10 Phrases Highly Sensitive People Say When They Are Offended
Highly Sensitive People won't hesitate to let you know how they feel.
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock In 1997, psychologist Elaine Aron introduced the Highly Sensitive Person Scale, which has been used to measure a trait called sensory-processing sensitivity. Aron categorized people with high sensory-processing sensitivity as Highly Sensitive People, or HSPs. It's estimated that around 15-20% of the population fall under this category.
Highly Sensitive People react strongly to external and internal stimuli, meaning they feel things intensely. They also show increased emotional sensitivity, which can make them easily affected by other people's moods and environments where emotions are heightened. The phrases highly sensitive people say when they are offended capture how deeply they're impacted by emotional topics.
Here are 10 phrases highly sensitive people say when they're offended
1. 'I need time to process this'
fizkes | Shutterstock
Highly Sensitive People tend to be more empathic than others, which means they often absorb what other people are feeling. When Highly Sensitive People feel offended, they need to decompress. They might say they need time alone to let their feelings move through them, which is a healthy approach to being in an emotionally charged situation.
Licensed professional counselor Gina Binder explained that silence, in itself, isn't a bad thing, yet the silent treatment is an emotionally damaging tactic that can destroy relationships. "A moment of silence allows us to honor precious memories or gather our thoughts before speaking," she shared. "But with the silent treatment, something golden becomes punitive and quietly aggressive. Extended silence functions as a relationship weapon."
Part of Binder's approach to stopping the silent treatment in its tracks is for couples to establish "House Rules," which can include quiet time to process their thoughts. When a Highly Sensitive Person feels overwhelmed and offended, they need to find a way to recenter themselves, which often means taking alone time.
2. 'I'd appreciate it if you were more gentle with your words'
Pheelings media | Shutterstock
This phrase is a kind and gentle way of saying, "Don't talk to me like that." It commands respect with a soft tone, and highlights the impact a person's words can have on someone else.
As professor Yvonne K. Fulbright revealed, "Healthy relationships depend on your ability to communicate your thoughts, desires, needs, and issues. The trick is discovering how to express yourself amid the sea of emotions that can quickly submerge your best efforts."
She advised couples to withhold from criticism, and instead, speak to each other with intention. "So much communication involves put-downs and highlighting what somebody is not doing right," she explained, noting that this only results in "a defensive partner and, eventually, the demise of a relationship."
"Instead of being critical, focus on positively reinforcing what your partner is doing right, and offering constructive criticism when it comes to things that could be improved," Fulbright concluded.
High Sensitive People innately know that the way we talk matters, which is why they request people to be gentle with their words.
3. 'I'm feeling very emotional right now'
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
Being emotional is often framed as a bad thing, as though having feelings is a sign of weakness. In reality, sharing your emotions with others is a sign of deep inner strength, and it's the only real way to connect with people.
Psychologist Elaine Aron spoke on the topic of Highly Sensitive People in an interview, explaining, "I define High Sensitivity as a preference to process information deeply." She continued, "Perhaps the most important thing, for me, about High Sensitivity, is that sensitive people appreciate themselves and are appreciated by others."
While the rest of the world might discount Highly Sensitive People for who they are, HSPs know that being open about their feelings is the most authentic way to live, which is why they're not scared to express when they feel emotional.
4. 'I feel dismissed'
fizkes | Shutterstock
Highly Sensitive People say, "I feel dismissed," when they feel like the person they're talking to is diminishing their feelings, which is essentially like telling them that their experience doesn't matter. Dismissing someone's feelings creates a sense of disconnection, while offering emotional validation makes people feel seen, heard, and held.
Psychologist Guy Winch noted that during conflict with someone, "the most productive thing we can do is to validate their feelings because doing so will make them far more receptive to our side of things." He continued, "We typically respond with defensiveness, justifications, and counterattacks in such situations."
