Your Parents Did A Great Job Raising You If You Have These 11 Boundaries
Our parents hold a lot of power over our future relationships, personal development, and professional success.
Phoenixns | Shutterstock While they’re grossly misunderstood and sometimes controversial, boundaries truly help to protect our emotional, physical, and social well-being, even amid the chaos and unpredictability of our world. By setting limits for the kind of behaviors we’re comfortable with and communicating our expectations for ourselves, boundaries can help shape the well-being of our relationships and personal lives, encouraging and enabling us to advocate for ourselves better.
By healthily encouraging children to take partial accountability for their own decisions, personal health, and emotions, parents can spark the practice of setting and re-asserting boundaries in their kids early in life. Suppose your parents did a great job raising you. In that case, chances are you have these boundaries that help to guide your passions, spark success in your professional career, and protect your emotional well-being, sanity, and security.
Here are the 11 boundaries you have if your parents did a great job raising you:
1.Always seek consent before touching or entering someone’s personal space.
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Experts from the Child Rescue Coalition aren’t shy about expressing the power of empowerment for children early in life, even for things as simple as giving them the freedom to say “no” to physical contact from family members. Open communication, coupled with this empowerment, offers kids the tools to learn and re-assert their boundaries, even when they aren’t entirely aware of the power behind their specific language or powerful mindset.
In adulthood, this fundamental respect for other people’s personal space and ideas about bodily autonomy ensures that they constantly interact with people under the veil of basic respect. They are self-advocates, even when it might be uncomfortable for others, in ways that genuinely add value to their daily lives, relationships, and self-esteem.
2.Respect others by listening attentively if you expect the same from them.
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Often taught through model behavior at home, adult children who are great communicators and have mastered the art of active listening were often taught this boundary early in life: if you want to feel heard and respected in conversations, you have to be willing to offer it to others, as well. This collaborative idea of social connectedness and communication sets children up for later success in their professional and personal lives with new friendships and intimate connections.
Of course, as experts from the Institute for Family Studies suggest, there are sleuths of reasons why children may struggle with listening early in life. Still, with their parents' proper acknowledgments, language, and grace, they can learn to emotionally regulate themselves, hear, and offer empathetic conversation responses.
3.Never feel obligated to justify or prove yourself to anyone.
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Children who grow up into adults who feel pressure to prove themselves, seek validation from others, or determine their worth based on someone else’s judgment often have unmet emotional needs from their parents. Not only do they feel unheard and unvalued at home, they are likely thrown into a transactional dynamic where they are only celebrated and praised for doing something valuable for their parents.
On the other hand, your parents did a great job raising you if you were taught never to equate your self-worth with other people’s opinions, judgments, or critiques — even your parents. Your authentic identity was celebrated, and your boundaries around external validation and negative self-talk were always reassured, even when uncomfortable.
4.Speak about others with compassion and kindness.
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“Treat people how you want to be treated” is foundational in many healthy parent-child relationships. Still, you might not realize how it informs our unspoken yet influential interpersonal boundaries. Early in life, it teaches kids that healthy relationships revolve around kindness and empathy — putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and showing them grace. When people don’t show us that same kind of respect, they’re not worthy of our time.
In the same way, children should approach their relationships with compassion, keeping in mind boundaries that remind us all to seek respect, grace, and kindness.
5.Address conflicts by tackling the root of the problem directly.
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E. Mark Cummings explains in their book “Marital Conflict and Children: An Emotional Security Perspective” that conflict is inevitable in every family dynamic and everyday life, so it’s unavoidable. However, how parents mediate their arguments, especially in front of their kids, can inform their mindsets about productive communication skills and conflict resolution.
Parents instill an essential boundary in their children by highlighting the power and health of expressing emotions and communicating directly rather than letting issues and conflicts build resentment. These healthy communication habits and conflict resolution strategies will inform the health of their future relationships and their personal emotional well-being as they approach and work through uncomfortable conflicts.
6.Express your emotions and needs clearly and openly.
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Healthy communication based on trust and respect benefits everyone, especially kids. Teaching children to express and reaffirm their boundaries is crucial. By asking about their needs, creating a safe space for discussion, and demonstrating emotional intelligence and vulnerability, you can help your kids prioritize their best interests and communicate their needs effectively to others.
Being a fierce self-advocate starts with your ability to set and communicate boundaries, and your parents did a great job raising you if you’re able to do so — from the workplace to your friendships and amid conflicts with intimate partners.
7.Build relationships on a foundation of mutual trust and respect.
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By teaching kids about basic empathy early in life through model behavior, open communication, and kind gestures, parents inadvertently help them cultivate healthy boundaries around respect. According to the Child Mind Institute, teaching children to have general respect for other people, their personal space, and unique boundaries can also help them craft a sense of important self-respect.
Your parents did a great job raising you if you have these boundaries around respect, as they tend to falter in adults who struggle with their self-esteem, especially in the face of opposing opinions, arguments, and high-pressure emotional situations.
8.Respect differing beliefs, even when they challenge your own.
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Returning to the fundamental communication principles that responsible parents instill in their children, it is crucial to remind your kids that they are entitled to be heard and respected just like anyone else, even those with differing views. This lesson is invaluable as it equips them with the skills to establish boundaries regarding what they find acceptable in conversations. Moreover, it encourages them to connect and learn from people with diverse backgrounds, opinions, and perspectives.
Experts from Everyday Speech suggest that this lesson is best taught in conversation and through model behavior, where both kids can speak their minds and attentively listen. At the end of these conversations, encourage them to find common ground or compro. These conversations generally form the foundation for minds and productive social interaction.
9.Handle disagreements without resorting to personal attacks or insults.
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A mix of all the lessons great parents teach — open communication, basic empathy, active listening, and respect — navigating children through disagreements and conflict resolution can be tricky but well worth it. While these moments might be more emotionally involved and stressful at first, giving children the tools to advocate for themselves, speak their minds, and make space for others to feel heard will ensure they have the confidence to approach healthy disagreements rather than actively avoiding them.
Of course, the kind of respect and space they provide their peers should also be the kind they expect from others, as experts from the Child Mind Institute argue, and the expectations that fuel the creation of their healthy boundaries.
10.Take the time and space needed to process complex emotions.
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Creating a safe home environment for children to express their emotions without fear of judgment is crucial. It influences their ability to resolve conflicts, develop healthy relationships, and communicate effectively as adults. Parents can demonstrate this essential behavior by actively teaching their children that they deserve their own space and boundaries to protect these special moments.
11.Balance personal time and self-care with your professional responsibilities.
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Therapist Michael Vallejo emphasizes that self-care for children is equally crucial as the healthy habits and self-care practices we value in adults, such as maintaining homework, enjoying nature, and practicing good hygiene.
By creating boundaries in their social lives and responsibilities to prioritize these behaviors early in life, they make it a habit before adulthood, when the chaos of life and new relationships can urge adults to disregard their personal needs, time, and space.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.