11 Lessons Most Alpha Men Learn Way Too Late In Life
Alpha men may assert a sense of dominance, but they still have a lot to learn.
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock The term "alpha" is derived from animal behavioral studies where the "alpha" is the leader and most dominant one of the pack. In modern society, the alpha male is categorized as a man who exhibits leadership qualities, a strong sense of self, and asserts dominance in social and professional settings.
Since alpha men are often the ones people look to for guidance, they experience a pressure to act and be a certain way around others. However, by constantly worrying about their image, there are certain lessons most alpha men learn way too late in life. And by the time they realize, it's often too late make a real difference for themselves.
Here are 11 lessons most alpha men learn way too late in life
1. You can't do it alone
Studio Romantic | Shutterstock
Most alpha men face the societal expectation of doing it all to maintain their image. They may perceive asking for help as a sign of weakness. However, even the most important and influential people need a helping hand sometimes.
It is impossible to do everything on your own, and you have to allow yourself to rely on others every now and then. In fact, support from others may help alpha men become even more resilient.
"One of the best strategies in developing resilience, as I see it, is not developing more self-reliance abilities but developing richer, more meaningful and enduring relationships," relational psychotherapist Gilead Yeffett shared. "To care for and be cared for by others seems to be what we humans have evolved to do."
2. Emotional intelligence is more important than physical strength
Drazen Zigic | Shutterstock
Alpha men often feel the need to be seen as strong and muscular figures whose physical strength could conquer the world. But the brain is one of the most important muscles of all that they tend to neglect.
Being emotionally intelligent and understanding how to manage your emotions will get you through situations your biceps cannot. It allows you to emphasize with others, face conflict and make better decisions. But by putting physical strength before emotional intelligence, this is one of the lessons most alpha men learn way too late in life.
According to psychology researcher Elaine Houston, an investigation into the relationship between emotional intelligence and the stress process found that participants who displayed higher levels of emotional intelligence were less likely to be negatively impacted by the presence of stressors. So, if alpha men want to serve as leaders, they need to know how to properly manage stress.
3. Success isn't just about power or wealth
panitanphoto | Shutterstock
While many alpha men may believe that their money and status greatly contribute to their success. And while these things can certainly help, true success often comes from inner fulfillment, happiness and contributing to the well-being of others.
Even if money can provide comfort and security, it does not guarantee overall satisfaction that a person can derive from meaningful relationships, personal growth and contributing to something greater than oneself.
The "Give and Take Theory," popularized by Adam Grant, suggests that generous people, or "givers," often achieve greater success and fulfillment than those who hoard their wealth or close themselves off to others.
Producer and manager Brian Medavoy shared his own successes he achieved from living by "giving," revealing, "I get 5 to 10 emails a week from actors asking me to represent them. Believe it or not, I write them all back. I do it because I believe in the power of human connection. I do it because I empathize with the uphill that actors typically face. I do it because no one else bothers to do it."
He continued, "Wealth, notoriety, status, and power are only external, socially constructed measures of success. To me, success is better measured by the health of your relationships and is heightened by what you do for others."
4. Health is your greatest asset
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
Taking care of physical and mental health is certainly one of the lessons most alpha men learn way too late in life. Health is often overlooked by alpha men in their pursuit to success, despite health being the foundation for a fulfilling life. It enables productivity, financial stability and overall well-being, and can offer a person so much more than sheer dominance can.
Studies, including research from Public Health Reports®, have shown that people in good health are able to earn more money and work more productively. Additionally, as the study found, "Healthy and happy employees have a better quality of life, a lower risk of disease and injury, increased work productivity, and a greater likelihood of contributing to their communities than employees with poorer well-being."
Without good health, wealth and power lose their meaning. Taking care of your mind and body should be a top priority for everyone, not just alpha men.
5. Being vulnerable isn't a sign of weakness
ShotPrime Studio | Shutterstock
As little boys, alpha men are often taught that boys don't cry or express emotion, and that crying or showing any vulnerability are signs of weakness. However, being able to open up and be in tune with your emotions as a man is a sign of strength.
Being vulnerable is what fosters deeper connections and makes you more relatable as a human. According to counseling experts at James Madison University, vulnerability is the core of our emotions and feelings. If we prevent ourselves from being vulnerable we foreclose on experiencing our emotions.
