13 Telling Phrases That Instantly Reveal A Man's True Intentions, According To Research
He's telling you everything you need to know.
Mike Van Denbostic | Unsplash As much as guys talk about women being "crazy," sometimes men are the ones who portray themselves in this way. Many of them also tend to be way poorer at hiding their true nature than women are.
Avoiding emotionally unhealthy guys is crucial, and thankfully, it’s pretty easy to see which men aren’t exactly the healthiest options out there. You can do it by paying attention to what they say and figuring out the signs he's not emotionally healthy.
Here are 13 telling phrases that instantly reveal a man's true intentions, according to research:
1. 'You’re not like most girls, you’re actually cool'
Any time you hear a guy talking smack about the entire female gender, you can guarantee that he’s got a bitter, poisonous, and toxic mindset. It may also indicate that he's a misogynist.
Simply put, healthy guys don’t generalize like that and definitely don’t have that much bitterness in them.
2. 'I don’t actually believe women feel love'
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This is one of those phrases I’ve said about men but can acknowledge that it’s not something healthy to say.
I’ve felt the same way about men for a long time. I’m still not totally 100% on them being capable of love, simply because of the abuse and abandonment I’ve faced. However, I also realize I’m not in the best emotional state due to dating-related PTSD.
PTSD will make a partner paranoid, needy, and, at times, act like they have Borderline Personality Disorder — and that can make them very hard to date, if not downright terrible partners. Many abusers, too, will say this to try to entice women into trying to “fix them” and prove that they can love.
No matter which way you look at it, this isn’t something anyone who is emotionally well will say, and as such, it might be for the best to skip them.
3. 'C’mon, just give me a fair chance. I’m a nice guy...'
If you’ve dated this century, you’ve heard men like this whine about how dating isn’t fair. People who believe in being “given a chance” are people who don’t understand how dating works, and tend to see women as objects rather than actual human beings.
That being said, nice people don’t have to announce they are nice; people will quickly notice they are, instead.
A 2018 study explained that the foot-in-the-door effect suggests that making a small request first can increase the likelihood of someone agreeing to a more significant, related request later. A man might use this approach by asking for a 'chance' to get to know someone better, hoping to build rapport and increase the chances of a relationship.
4. 'I’m an Alpha Male.'
This is a really outdated way of seeing wolf society, and in real wolf packs, there is no “Alpha male.” That aside, men who say this tend to have confidence issues with a streak of controlling and misogynistic behavior.
They use the word “alpha” as a way to rationalize treating others poorly and as a crutch for confidence. This misogynistic outlook isn’t something a healthy man will have.
5. 'Look, I drove all this way and paid for dinner. You owe me'
This shows what psychologists call “aggrieved entitlement.” Aggrieved entitlement occurs when people think they’re entitled to things that they actually have no right to, and in the case of dating, often signals that they will become abusive — mentally, physically, or emotionally.
The scariest part is that guys who think this way do not see anything wrong with this either because they literally think they deserve it. Yeah, you don’t want to date this kind of person.
6. 'Women are so sensitive'
This is one of the major signs he's not emotionally healthy, because emotionally healthy people would realize that they need to take other people’s feelings into account. If he can’t do that, then he can’t be a healthy partner.
If a man says something like this to you, it also shows that he may lack empathy, which is often a sign of personality disorders like narcissism and psychopathy.
The perception of women being too sensitive stems from societal and cultural factors, particularly rigid gender roles and the devaluation of emotions in men, rather than inherent differences in emotional capacity. A study found that male participants' emotions fluctuated as much as women's, suggesting that the idea of women being inherently more emotional is a myth.
7. 'Feminism is a disease'
A guy who can’t stand the idea of equal rights for women isn’t someone who has a healthy outlook on dating. And this also isn't someone who has respect for others, especially not women, in general.
Simply put, there’s no point in trying to establish a partnership with someone who doesn’t see you as worthy of having rights or autonomy.
8. 'Women only want men for their money or their looks'
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Once again, this shows bitterness, misogyny, and unhealthy outlooks towards women. It's toxic, and it's not a trait you should seek out in men when navigating the dating world. Do not try to fix men who are like this; the only person you can change is yourself.
9. 'I have rage/substance/abuse issues'
Good on him for admitting it, but if this is the case, he’s not emotionally healthy. Just because he admits there’s something wrong with him, that doesn’t mean that he isn’t unhealthy.
In fact, consider it a warning sign that a future with this person will not pan out in a positive way. Instead, it's best to stay away.
Acknowledging issues doesn't automatically mean someone is dangerous, but it does indicate a pattern of struggle with emotional regulation and potentially a need for intervention. If someone is struggling with anger, a 2020 study recommended seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor, as it is crucial for developing healthy coping mechanisms.
10. 'Wait, you’ve had other partners before me? How am I supposed to deal with that?'
From personal experience, any guy who prefers a ridiculously low partner count has issues dealing with their insecurities. Plus, it's nobody's business, and they are not entitled to this personal information.
A healthy person would have enough confidence to realize that numbers don’t matter and that their insecurity is their burden to deal with, not yours.
11. 'I don’t play games'
I’ve never seen anyone who said this actually be worth the time. If you feel like dating games are the only way to get ahead in love, you’re probably not that emotionally healthy.
And if a guy says this to you, think about what he actually means by it.
12. 'My ex [insert details here about how they broke his heart]. She's the worst, my ex. Did I mention my ex did that?'
Look, I’ve been there. I know how it feels to be so hurt by people that you just need to vent to a date. I understand this. However, I’d be lying if I said that this is something emotionally healthy people do.
It’s okay to not be over an ex. What’s not okay is to be the person dating them, hoping that you can fill that space. Emotionally well people don’t do this, and if you’re looking for a long-term deal, you need to realize that this never bodes well for the partner being vented to.
A 2020 study found that a new partner constantly talking about their ex can lead to insecurity, feelings of inadequacy, and lower relationship quality due to the potential for emotional attachment to the past and the perception of being a replacement. If the partner constantly talks about their ex, especially if they are pessimistic about their current partner or romanticize the past relationship, it could be a red flag indicating that they are not fully committed to the new relationship.
13. 'Dump your boyfriend for me'
This phrase is literally selfishness, personified. Do I really have to explain why this is not something that a healthy person would say to you? Hopefully not.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.