The Most Dangerous Thing In A Woman's Life Is An Insecure Man
A viral TikTok saga made me realize how absolutely terrifying insecure men are.
golubovy | Canva Once in a blue moon, you’ll find yourself in front of drama that is so sick, so bizarre, you kind of have to comment on it. Such is the case with the TikTok account of Inventing Elizabeth, allegedly run by a doctor.
It all started simple enough: a single mom had a TikTok account, and she filmed herself crying while making a cake. She mentioned that she was sad that she had to bake her own cake so that her kids could sing her happy birthday. People supported her until her ex-husband came online, trashed her, accused her of faking cancer, said she didn’t have custody, and showed receipts. It seems like an open-and-shut case at first. “At first” is the key part of that last sentence, folks.
As the drama unraveled, things took a turn for the alarming. The woman, Elizabeth, explained the following after she had death threats sent to her account from strangers:
- Her ex was extremely abusive and used his role as a doctor to put on a good face
- Other women have come out with restraining orders against him
- His entire account was devoted to destroying her life — and it was active for years
- He has been trying to silence her and get her to shut down her accounts for years
- The account also featured him goading his children into saying awful things about her and manipulating things
- She signed papers related to custody under duress
- He had ties to Scientology, the same religious order as Danny Masterson
- She fears for her life and has tried to stay silent until now
Much like her husband, she provided receipts. And the texts she had between her and her husband were telling. Simply put, he was enraged that she was thriving and hot without him — and he kept telling her to close her accounts. Elizabeth said she’s not addressing this again and that she’s hiring a lawyer because she can’t take it anymore. All of a sudden, most of her ex’s posts disappeared.
There is a certain type of man who tends to annihilate women for his own ego’s sake. This is the type of man I believe Elizabeth’s ex happens to be. He is the type of guy who will control a woman and abuse her until she breaks. When she leaves, he can’t handle that. He will destroy her rather than let her go. He’s an insecure man. And he’s a danger to women — just as all men like him are.
You never see confident men putting down women for walking away from the dating scene, because they know it doesn’t affect them. You never see confident men abusing women, because they know they don’t need to resort to that to get a good relationship. You never see confident men annihilate their families. That’s the move of a man who is insecure about his position in life and would rather kill those around him than admit failure.
Insecure men are dangerous, dangerous men — and they tend to be the worst to women they think are out of their league.
Why do they do this? There are tons of studies on why insecure men hurt women. There’s a whole book called Why Does He Do That? which covers how abusers behave and why it’s not “a lack of control.” The bottom line is that abusers abuse because it benefits them and makes them feel big and in control. Control is like a drug they can’t resist — and they can only get it by exploiting and abusing women.
This is precisely why appeasement doesn’t work with abusers. Yes, they may try to hurt you if they say no, but I promise you, they would do that regardless. The only way to cut the crap is to dump them and give them consequences.
Ladies, insecure men rely on your niceness and concessions to prey on you. That’s why I leave you with this advice: if you notice a whiff of insecurity, an attempt to make you part with things or people you like, or a sniff of aggression, run. Do not chalk it up to it “being a bad day.” Do not chalk it up to him “just needing you to do this one thing” or him just needing to be fixed. You’re a human being, not a charity house for insecure men.
You are not going to fix him. You cannot fix him. Why? Because the only person who can fix insecurity is the insecure individual. No amount of talking up will help them. If anything, talking them up and handling them with kid gloves only rewards bad behavior from men who take their insecurities out by hurting women.
My advice is simple: go for the man who’s confident and emotionally healthy.
An emotionally healthy, emotionally intelligent, and confident man is worth his weight in gold — even if he’s not a high-earner. He’ll be in your corner and you will know that he’s with you because he likes you, not just the status you bring. Emotionally well men are not easy to find, but they are out there. They are good partners. Whether or not you have the tenacity to find one, though, is on you. Ladies, you need to date like your life depends on it — because it does.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.