People Who Get Everything They Want In Life Have Mastered These 10 Communication Techniques, According To A Trial Attorney
It's all about projecting confidence.
Jacob Lund | Shutterstock To achieve everything you desire in life, all it takes is making a few simple changes in how you communicate. According to trial lawyer and communication expert Jefferson Fisher, it is all about the confidence we project when we communicate.
Communication isn’t just about words; it's about how those words are delivered, how we carry ourselves, and how we make others feel when we speak. It has the power to transform your relationships, career, and personal growth. Getting exactly what you want is not about waiting for good luck to fall into your lap. It's about presenting yourself in a way that draws opportunities to you. Fisher said there are ten communication techniques that will grant you these opportunities.
People who get everything they want in life have mastered these 10 communication techniques, according to a trial attorney:
1. They pause and breathe when asked questions
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For those of you who do not have time to sit through Fisher’s two-and-a-half-hour-long appearance on “The Diary of a CEO” podcast, TikTok user Bella Dane has you covered! She watched the entire podcast and broke down some of Fisher’s communication techniques that will help you get everything you want in life.
One of these techniques is taking a moment to pause and breathe during conversations. For example, if someone asks you how your day was, instead of immediately answering, “It was great!” take a moment to really think about how your day was.
Maybe it wasn’t all that great, and maybe you need to pause for a moment to reflect on it. You may even want to pause and ask them how their day was. This conveys that you’re really listening to what’s being asked of you.
“Train yourself to communicate in this space of pausing and really listening instead of going on autopilot,” Bella said.
2. They avoid filler words
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Filler words are words like “Um” and “Like,” and people often slip them into conversations to help fill pauses in speech. These pauses can occur when the speaker is thinking of the next word or idea to say, wanting to avoid awkward silences.
However, frequently using filler words can be a sign of low self-esteem or uncertainty in oneself. This perception arises from the fact that filler words disrupt the flow of speech, making it seem like the speaker is unsure or unprepared.
“When you force yourself to use your assertive voice and take out all those filler, nervous words, then you're gonna gain confidence,” Bella said.
3. They listen more than they speak
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According to Fisher, insecurity is loud, and confidence is quiet. People who are sure of themselves spend more time listening in conversations than they do speaking.
Listening demonstrates respect, attentiveness, and a willingness to engage with others, which can be seen as a sign of strength and self-assuredness. “People that are the least connected are the ones that feel like they always have to put their two cents in,” Bella said.
When you take the time to sit back and listen, you may learn more about yourself and others, which will only make your communication skills better. Like speaking, listening is an integral part of communicating.
4. They are always concise
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The more concise you are, the better. Concise communication ensures that your message is clear and to the point, making your audience less likely to zone out.
“This is a trait of super successful people,” Bella said. “They're not sending super formalized, wordy, laboriously written emails. They’re short and to the point.”
Being able to express your thoughts clearly and concisely conveys confidence and respect for the people you are talking to.
5. They know how to resolve conflict
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If you're ever in a disagreement with someone, Fisher always recommends approaching the situation from a place of trying to connect with them instead of trying to prove your point.
When it comes to others' personal opinions, our goal should never be to change their minds. Our goal should be to acknowledge our differences and respect them.
“Some of the best things you can say to someone are things like, ‘You can absolutely disagree with me,’ and ‘I am not trying to change your mind,’” Bella said. You are far more likely to have a constructive conversation with someone when you are not determined to be combative with them.
6. They know how to handle disrespect
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If someone is ever being blatantly disrespectful to you, Fisher recommended taking a few moments of silence before asking them to repeat what they just said.
When most people take the time to reflect, they realize that their behavior was out of line, and they apologize.
This way of handling disrespect is much more effective than getting angry and defensive, where the other person is likely to mimic your tone, and the discussion can take a hostile turn rather than a productive one.
7. They establish themselves as truth tellers
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People value honesty, particularly when you're willing to admit when you're wrong. “The best thing you can do is admit your fault and say, ‘I could have done better,’” Bella said.
Being honest strengthens communication since it fosters trust and builds a deeper understanding with those around you. Always telling the truth reflects your integrity, which many people feel drawn to. When you truly know who you are at heart, it’s easier for others to trust you, which encourages them to share their own authenticity in return.
8. They avoid small talk
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The best conversationalists always avoid engaging in small talk that will only elicit one-word responses. They know that they really cannot learn much about other people or themselves if they only ask questions like, “How are you doing?” or “What’s your favorite color?”
“Be intentional. Go into conversations intending to get to really know them and their story,” Bella suggested.
One way to avoid small talk is by engaging in topics that can spark a deep discussion, such as your desired life goals and ambitions.
For example, if someone says to you, “I’ve been thinking a lot about where I want to be in five years. I’d love to start my own business, but I’m not sure if I’m ready,” you might respond with, “That’s exciting! What kind of business are you thinking of? I can imagine the challenges, but it sounds like you have the passion for it. What’s holding you back?”
This provides a great jumping point to get into a detailed conversation about goals and provides you with the opportunity to get to know someone on a deeper level while sharing your own ambitions.
9. They get rid of ‘adverb fluff’
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Similar to filler words, adverb fluff consists of words like “literally,” “basically,” and any other words we may mindlessly throw into conversation without context.
Confident communicators know that their words carry weight and aim to convey their message as clearly as possible. Therefore, they may eliminate any adverb fluff from their vocabulary.
By doing this, they make their point more straightforward, ensuring that the listener gets the message without extra noise.
10. They never use the word ‘maybe’
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Many of us use “maybe” to answer questions we already know the answer to. For example, if someone asks us to dinner on a night we are swamped with work, we tell them “maybe” to avoid hurting their feelings and to keep the possibility open. However, deep down, we already know the genuine answer.
Confident communicators get what they want by making their intentions clear from the beginning, even if it may not be the answer people may want to hear.
“It [saying ‘maybe’] takes up so much more of your mental energy than just saying ‘Yes’ or ‘No,’” Bella said. “When you say something, that thing is gonna live in your head rent-free for days. Learn to say no to things without lying.”
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
