9 Sad But Common Signs A Man Is More Likely To Cheat
He can say he's faithful, but his behavior will show you how likely he is to stray.
Winnie Bruce | Canva Many times people say "Men cheat because they can; because it's easy for them." At times, this is true. But more often, in cases of infidelity, the reason men cheat isn't that simple.
One explanation rarely fits all. Instead, a mixture of causes typically factors in. The following are some of the real reasons why men cheat. Fortunately, you can catch these signs early and either end the relationship or do the work to resolve the parts that are possible for you to fix together.
Nine common traits of men who are more likely to cheat
1. They feel emotionally disconnected
One dominant reason for cheating is a lack of emotional connection. We cheat because we feel a sense of disconnect with ourselves or with our partners. Emotional disconnect is described as a lack of an emotional, spiritual, or intellectual connection with your partner.
When we feel ignored, unappreciated, lonely, or neglected, we seek connection with others who can provide us with this basic human need. We might even risk seeking a relationship outside our marriages.
2. They're tempted by lust
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Many men admit to cheating mainly for physical or intimate gratification without the desire for an emotional tie. Whether we like it or not, the tendency to cheat is innate and a universal characteristic of human nature. It's part of our makeup.
Our evolutionary process has shaped human behavior for better and for worse. Evolution rewards species that survive and reproduce. Our existence was dependent on individuals who were driven and motivated to act on their impulses and craved variations. Accordingly, people today must deal with socially frowned-upon desires which, once upon a time, helped our ancestors successfully produce offspring.
Psychotherapist Robert Weiss elaborated, "Male desire tends to be driven by physiological rather than psychological factors. This is why adult sites created for male users feature short scenarios focused on body parts and overt intimate acts and not much else. Sure, men can be attracted by a nice personality as well, but more often they’re turned on by specific body parts. Thus, men typically do not need to be in love to enjoy intimacy. In fact, they don’t even need to be in like. They just have to be turned on."
3. They're avoiding intimacy
A deep-seated fear of intimacy can be hard for some men to overcome and may lead them to cheat. It is a protection mechanism. They're scared of intimacy and fear rejection or abandonment, so they distance themselves from their wives by cheating.
These men cannot trust or allow themselves to rely on anyone, including their wives. They fear getting hurt. Instead of confronting their fears and working with their spouses to develop greater safety and intimacy, they resort to what they know best: running away, having superficial relationships, and betraying the person closest to them.
"Because many of us have learned to react to conflict with various controlling behaviors — from anger and blame to compliance, withdrawal, and resistance — every relationship presents us with these issues of rejection and engulfment," explained psychologist Margaret Paul, "If one person gets angry, the other may feel rejected or controlled and get angry back, give themselves up, withdraw or resist."
4. They have low self-esteem
If they don't feel liked, loved, and admired by other people, then some men feel worthless. Endlessly seeking approval from other people and continually seeking to “conquer” another “territory” is a powerful force that pushes men to cheat.
When they cheat, they get an instant self-esteem boost from the person they're sleeping with. Unfortunately, this boost is short-lived, leading to even more feelings of emptiness.
5. It was just there (simple and easy)
More than ever today, extramarital intimacy is cheaper and easier to get. Thanks to the internet and mobile devices, it's easier for men to cheat anytime, anywhere. There are plenty of opportunities, the temptations are great, and the desire for immediate gratification increases. Some men simply find it hard to resist their desires, especially when gratification is at their fingertips.
6. They can't control their impulses
No matter how much love a man gets, if he lacks self-control and makes decisions based on impulses, he will never stop betraying his partners. For men, this is a way to feel reassured; whereas for others, it is a challenge and the thrill of the moment.
Some men are simply weak and impulsive. When an opportunity presents itself and they're not strong enough to say "no," they cheat. Their strong need blurs their perspective so they don't see beyond themselves and how their actions might hurt others, as suggested by the APA.
7. They want to have their cake and eat it, too
Married men may feel "stuck" between the stability, security, and reassurance of their marriages, and at the same time, their desire for freedom, passion, and excitement. Marriage fulfills the first part and an affair fulfills the second part. Men want both, love from their partner and intimacy with another partner.
Therapist Todd Creager advised, "People who feel empty, listless, and bored may use the act of cheating to give them a shot of adrenaline, to make up for being understimulated, and to make them feel alive again. Often and not always, these people have had little experience in their families of origin of parents who were able to stimulate them in times of neutrality, boredom, or listlessness."
8. They don't feel fulfilled
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With time, when relationships become stable and comfortable and intimacy frequency decreases, some men crave 'newness' again and go elsewhere to find it. More so, when their wives do not fulfill their desires.
Men generally want more intimacy than women, and it's also their way to feel connected to their spouse. When men feel their needs are not being attended to, they can feel rejected or neglected, which will push them to look outside of their marriages.
9. They yearn to feel good and alive
Work pressure, upcoming performance reviews, kids, complaining wives, midlife crises — all these life challenges disappear when a man is immersed in passionate intimacy with anyone but his wife. The affair makes them feel their heart pumping blood into their veins, making them feel alive. It's not surprising some men who cheat are driven by their desire to play with fire and add danger and excitement to feel vibrant and full of life.
Whether the causes for infidelity are due to biology, evolution, or simply the desire for newness, the decision of whether to be unfaithful or not is entirely in a man’s control. If a man is in a monogamous relationship, he should ask himself one critical question before he cheats: Is it worth it?
He should consider the worst-case scenario, which is breaking his wife's heart and the risk of losing her. Fidelity, at the same time, is a test of a man challenged by his instincts and urges and can serve as an opportunity for man to grow inside and develop deeper intimacy.
Moshe Ratson, Founder and Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage Family Therapy, is an innovative and well-known licensed psychotherapist, MFT supervisor, business consultant, and executive coach.