11 Common Behaviors That Make Good People Look Weak
These everyday mistakes are holding you back.
CarlosBarquero | Shutterstock.com Weakness often arises from social interactions and unbalanced relationships, marked by a person’s inability to advocate for themselves or maintain confidence against narcissism and toxic behaviors. Despite many operating with confidence and self-awareness, certain behaviors can make good people appear weak, leaving them vulnerable to manipulation and dismissal.
While society often mislabels traits such as introversion or extreme kindness as weakness, true weakness usually originates from internal insecurities that hinder social interactions and relationships. These individuals may experience emotional instability, difficulties with social skills, and a tendency to let others dominate them. Although they aren’t always passive, they face times when they are sidelined in their own lives.
Here are 11 common behaviors that make good people look weak:
1.Over-apologizing signals insecurity and prioritizes people-pleasing over confidence.
Fizkes | Shutterstock.com
Over-apologizing can lead to perceptions of insecurity and reduced confidence, suggesting you value pleasing others more than asserting yourself. Mindset coach Shadé Zahrai notes that frequent apologies, particularly in professional settings, can give off the impression that you're insecure, weak, and incompetent.
Of course, taking accountability for hurtful comments or mistakes is important, but consistently apologizing when you’re not in the wrong only paints you as a people-pleaser — someone who’s more concerned with keeping the peace than advocating for themselves.
Instead of succumbing to awkward silence or a tense conflict with an unnecessary apology, find ways to communicate your opinions and re-assert your boundaries openly. Even if it’s initially uncomfortable to break the habit of over-apologizing, other people will see you as more confident for standing your ground and advocating for your needs.
2.Rejecting compliments reflects self-doubt and low self-worth.
Dragana Gordic | Shutterstock.com
Rejecting compliments or praise reflects insecurity and prevents you from fully embracing your value, making you seem unsure of yourself. Many people who are uncomfortable responding to compliments are perceived as weak and struggle to set their own insecurities aside to accept praise. For individuals with low self-esteem, praise, and compliments — even from close friends and loved ones — can often be uncomfortable because they invalidate the harsh internal criticism that fuels their insecurity.
Not only is this duality between outward praise and inward insecurity disillusioning for weak people battling their self-esteem, but it can also spark feelings of guilt and resentment in otherwise healthy relationships.
3.Focusing on what’s missing fosters dissatisfaction and negativity.
Perfect Wave | Shutterstock.com
Concentrating on what is lacking in your life instead of cultivating gratitude increases dissatisfaction and diminishes your self-assuredness. Confident individuals typically embrace a “growth mindset,' seeking to challenge themselves and appreciate what they possess rather than focusing on what is absent.
Conversely, one behavior that often undermines the strength of good people is holding the opposite viewpoint. Instead of expressing gratitude, which cultivates healthier, more fulfilling relationships and helps them accept themselves in the present moment, they focus on what they don’t have — whether it be something about their physical appearance, societal expectations, money, or relationships.
People often overlook the joy and fulfillment in their lives by focusing on what’s missing, leading to negativity that permeates all aspects of life. Expressing gratitude for small things and affirming your identity helps counter this, allowing you to paint a confident self-portrait.
4.Avoiding eye contact makes you seem untrustworthy or unsure.
Gorynvd | Shutterstock.com
Avoiding eye contact can make you appear untrustworthy or incompetent, even if you are nervous or introverted. This behavior often leads others to view you as less educated and competent than those who maintain eye contact, as a study from the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin states.
While it might be uncomfortable to prioritize in conversations for the first time, being able to hold someone’s gaze contributes to more positive perceptions of your confidence and connections.
Even if you’re the one to force a break in eye contact or maintain it for more than 50% of the conversation, as experts from Michigan State University argue, you’ll take on a more confident demeanor than those who don’t prioritize it in their interactions.
5.Talking too quickly can signal anxiety and lack of control.
GaudiLab | Shutterstock.com
Speaking quickly can seem anxious and diminish perceived confidence. Even as an introvert or in stressful conversations, staying calm helps others see you as confident instead of weak.
While it might seem like an intuitive shift, many people who speak faster in conversations are less intentional about what they’re saying — creating a disconnect that allows them to be taken advantage of by more dominant and confident people in conversation.
An Evolution and Human Behavior journal study argues that people who lower their voices in conversations, especially men with an innately lower octave, are perceived as more confident, dominant, and competent than others. Communications expert Nick Morgan suggests people can become more confident in conversations by reducing their voices and speaking slower.
