13 Passive-Aggressive Behaviors Manipulative People Do For A Big Reaction
This type of behavior hurts all of your relationships.
Faruk Tokluoğlu | Pexels When passive-aggressive people get upset, they let it out in ways that may not be obvious to others. They often appear to be going with the flow — they may even insist that nothing is wrong — but will procrastinate, sulk, or give off other subtle signs that they're secretly resentful.
According to the Mayo Clinic, passive-aggressive behavior is defined as "a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them."
Passive-aggressive behavior can be seriously damaging to relationships, so it's important to identify when you, or someone you know, engages in such behaviors.
13 things passive-aggressive people do to get a reaction from you
1. Avoidance
Passive aggressive people will repeatedly avoid certain people as a way to express their dislike for them.
2. Showing up late
They’ll consistently show up late for events or fail to show up completely, even though they said they’d come. This is a way for them to passively prove a point.
3. Gossiping
Ekateryna Zubal | Shutterstock
They’ll take part in negative gossip about people they say they love or admire.
4. Harsh humor or sarcasm
Their joking consists of sarcasm that can be extremely hurtful. They often make hostile comments but say they were just kidding.
5. Self-isolating
A passive-aggressive person will sometimes "go missing." They’re really just cutting people off to make a point or in hopes that they’ll be missed.
6. Giving the silent treatment
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
To make a point, they’ll stop talking to those who have "wronged" them. They might stop answering your calls, ignore you at a party, or completely change their number.
7. Making a ton of excuses
Passive aggressive behavior usually includes lots of excuses. They’ll give excuses for being late, not showing up, ignoring your calls, or acting rude.
8. Blatantly lying
A passive-aggressive person will lie to your face instead of just saying “no” or telling you the truth.
9. Chronic procrastinating
If they don’t want to do something they agreed to, they’ll procrastinate rather than admit the truth.
10. Unreasonable blaming of others
fizkes | Shutterstock
All of their problems are someone else’s fault. They don’t fess up to their own issues.
11. Purposely undermining the work of others
To passively make themselves feel better and others feel worse.
12. Acting like a victim
Passive aggressive people act like the world is out to get them. Bad things keep happening to them and everything is out of their control.
13. Being rigid about compromising
Passive-aggressive people like things their way but they don’t want to come out and say it. Instead, when it’s time to compromise, they’ll passively act dissatisfied or rigid about the situation.
Now that you understand what passive-aggressive behaviors are, you may have realized that you fit the bill.
If so, here are 11 ways to stop behaving passive-aggressively so you can build better relationships:
1. Work on your self-awareness
Now that you know what passive-aggressive behaviors are, keep tabs on yourself and make sure you aren’t acting this way.
2. Determine if you’re acting directly or indirectly
Are you handling problems and emotions head-on? If not, make some changes.
3. Recognize your own passive aggression
And make a point to change those behaviors immediately.
4. Identify when the behavior is most likely to occur
Does it happen around certain people? In certain situations? Try distancing yourself from those who make you angry or make you feel that you have to stifle your emotions.
5. Keep your anger under control
Meeko Media | Shutterstock
The American Psychological Association recommends managing your anger by utilizing simple relaxation tools like deep breathing, calming affirmations, visualization, and slow, non-strenuous exercise.
6. Express your true feelings
Be open about how you really feel. If you don’t want to do something, just say so. This way, you won’t keep bottling up your feelings.
7. Don’t play the blame game
Evaluate what’s going on in your life and how your own decisions played a role. What could you have done to change your situation?
8. Own your feelings
Don’t pretend to be happy to appease others. If your roommate made you angry, just tell them (don’t hide the toilet paper or whatever other passive nonsense you thought up.)
9. Talk about your feelings
Tell the people in your life how you feel, whether good or bad. This will stop you from bottling it all up and harboring resentment. If they care about you, they’ll listen to what you have to say without judgment.
10. Stop procrastinating
Get yourself on a schedule and do what you say you’re going to do.
11. Roleplay
If you’re serious about squashing your passive-aggressive behaviors, ask a friend to help you role-play. Act out situations that would usually prompt passive behavior and practice acting more actively.
Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford is a psychologist who focuses on relationships, dating, and personality issues, as well as a Certified Relationship Specialist with Diplomate Status and an expert with the American Psychotherapy Association.