Winch pointed out that the first part of emotional validation is to listen and then ask questions. "In order to validate someone's feelings we first have to gain a clear understanding of what their feelings are by giving them the space and time to express themselves, and by giving ourselves the space and time to understand their emotional experience by asking for clarifications and elaborations," Winch shared.
Emotional validation is the balm for someone feeling dismissed, which is why it's such a crucial relationship skill, and something Highly Sensitive People need.
5. 'I'd like to approach this conversation in a different way'
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock
Highly Sensitive People say this phrase as a way to cut the tension and refocus the discussion on the issues at hand, not past mistakes or long-held grudges. HSPs say this phrase as a way to set intentions for the direction of the conversation they're taking part in. They prioritize honesty and clarity, two elements that can make any relationship stronger.
As dating coach Lisa Lieberman-Wang shared, "Once you truly understand what it means to be honest, you can start using honesty to make your relationship better." She noted that being fully honest with each other provides a stronger foundation and sense of security, which then allows both people in a couple to work toward their dream and grow together.
She explained that with true honesty, "You will be more ready and willing to hear the truth which will allow you to truly know each other. Getting to know the person you love and knowing that they're not hiding anything from you allows for a more intimate relationship."
When a Highly Sensitive Person says, "I'd like to approach this conversation in a different way," they're not trying to be controlling or rude. They're just being honest and laying the groundwork for more direct communication.
6. 'I'm feeling overwhelmed'
Chay_Tee | Shutterstock
This is a phrase HSPs use fairly often, since being overwhelmed is a common experience for them. They might feel overwhelmed in crowded places, as they're surrounded by bright lights and echoing noise and other people's energy. Yet they can also be overwhelmed by the emotional gravity of a conversation, which is why they'll let you know how they feel when they are offended.
Learning how to emotionally regulate themselves is a skill that can help Highly Sensitive People feel grounded. They can practice breathwork, go for a walk, or take in the sunshine. They can also emotionally regulate themselves by acknowledging how they feel, either in a journal or to someone else, which is why saying, "I'm feeling overwhelmed" is such a powerful statement.
7. 'That was a lot for me to take in'
LightField Studios | Shutterstock
This phrase is a way of letting the other person know that whatever they said wasn't particularly well-received. As psychologist Dr. Barbara Winter noted, "with Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), we look at 'moments,' and connection happens in moments. Disconnection happens in moments of rupture. We may have many moments, many times but it is within a moment that we have a break and we can have a repair."
Saying, "That was a lot to take in" highlights how a moment of rupture can be repaired, closing the gap to bring two people together.
8. 'I don't feel comfortable with how you expressed that'
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
This phrase is basically the well-mannered version of asking, "What did you just say to me?" It's a way of respectfully declaring that what was said was offensive. The phrase is an example of using an "I" statement to express your feelings, instead of casting blame on the other person for how you feel.
By letting someone know that they are uncomfortable with what's being said, Highly Sensitive People open the door to a constructive conversation about how to communicate effectively and care for each other, even when tensions are running high. People can't be mind-readers, which is why it's important to let them know when you're uncomfortable with something they said.
9. 'I feel judged by what you said'
Simona Pilolla 2 | Shutterstock
Feeling judged by others is an affront to our common humanity. We can't see each other's perspective or understand differing points of view if we're being judgmental. Everyone approaches life in different ways, and as long as we're not actively harming others, it's safe to conclude that we're all doing the best we can with the tools we have.
Letting someone know you feel judged is a brave act of self-advocacy, which is why Highly Sensitive People should feel proud when they say this phrase.
10. 'I feel like my feelings aren't being considered'
bbernard | Shutterstock
While no one is responsible for managing anyone else's emotions, it's important to be considerate of other people's feelings. Considering people's feelings involves thinking about the emotional impact of what you're going to say, instead of just blurting out whatever is on your mind.
Even when a statement is honest or well-meaning, it can still cause harm. When Highly Sensitive People are offended, they won't hesitate to let you know, which means sharing when they feel discarded.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.