps us notice and filter social stimuli — a key challenge for those of us who can feel bombarded in social settings.
2. The understand the "science of connection"
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Oxytocin, known as “the love chemical,” is essential for social bonding, as explained in Comprehensive Psychoneuroendocrinology Journal. This critical neuropeptide helps everyone – infants to the elderly – bond with others. It builds trust and connection and raises self-confidence.
When you feel a connection with someone, oxytocin is likely surging in both brains, signaling friendly intentions. This sensation encourages you to reach out – emotionally and possibly physically.
3. They enjoy their little micro-connections
They are small, everyday acts of kindness. Every time you hold the door open or smile at a passing stranger, you are creating a micro-moment of connection. They are mini “love” moments that can raise oxytocin in our brains and in others too.
4. They strive for three micro-connections daily
Dr. Barbara Frederickson’s and Dr. John Gottman’s research demonstrates that three social connections a day not only can help fill our emotional buckets but also help build resilience. They found that a 3-to-1 positivity ratio makes us feel like we belonged.
It also provided a positive impact on resilience and mental health. In Dr. Ed Hallowell’s book, he shares real stories that demonstrate the life-changing health benefits associated with the connection.
5. They seek meaningful interactions
Actively search for three meaningful interactions each day and reflect on them each night. These micro-moments of connection, according to Frederickson’s findings, may not only make you healthier, but they can also make you live longer.
6. They set themselves up for success
What are some things you could do every day for unsuspecting neighbors? Can you carry in groceries, ask about their day, or give them a plant? Small micro-connections like these don’t require much time, money, or effort. Look for ways to spread kindness every day.
7. They build three micro-connections on the path to new relationships
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If your goal is to not only increase oxytocin but also to make new friendships, take a more active role with these three micro-connections. Consider these steps as building blocks to move you in the direction of deeper and more meaningful connections.
"Most socially connected people recognize that maintaining relationships requires a bit of effort, and one of the efforts they prioritize is seeing other people in person," explained personal development coach Kira Asatryan. "While in-person interactions can feel much less efficient than online or phone interactions, there’s a value to in-person communication that socially successful people understand. It’s how you start seeing people as just that — people!"
If you take each step at a time — waving, saying “Hello,” making chit-chat, inquiring about their day, etc. — it will make the act of reaching out feel a little less daunting. Is this a full replacement for the hard work we’re all doing socially? No, but these steps help you build confidence.
8. The focus on creating joy, not stress
You shouldn’t need to spend a lot of time prepping to connect. The goal is to simply experience the joy of interaction.
9. They keep track of how they feel when around certain people
Keep track of how these connections (and oxytocin hits) make you feel. Frederickson’s work uncovered that when we record these experiences, it triggers positive physiological effects on the body.
- Are you more positive toward your partner or job?
- Do you have deeper feelings of well-being and self-worth?
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- Do you feel even better when you add more connections daily?
While noticing feelings is crucial, educator Anna Thea advised to beware of disempowering yourself, "In emotional situations, do you say to yourself, 'I shouldn’t feel that way,' or, 'It’s no big deal'? You're denying your feelings and disempowering yourself. It’s actually through feeling your feelings and understanding what’s underneath them that will free you from the overwhelm. It’s not about trying not to feel. Instead, it’s about learning how to get better at feeling!"
Until you experience the effects yourself, you will have to trust me when I say three micro-connections a day will prime your emotional intelligence pump. So drink in the needed oxytocin while you calm your fears, build confidence, venture out and approach new people and nurture deeper and stronger relationships.
Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, M.Ed. is a personal coach who works with children with ADHD and the families who support them.