11 Phrases Truly Phony People Say Often, According To Psychology
Recognize the subtle language tricks that fake people use to manipulate and control conversations.
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock We let people into our lives believing we can trust them. Genuine connection comes from vulnerability. Letting another person in is nearly impossible without a solid baseline of trust, and trust requires sincerity. An insincere person can only connect on the surface level. They might try to win you over by telling you what you want to hear, but you can never fully know if they mean what they say.
The phrases truly phony people say often are a window into their inner landscape. It's not always easy to know when someone is sincere since we deeply need to believe that the people who love us are authentic. Those psychological blindspots can shield us from someone's true nature. The phrases phony people say often hold subtle hints that reveal if your relationship is based on a truthful place.
Here are 11 phrases truly phony people say often:
1.'No offense, but'
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock
Phony people often use "no offense, but" as a soft approach to delivering hurtful comments, masking criticism with false politeness. An offensive statement usually follows.
This phrase is designed as a low-key way to hurt someone. If you feel offended by the next part of their sentence, that's on you– After all, they told you not to get offended. When a phony uses this phrase, they signal the gap between their intentions and actual words. It's a disingenuous attempt to soften the blow of criticism coming your way.
According to Boldside Consulting, a leadership development firm, there's a big difference between criticism and feedback. When someone offers you feedback, they're building you up. When someone criticizes you, they're tearing you down.
Boldside Consulting shared that constructive feedback is "fact-based and future-focused…. Even when it’s hard to hear, [it] is a gift to the receiver."
Gentle feedback points out where you could improve, but criticism is designed to make you feel bad about yourself. When someone criticizes you, they focus on your worth as a person. Feedback focuses on the problem to be solved. It's a dialogue, as opposed to the monologue of harsh judgments that come after a genuinely phony person says, "No offense."
2.'I'm just being honest.'
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock
When phony people say, "I'm just being honest," they often use it as a shield to mask harsh judgment or insult under the guise of sincerity. This phrase operates like armor, protecting the person who said it. It's a fake attempt at sincerity, something phony people say right before they insult you.
They claim honesty as a defensive tactic, shielding themselves from any pushback they'll receive for being unnecessarily harsh and hurtful. This phrase allows phony people to deliver what they see as "truth," just a judgment call on your character.
When truly phony people say this phrase, they're misusing and weaponizing the idea of honesty for their benefit. Their actions invert the meaning of honesty: By saying they're being honest, they're letting you know how disingenuous they are.
As an article from Psychology Today pointed out, "dishonest relationships exploit rather than enhance the other person." When someone close to you is willing to drag you down repeatedly, it shows that they're only pretending to care.
3.'Trust me, I never lie'
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock
The phrase "Trust me, I never lie" is a red flag, as it often signals someone trying to manipulate and gain your trust through deceit. Hearing this phrase should raise alarm bells in your brain because the person saying it is probably lying.
They overemphasize how honest they are so that you'll put your guard down and tell them things you keep close to your chest. Phony people say this to manipulate you. The phrase is deceitful at its core, designed to convince you that a fake person is being sincere.
By speaking in such absolute terms, truly phony people are hiding who they are. They insist they’re honest without any proof to back it up. Genuine trust is built on more than just saying you’re trustworthy; it comes from aligning those words with actions.
4.'I hate drama.'
Ekateryna Zubal | Shutterstock
Those who claim, "I hate drama," but constantly stir up conflict are likely hiding their true nature. They thrive on the chaos they pretend to avoid.
There's a notable difference between people who genuinely dislike drama and those who consistently tell you how much they hate it. The people who don't want drama take steps to keep their lives calm, while phony people who say they hate drama embrace the turmoil it brings.
More than just welcoming it, they actively stir the pot: They spread gossip and spill secrets told to them in confidence. If you find yourself inundated with unnecessary drama, the best approach is just to let it slide.
As transformational leader Christy Whitman explained, "When drama comes into contact with neutrality, it loses all momentum."
She shared that the most definitive route for "sidestepping drama is to no longer push against it in resistance." This means releasing any expectation that a phony person will change their ways and staying centered in your own life.
"Trying to control the behavior of anyone other than yourself is a losing battle every time," Whitman revealed. "Do your best to release your own emotionally charged thoughts and judgments. Give up your perspective about what others should do."
"If you want peace, bring it everywhere you go," she concluded.
5.'I don't usually say this, but'
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock
This qualifier is a deceptive way for phony people to soften the blow of their hurtful comments while signaling dishonesty beneath the surface.
Another phrase truly phony people say often is "I don't usually say this, but" before making a statement with underlying cruelty. By using this phrase, they're telling on themselves: In fact, they do say things like this often.
According to linguistic experts, phrases like this are called "performatives" or "qualifiers." They're relatively harmless on their own, but if they're the first part of a more prolonged thought, they lift the veil on the speaker's dishonesty.
