10 Sarcastic Phrases Old-Fashioned Parents Used That Would Be Considered Toxic Today
You may think these sarcastic phrases are funny, but your child likely does not.
Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock Many parents can't help but raise their kids the same way they were raised, and in many cases, they never even stop to question if the way they are doing so is right or wrong. Then, as their children grow older, they might notice distance growing between them, leading to an increasingly tense relationship.
One of the unfortunate ways parents unknowingly harm their relationships with their children is through the things they say, and there are several sarcastic phrases old-fashioned parents used to use that would be considered toxic by just about anyone today. From low-key threatening their kids to dismissing their emotions, many parents unconsciously push their kids away thinking they were just being clever.
These are 10 sarcastic phrases old-fashioned parents used that would be considered toxic today
1. 'Do as I say, not as I do'
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The first sarcastic phrase old-fashioned parents used that would be considered toxic today is, "Do as I say, not as I do." Many toxic parents were taught that children should be silent and blindly obey. Because of this, parents often hold their children to a higher standard while ignoring their own shortcomings, which doesn't add up as children are notorious for following in their parents' footsteps.
Center on the Legal Profession noted that children are more likely than others to enter into the same occupation as their parents (with a little nuisance, of course). However, this toxic behavior isn't necessarily their fault, at least to an extent. Most toxic parents were never taught emotional maturity, and as a result, they tend to blow up and engage in problematic behaviors.
Licensed clinical social worker Sherry Gaba LCSW explained, "They tend to dramatize even minor issues and see any possible slight as a reason to become hostile, angry, verbally abusive, or destructive."
2. 'I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it'
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There’s always a point at which a parent is fed up. Whether it’s because of their child’s tantrum or because they haven’t had enough sleep in days, even good parents can snap from time to time. That said, a sarcastic phrase old-fashioned parents used that would be considered toxic today is, “I brought you into this world, I can easily take you out.”
It should go without saying that violence is never the answer to a child’s misbehavior. As much as old school parents would like to disagree, hitting children isn’t effective as it teaches them to fear their parents, rather than teaches them right from wrong.
However, that’s not the only problematic behavior kids face, as spanking is associated with mental health problems in childhood and adulthood, as well as delinquent behavior in childhood and criminal behavior in adulthood, according to a study published in Psychological Bulletin.
Knowing this, people would think that parents would give up on this old school phrase as it encourages violence against children. Unfortunately, this mentality is alive and well as 37% of youth are spanked growing up, according to a study published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies.
3. 'I'll give you something to cry about'
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It's a parent's worst nightmare: they need to go to the store to get groceries and have no choice but to bring their fussy toddler along. And just as they think things are going okay, everything hits the fan, and suddenly, their toddler is throwing themselves on the floor and crying hysterically.
Nowadays, a parent might engage in gentle parenting techniques and take their child out of the store for them to calm down. However, a sarcastic phrase old-fashioned parents used to whip their child into shape was the infamous, "I'll give you something to cry about," that had children shutting up in 0.5 seconds.
It's unfortunate, but this disguised threat did wonders for a child's behavior. No longer having to deal with a crying, fussy toddler, these parents could gleefully get back to their shopping without having to spare a second glance. Yet, what did this technique do in the grand scheme of things?
According to parent coach and psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., "Yelling often leaves your defiant child feeling resentful toward you." And feeling unheard and unsafe in the presence of their parents, these children most likely grew up not telling their parents anything, leaving them vulnerable to being taken advantage of.
This is why parents should think twice before uttering this infamous phrase. As much as it sucks, the short term-benefits don't outweigh the long term consequences.
4. 'You can have privacy when you pay the rent'
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Growing up, teenagers needed their privacy to let loose and do whatever they wanted to in the comfort of their own room. Wanting to scroll or play video games, many children truly have no ulterior motives for requesting privacy, and everyone needs time to rejuvenate. Still, many old-school parents didn't care for privacy, and as a result, a sarcastic phrase old-fashioned parents used that would be considered toxic today is, "You want privacy? When you pay rent, you can have privacy."
From cellphones to taking doors off hinges, there's truly no boundary when it comes to toxic parents. Feeling as if they own their kids, these parents aren't afraid to trespass boundaries if it means keeping their children safe. Unfortunately, their care for safety often conflicts with their children's need for individuality, causing tensions to rise in the parent-child relationship. So, what should parents do to avoid this?
Instead of uttering this sarcastic phrase, parents should be more open and honest. Carl E Pickhardt, Ph.D., explained, "Consider asking fewer questions to get information needs met, and show respect for the teenager’s right to control their own information." This might look like saying, "Knowing more helps ease my mind," or, "I would love to understand you better." Approaching these questions from a place of respect and without intrusion is the first step to avoiding the tug of war of adolescents.
Even so, parents will continue to insist that they have access to the bare minimum, like children's phones. Though this is fine, once again, it's important to approach this from a place of respect and understanding. Before giving them the phone, say, "Hey, because I brought this phone, I will be looking through it to ensure that you are safe." Setting the standard instead of ambushing them is the best way to create trust and respect in the relationship.
5. 'Bored? I'll find you something to do'
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It's the summertime, and everybody is busy. One of their kid's friends is out traveling, while the other one is a no-show no matter how often their kids invite them over to play. So, when summer hits and their child is bored, a sarcastic phrase old-fashioned parents use that would be considered toxic today is, "Bored? I'll find you something to do?"
It's unfortunate, but many kids feel as if they can't openly express themselves to their parents. Being rejected and belittled for their feelings, these kids have taken to staying in their room and curing their boredom through Minecraft with friends or scrolling through TikTok.