6.Ignoring boundaries lets others disrespect you and weakens your image.
Fizkes | Shutterstock.com
Neglecting to re-establish boundaries invites disrespect, reinforces weakness, and undermines self-worth. Many find peace in setting boundaries and clarifying expectations to boost confidence. Yet, failing to reaffirm these boundaries often makes good people appear weak as their vulnerability is misused.
By letting people walk all over them, rather than sticking up for themselves and advocating for their needs, good people craft a weaker image of themselves in the face of narcissism — urging toxic people to continue returning to them for their own needs and validation without anything in return.
7.Seeking external validation shows insecurity and dependence on others.
TetianaKtv | Shutterstock.com
Constantly seeking external validation erodes self-confidence and fosters reliance on others for worth. This behavior, common even among good-natured individuals, leads to disappointment, shame, and comparison, ultimately isolating those with low self-esteem.
From interrupting other people to painting a misleading self-image to fishing for compliments in a “social game,” as psychology expert Joachim I. Krueger explains, people who tend to be insecure look at connections and relationships as a means to support their self-worth. When they aren’t getting positive attention from others or being praised for their accomplishment, they lash out — fueling their inner critique and sabotaging their healthy relationships.
While this need for finding security in other people, rather than in themselves, is a typical behavior that makes good people look weak, it’s also a part of our human nature in some ways. Finding a balance between self-confidence, self-care, and external praise ensures we’re caring for our emotional well-being while cultivating empowering relationships.
8.Dressing poorly for occasions sabotages first impressions.
stockfour | Shutterstock.com
Clothing contributes to creating a strong first impression in social contexts, working alongside eye contact, nonverbal signals, and a confident demeanor. Wearing unsuitable attire for events can undermine initial perceptions, hindering others from seeing you as composed or competent.
When we appear confident and stylish, others view us as more powerful and competent in social settings, even if we feel internally insecure or anxious. Good people who don’t dress appropriately for an occasion, whether a first date or a work conference, often sabotage their first impressions before they even have a chance to speak.
Figure out what makes you feel good and plan your outfits ahead of time. Investing in yourself means practicing self-advocacy and emotional regulation and ensuring you’re confident in your appearance and impression on others.
9.Self-sabotaging relationships reveals emotional instability.
Ground Picture | Shutterstock.com
Allowing insecurities to influence your behavior in relationships can unintentionally damage connections and create an impression of emotional instability. According to Harvard psychologist Dr. Cortney Warren, engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors can make even the best individuals appear less confident in social settings, leading to a cycle of insecurity, shame, and resentment that can be tough to break.
Recognizing these patterns is vital to nurturing healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
When we need to protect ourselves from intimate connection or vulnerability, fueled by insecurity about who we “truly are,” we’re not just reminding ourselves that we believe there’s something wrong with our authentic being; we’re encouraging others to cultivate resentful feelings.
Broken trust, insecurity, or fear of rejection fuels self-sabotage. Connect with yourself to heal. Those who hide their authentic selves can't live fulfilling lives, only deepening their insecurities and dissatisfaction.
10.Avoiding conflict makes you appear passive and unassertive.
Fizkes | Shutterstock.com
Many people with deep-rooted insecurity fear failure, rejection, or abandonment, which often stems from unmet needs in childhood relationships with their parents or family members.
Avoiding conflict or arguments out of fear of rejection or failure makes one appear unwilling to stand up for oneself or one's beliefs. To compensate for their inadequacy or unworthiness, they tend to avoid high-stress situations, challenges, or conflicts that compel them to confront their uncomfortable feelings and insecurities.
When someone fails to take accountability for their mistakes or steers away from challenges, that’s one of the common behaviors that make good people look weak, as it paints them as a person who’s unwilling to protect and advocate for themselves.
11.Speaking poorly about yourself diminishes others’ perception of you.
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock.com
Speaking negatively about yourself in public strengthens negative views, lowering confidence and self-esteem. Whether aimed at gaining validation from others or alleviating personal insecurities, this behavior often causes individuals to be seen as less confident and weaker, especially in group settings.
Our words have power, especially when speaking to others, so presenting ourselves in a more confident, positive light can encourage others to do the same.
Even good people with great intentions and a commitment to themselves fall into this habit of letting their inner criticisms emerge. Still, when you craft intentional boundaries with yourself, you can stop this habit from sabotaging your relationships and connections.
Find ways to positively affirm yourself, whether at home alone or with friends in public. Craft a routine encouraging you to invest in your emotional and physical well-being. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and encourage you to speak positively about yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.