The Most Popular People In Any Room Have These 8 Skills Mastered, According To Research
The secrets of those people we all love to be around.
Ridofranz | Canva When we were young and in school, being popular felt like everything. But the 'popular kids' were often not necessarily the nicest people. But true popularity — being a person most people can't help but like — is based on traits almost anyone can adopt, and can be used in wonderful ways.
So, why are we so drawn to 'popular' people? Well-liked (or 'popular') people feel safe to us. We feel relief (and elation) when we're around someone whose respectful smile or curiosity makes us feel safe to relax, explore, and play. According to researcher Jaak Panskepp, we get a dopamine hit when we feel well-liked, which generates an enhanced sense of self-esteem.
The good news? You can work toward becoming one of those people whom others feel good around.
Eight psychological skills of peopular people, according to research
1. They don't gossip about other people.
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High drama doesn’t leave room for sharing real emotions. Popular people don't associate with people who feel victimized, talk trash about other people, or enjoy unnecessary drama. You like them because they won't tear you down behind your back.
Research from the University of Virginia found that the most close-knit friendship groups actually gossip less than other friend groups, supporting the idea that it's hard to grow trust when negative gossip is being shared.
2. They're realistic about life and take failure and adversity in stride.
The ability (and resilience) to risk failure is essential to living a dynamic life. We're drawn to people with courage because they share their successes and when they mess up, they take responsibility for their role and move on making it safe for us to do the same.
3. They accept and give compliments easily.
They're good at making others feel appreciated. And who doesn't like to hear an authentic compliment?
Likewise, when you thank or compliment a 'popular' person, they say 'thank you' and accept the praise graciously. It is important to let people know how well they support you.
Research done by Dr. Adam Grant and Dr. Francesca Gino showed that "gratitude expressions can enhance prosocial behavior through both agentic and communal mechanisms, such that when helpers are thanked for their efforts, they experience stronger feelings of self-efficacy and social worth, which motivate them to engage in prosocial behavior."
In other words, people feel happy and motivated when they are thanked and complimented for their efforts.
4. They have a great sense of humor.
Wit and humor invite us to make love, friendship, and positivity more important than the world's slings and arrows. Shared laughter heals and bonds people; it is a powerful stress reliever. Mutual laughter implies that we see the world in the same way.
A study out of UNC at Chapel Hill showed that shared laughter is a great indicator of relationship well-being, which leads us to believe that a good sense of humor would make people more popular!
5. They handle negativity with grace.
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"Haters are gonna hate," as they say. 'Popular' people understand that you can't please everyone. They stay true to themselves and do their best to shrug off other people's negative attitudes or behaviors. They'll quickly distance themselves from a toxic person but won't take that person's behavior personally.
6. They also look people in the eye and let themselves be seen.
Well-liked people are authentic. They don't hide who they are or how they feel. When we don’t know how someone is feeling, it's hard to trust them. That's why spending time around someone open and genuine is so appealing.
In addition, multiple studies have shown that people who make great eye-contact that feels natural are deemed more trustworthy.
7. They're friendly.
For others to truly like you, you must like them. Popular people exude body language that communicates openness and friendliness. They don't come across as closed off, distant, or judgmental. A respectful, open stance is the most potent trait well-liked people possess.
8. They're confident in their ability to handle new situations.
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Change and unfamiliar circumstances can freak the best of us out. But isn't it more refreshing to enter a new situation with someone 'up for the challenge' who is more curious about the possibilities than terrified of the unknown? 'Popular' people are open to change, curious about others, and genuinely interested in exploring life.
So, take a lesson from the 'popular' crowd and spend more time playing and less time judging. Get curious about your surroundings. Look for possibilities in change and new situations (not just disaster). And stop worrying so much about what other people think of you. It will never help you in life to know what rude people are thinking and feeling. Focusing on them only makes you miserable.
Flexible responses allow more fun, interesting interactions to enter your life. So, open up. Nurture your playful side. Get some of that good dopamine floating around inside you. I promise people will notice the difference!