14 Alarming Signs A Man Is Deep Into Red Pill Thinking — And It’s A Huge Red Flag
If these signs show up, he’s not just opinionated, he’s deep into Red Pill territory.
REC Stock Footage | Canva If you’re familiar at all with The Matrix, Reddit, or national political elections you may have heard of the Red Pill. This is an online forum that says the best way to get a girl to love you is to abuse her, focus on yourself, and demand things from her all the time. The Journal of Women and Culture explored how, in the Red Pill Forum, "men conceptualize gender in ways that inform their personal and political action — and this is to our detriment."
Many writers in the forum talk about how women can only respect a man who insults them or talk about how women are “biologically wired” to want to date men who are filthy rich. In a nutshell, it’s a misogynistic place that breeds emotional abuse, and toxic masculinity, and ultimately hurts the men who buy into it by alienating them from people who would care about them.
Here are alarming signs a man is deep into Red Pill thinking and it’s a huge red flag:
1. They think women belong in the kitchen
A guy who needs to be the “Alpha” is a guy who probably has some Red Pill tendencies. If he’s at the point where he thinks women shouldn’t have jobs and they should be “seen, not heard,” he’s a Red Piller. Skip him.
2. They don’t take no for an answer
kiuikson via Shutterstock
This is just a red flag all around, but it’s also a red flag that’s common with Red Pill users who assume women want to be conquered and that they need to be “taught how to love.”
3. They have a 'nice guy' complex
Does it surprise anyone that many nice guys tend to view the fact they are a nice guy as golden, and then do the exact opposite? It shouldn’t. It plays right into confirmation bias and further alienates them from women. "It can't be me, I am a nice guy," said every abuser ever.
Therapist Susan Saint-Welch explained, "Violence, being disrespectful to their partner mate, or others, breaking the law, and being habitually unfaithful (even in a past relationship) are all very serious signs of an unhealthy relationship. In addition, you cannot feel emotionally safe with someone whose actions do not match their words. Your partner must consistently come through with their words and commitments. Think very carefully before committing to someone who practices any of these unacceptable and hurtful behaviors."
4. They don’t respect women or say misogynistic things
Most Red Pillers view women as the enemy, and that means that, no, they won’t respect women. They will, if anything, hate women and take out their anger on them. If you see misogynistic tendencies, it’s time to bail on this men's rights nonsense.
5. They have anger issues
From what I’ve seen, the Red Pill is comprised mostly of angry men. They just legitimately seethe anger and bitterness and, at times, they don’t even have to blow up for women to feel that vibe.
6. They use terms like 'alpha' and 'beta' regularly
Ground Picture via Shutterstock
Sure, these terms have crossed into the mainstream world lately, but the truth is that they originated among forums. This means that just using those terms is a “yellow flag” that tells you to be wary. If he refers to himself as an “alpha male,” you have a problem. He is very likely a Red Pill user.
A 2022 analysis of the online "manosphere" found that, "Women were seen as having three primary motives: to deceive and manipulate men, to promiscuously satisfy their own needs, and to trade intimacy for power.
Men were seen as falling into The Red Pill or Incel types: alpha men who are attractive, powerful, and successful, beta men who give to women as their only route to intimate interactions, and incel (involuntarily celibate) men who are too unattractive to achieve success. Posters acted on these beliefs either to improve themselves (The Red Pill) or give up on life and endorse suicide and/or violence (Incel)."
7. They think women aren’t as smart or moral as men
This is classic Red Pill rhetoric. Do not fall for this, even if he says the phrase, “because science says so.”
A 2008 study examined how false claims that women are less intelligent are among other "critical insights into understanding the near-universal difficulties that women encounter as rationalizing exclusion from fully participating in the process of knowledge production." This attitude is then reflected socially by the Red Pillers.
8. They regularly make moves to exert dominance over women
Here’s what most people don’t get about guys who have this ideology: they also view intimacy as a form of dominance. They have issues — big ones — with women. Because of whatever happened to them, they think relationships are to be “won” like arguments and that intimacy is the ultimate form of dominion over a woman.
This means they can get coercive and, yes, abusive. If they do anything that makes you think they’re going for a power trip, you need to shut it down yesterday.
9. Other women warn you about them
I’m a true believer you should listen when women give you a heads-up about someone, particularly if it’s multiple women warning you to stay away from him. If you get a lot of warnings or notice that women won’t go near the guy, listen.
10. They refuse to spend a single dime on you
First off, this is unattractive because it’s stingy. Secondly, if he won’t even do a 50/50 split or just buy you a drink once in a blue moon, he’s just selfish and could be worried about showing that he’s “beta” by being generous. Either way, it’s one of those things that makes you wonder why you’d bother with him. And you shouldn’t.
11. They have a terrible relationship with their mom
Imagine if you were the mother of an avid Red Piller. Chances are that they have said some misogynistic, vile things to their moms, too. Needless to say, many Red Pill users have terrible relationships with their moms.
12. They hit on your friends or ignore you when you stand up for yourself
djile via Shutterstock
This is a common Red Pill move that makes them think you’ll fall for them. This is the point where you need to walk away and warn your friends.
13. They use the term 'hitting the wall' when talking about women
Red Pill users say that after 25 or so, women hit “the wall” and stop being attractive. This is solely a Red Pill term. Avoid this guy because he is shallow.
14. They regularly blame women for not being attracted to them
This is classic Red Pill mentality, and it’s something that’s poisoned the dating scene. As a result, there’s not much you can do for a guy who thinks this way. Just leave him alone — he might snap out of it in a couple of decades.
The sad part is there are a lot of men out there who believe what the Red Pill has to say and even use it to justify things they do to women who only want a man who loves them. Overall, Red Pill users aren’t dating material in my book, and trust me when I say I tried to give them a chance. And if you see any of these signs, you probably should back away.
If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic abuse or violence, there are resources to get help. There are ways to go about asking for help as safely as possible. For more information, resources, legal advice, and relevant links visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline. For anyone struggling from domestic abuse, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474/
Alex Alexander is a pseudonym. The author of this article is known to YourTango but is choosing to remain anonymous.