"Trying to shield yourself from being vulnerable has many costs. That shield you carry or mask you wear, keeps others from seeing the real you," they note.
If alpha men want to be seen as strong and secure individuals, they need to start getting in touch with their emotions, be vulnerable, and let others see that side of themselves.
6. Listening is just as important as speaking
Valery Siddnykov | Shutterstock
Even if alpha men may assume that they need to be talking more than others to be heard, listening is just as valuable. Listening to and understanding those around you is crucial for building genuine relationships and success in life.
Unfortunately, listening instead of speaking is a lesson most alpha men learn way too late in life. But honing this ability allows alpha men to learn different perspectives that may just be beneficial to them.
Listening also warrants respect. People are more likely to take you seriously and consider what you have to say when they know you will offer them the same treatment.
7. Time is more valuable than money
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
The older people get, the more they tend to realize the preciousness of time. Unlike money, which can be accumulated and spent, time is a finite resource that cannot be earned back. Valuing time over money can lead alpha men to prioritize their experiences and relationships over the material possessions money can enable them to buy, contributing to a greater sense of fulfillment.
According to Tina Seelig, PhD, professor at the Stanford School of Engineering, "Most people look at their bank accounts with great attention and assess how much money they have to spend, to invest, and to give away. But they don't look at their time the same way, and end up wasting this incredibly valuable resource. In fact, time is much more valuable than money because you can use your time to make money, but you can't use money to purchase more time."
As a lesson most alpha men learn way too late in life, money isn't everything. Money won't help you build lasting relationships or find happiness, only time can do that.
8. Failure is a necessary part of growth
voronaman | Shutterstock
Alpha men are so focused on success that they often neglect the fact that no one succeeds without failure. Every mistake or shortcoming is a stepping stone to your ultimate goals, and should not hold you back or be taken as a sign for you to stop trying.
Executive coach and speaker Dr. Sam Collins, who was also named one of the Top 200 Women to Impact Business & Industry by Her Majesty, the Queen of England, claims that her first real failure of being fired from a dream job is what launched her into success.
"I highly recommend losing at least one job in your life because it gives you awareness and an aliveness you don't get when you have the same job for life. It forces you to tune in to what you truly want in a career," she shared. "Failing is an inevitable part of creating your destiny, and it gave me the platform to start my own business and follow my biggest dreams."
9. You can't please everyone
Gorgev | Shutterstock
In order to feel like the alpha in charge, many men often feel they must be liked by everyone. But this is entirely unachievable, and people will only drive themselves crazy trying to do so. Everyone has different backgrounds, emotional ranges, and experiences that will influence who they like and who they don't.
Trying to meet everyone's expectations is exhausting and utterly impossible. Ultimately, it is not about who doesn't like you that defines you. Since you will be unable to change their minds anyway, it is better to focus on what truly matters to you and those who do support you.
10. Not everything is a competition
Gorgev | Shutterstock
Not everything is a competition — this is one of the lessons most alpha men learn way too late in life. For alpha men, they want to be the one who comes out on top in every scenario. For them, winning is the ultimate success, and they are viewed as the most dominant people with the potential for victory.
But life isn't about winning or being the best. Those who choose to collaborate rather than compete with the people in their life will truly understand the beauty it offers. Instead of victory, the end goal should be being able to appreciate the journey.
11. Confidence doesn't mean arrogance
insta_photos | Shutterstock
Some alpha men fail to understand the fine line between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is rooted in self-assurance and belief in your own capabilities without feeling the need to prove them to others. Arrogance is defined as a sense of superiority over others while dismissing their opinions.
Without even realizing it, some alpha men may come across as arrogant to further assert their dominance over others. Being confident does not deter others the way that arrogance can. In fact, people are drawn to those who demonstrate a healthy level of confidence in themselves.
Confident people own their mistakes, avoid placing blame, celebrate other people's successes, and do not seek external validation to foster their confidence.
According to certified mindfulness facilitator and performance coach Cathy Stapleton, "A confident person exudes a positive self-image and possesses a strong sense of self-worth. They are well aware of their strengths and weaknesses, and they embrace opportunities to take risks and explore new ventures. With high self-awareness, arrogance can easily be avoided. With a devotion to growth, confidence can be naturally formed."
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.