As James W. Pennebaker, the psychology department chair at the University of Texas at Austin, told the Wall Street Journal, "Politeness is another word for deception. The point is to formalize social relations so you don't have to reveal your true self."
The phrase "I don't usually say this" is a fakeout. It presents a facade of sincerity, yet the phony person's deception hides beneath the words.
6.'I'm always right'
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock
When someone insists, "I'm always right," they lack intellectual humility and refuse to consider differing perspectives.
A phrase genuinely phony people say often is, "I'm always right." This phrase is a great way to let others know how highly someone thinks of themselves and how narrow-minded they are. People who think they're always right cannot hear opposing beliefs. They interpret alternate perspectives as an attack on their intelligence instead of seeing them for what they are. When phony people say they're always right, they instantly reveal their lack of intellectual humility.
According to professors from the Humanities Institute at the University of Connecticut, intellectual humility can be described as the act "of owning one's cognitive limitations." Having intellectual humility means admitting how much you don't know. It involves "a healthy recognition of one's intellectual debts to others and low concern for intellectual domination."
Ultimately, intellectually humble people have a strong sense of their fallibility. They know it's impossible to know everything and accept that their knowledge base could be flawed due to their experiences and biases.
Intellectual humility allows people to share their inner world and have meaningful conversations. Without it, any hope for honest discourse disappears.
7.'I'm not like everyone else'
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock
Phony people often use this phrase to manipulate you into thinking they're special when, in reality, it's a tactic to gain trust for self-serving reasons.
This slippery phrase has been said countless times, emerging from the mouths of phony people worldwide. They say this phrase to make you feel special, as though they saw you across a crowded room and instantly felt a connection. They want you to think that they're special– So special that any harm they cause you is worth the pain.
This phrase is meant to evoke trust, but it's a clear message to walk the other way, fast. While it's easy to doubt your intuition, this phrase is a glaring sign that the person you're talking to isn't authentic.
8.'I didn't mean to hurt you.'
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock
Phony people who say, "I didn't mean to hurt you," often avoid accountability, turning their actions into emotional problems. This is a phrase truly phony people frequently use.
While this phrase implies someone is about to say sorry, in reality, those crucial words aren't coming anytime soon. This phrase functions as a buffer to manage your expectations without taking actual accountability. Phony people who say this phrase believe their intentions outweigh their actions: They didn't mean to hurt you, so you shouldn't be so hurt. It shifts the blame onto the person who was caused harm, as the phony person sidesteps any responsibility for what they've done.
When phony people say, "I didn't mean to hurt you," they let their true inauthentic selves shine through. They're not offering an actual apology because they're more concerned with the optics of being forgiven than the fact that they hurt someone else. This phrase is a clear example of performative kindness. It's a hollow way for phony people to pretend they're empathic when they don't care.
9.'Don't take everything so personally.'
Ekaterina Byuksel | Shutterstock
By saying, "Don't take everything so personally," phony individuals attempt to dismiss your valid feelings while deflecting responsibility for their hurtful words. They make this sweeping statement to minimize your feelings; a profoundly personal dig usually preempts it.
It's yet another way for truly phony people to sidestep accountability by blaming you for your emotional reaction rather than admit that what they said was hurtful.
When truly phony people demand that you stop taking things personally, they try to control your feelings while minimizing their validity. They flip the narrative, turning their harmful behavior into your problem to solve, not the other way around. They've hurt your self-esteem but want you to believe it's your fault. The phrase "don't take everything so personally" is an insensitive way to tell someone not to be so sensitive.
10.'I didn't say that.'
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock
"I didn't say that" is a classic gaslighting tactic that distorts reality and makes you question your perception of events. It's a classic form of gaslighting, making you question reality by rewriting what happened.
Phony people use this phrase to deny things they've said in the past. It's a way for them to distort the truth while sewing the seeds of self-doubt.
Therapist Joanne Brothwell described gaslighting as "a form of psychological manipulation that sows seeds of doubt in an individual, causing them to question their memory, perception, and sanity."
"What a gas lighter says may be completely different from what they are thinking or the facts of the situation, so it can be hard to know for sure when gas lighting happens," she explained.
Several psychologists believe that dishonesty comes in different shades. If truthfulness exists on a spectrum, a phrase like "I didn't say that" falls on the side, representing a complete reality distortion.
11.'Just to play devil's advocate'
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock
Phony people often use the phrase "just to play devil's advocate" to express a contrarian opinion while masking their close-mindedness. They see this phrase as a neutral statement when using it as a form of foreshadowing. It lets everyone know that whatever they say next will be pointedly contrarian or an active denial of someone's experience.
Truly phony people couch their close-mindedness within this phrase. They frame their beliefs as though they're taking an intellectual approach to open discourse when they want to provoke or undermine the person they're talking to. When phony people say the phrase "Just to play devil's advocate," they're basically spotlighting their inability to hear other people's truths.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.