A study in 2021 found that children who were isolated were increasingly more likely to experience depression and health issues such as obesity. Despite this fact, many kids feel as if they have no other choice. If they face their parent and tell them how bored or lonely they've been feeling, their parent might belittle them and give them extra chores. Yet, if they don't talk to them and their face shows how bored or upset they truly are, a parent will continue to belittle them because 'it's their own fault that they're bored in the first place.'
6. 'Kids are starving out there and you're worried about this?'
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The next sarcastic phrase old-fashioned parents used that would be considered toxic today is, "Kids are starving out there, and you're worried about this?" Now, two things can be true simultaneously. Yes, there are children out there who arguably have it way worse than the average person does.
In the same breath, dismissing their child's feelings simply because 'other people have it worse' can feel isolating and aggravating to them. As much as they understand their parents' point, all children want is to be comforted and understood by those who are supposed to cherish them the most.
As a matter of fact, the parent-child bond is so strong that it can completely change the trajectory of a child's life for better or for worse. According to a study published in 2016, without having a good bond, children are less likely to grow up and become happy, independent, and resilient adults.
So, while dismissing their children's emotions might feel tempting, don't forget that forming a strong bond is important. To do this, Jeffrey D. Shahidullah, Ph.D., suggested, "You can do this by placing fewer demands on the child (making fewer withdrawals) and simply focusing on increasing positive interactions." For instance, praising their hard work and encouraging children is a great place to start, as it can help create a more positive environment.
7. 'Oh, you're depressed? You have a roof over your head and clothes on your back. What more could you ask for?'
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Nobody is immune to human emotions, not even children. Whether it's a bad day at school or a recent friendship breakup, there will always be a moment in which kids struggle to stay positive. Unfortunately, many old-fashioned parents don't understand this, and as a result, a sarcastic phrase old-fashioned parents used that would be considered toxic today is, "Oh, you're depressed? You have a roof over your head and clothes on your back. What more could you ask for?"
Sometimes, old-fashioned parents don't view their children as human beings. Seeing them as an extension of themselves, these parents aren't afraid to diminish their child's feelings as unimportant because at least they don't have to pay bills. However, this sort of mindset only isolates children, causing them to have a harder time opening up.
It's hard to open that door once parents have closed it. Not only that, but a study published in the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology found that being rejected by parents or peers has been associated with emotional and behavioral problems such as depression, aggression, and dangerous behaviors that can actively harm them.
So, while it might be hard to understand, parents should do their best to reach out and show active support towards their children. Remember: humans are social creatures and need community to thrive. This is why parents should strive to be the best support system they can be.
8. 'Because I said so, that's why'
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There's perhaps no greater annoyance in this world than asking a question only to be met with, "Because I said so, that's why." On the one hand, children don't want to talk back and risk their lives. On the other hand, it's pretty disrespectful and dismissive to ignore their question because 'you said so.' Still this is a sarcastic old-fashioned phrase parents used that most people nowadays would consider to be pretty toxic.
There's no changing an old-fashioned parent's mind when it comes to their behavior. Even if kids or other adults were to point out how this phrase is rude, most of these parents won't feel bad anyway. They're stuck in their own ways, and others will be hard-pressed to try and change their mind, yet this isn't their fault. The human brain isn't as adaptable as most people would like to believe, as the brain is designed to keep things stable.
This means that any viewpoints or behaviors that go against what the brain knows are considered a 'threat' that must be eliminated. This can explain why old-fashioned parents refuse to get out of the mentality of, "My kids need to obey me." Deep down inside, their brain is refusing to change or adapt.
9. 'You think you have it bad? Please, when I was your age...'
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Most people understand that life was different back then. Having few rules except "You better not embarrass me" made it so that older individuals had to take care of themselves. But as a result of this neglect, old-fashioned parents don't believe that their children could possibly have it worse than they had.
As a result, a sarcastic phrase old-fashioned parents used that would be considered toxic today is, "You think you have it bad? Please, when I was your age..." They say that self-comparison destroys people, and the case rests especially with the parent-child relationship.
Nobody, not even adults, wants to feel as if they're being compared or belittled. Despite the hardships the older generations went through, children want to feel as if their parents are there for them and are doing their best to understand them. Yet, when parents say this phrase, they're unintentionally dismissing their child's experiences and saying, "Your experiences don't matter." Because of this, children grow distant from their parents, causing a huge rift that might never heal if parents aren't careful.
With this in mind, be sure to avoid comparisons as much as possible. Instead, reaffirm how they feel by saying, "That must've been hard." Even if parents don't know what to say, sometimes a hug and listening while nodding can almost always do the trick.
10. 'If you don't fix your face fast, I'll be happy to do it for you'
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Finally, the last sarcastic phrase old-fashioned parents used that would be considered toxic today is, "If you don't fix that face fast, I'll be happy to do it for you." When kids are upset, it's a parent's natural reaction to want to comfort them. However, if a parent wasn't taught how to be emotionally mature, this is when things might get a little complicated.
On one hand, they want to be there for their child and comfort them during those hard moments. On the other hand, they don't know how to and, as a result, get triggered or frustrated whenever they see an ounce of negative emotions on their child's face. So, as bad as it may be, parents might sometimes use harsh phrases such as this to tell their children to just be happy.
Unfortunately for them, this can have the opposite effect and cause children to feel resentful towards their parents, leading to a huge strain on their relationships. So, if parents truly want to make their kids feel better, simply tell them, "I'm here if you need anyone to listen to you." Providing a safe space where a child can rant and express themselves is key to a healthy parent-child relationship.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.