8 Old-Fashioned Heartbreak Tips That Are Still Totally Relevant
You have to learn the lesson to stop it from happening again.
The New York Public Library | Unsplash Have you ever seen a teenager lose his or her first love? Or maybe you've seen someone's marriage fall apart? Maybe you've seen someone left at the altar?
Heartbreak is a wicked, cruel, and unfair thing, but it's a universal feeling. No one skates by in life without at least one broken heart, but the truth is you wouldn't know what love is without having your heart be pounded, broken, and demolished, now would you?
As much as heartache can take days, weeks, months, and sometimes (although this is super unhealthy) years to get over, it teaches us so much. Heartache is tough, but it is a moment in time in which you can grow. Taking your tears, sleepless nights, and stomachaches and turning them into ways to better understand your relationships and yourself is where heartache becomes its most powerful.
Take it from someone who is no stranger to heartache, I promise: you become a better and stronger version of yourself after you've gone through it. Keep reading for old-fashioned heartbreak advice that still totally stands today.
Here are old-fashioned heartbreak tips that are still totally relevant:
1. Your happiness depends on you
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At some point, after you've sniffled and isolated yourself for some time, you realize you need to pick yourself up again because as much as your friends and family will try, they can't do it for you.
Heartache teaches you that you have to be able to make yourself happy — no one else can do that for you.
2. It's okay to ask for help
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Asking for help is hard, but heartache is something that everyone can relate to. It's a universal injustice that singers have been making music about for ages.
A tough breakup or divorce is an "optimal" time to create great support systems for yourself and learn how to say, I need help, support, or hey, even a hug. Asking for help is acceptable and can be a positive learning strategy.
A 2022 study concluded that asking for help demonstrates self-awareness, allows for deeper understanding, fosters social connection, and can enhance one's perceived competence when seeking assistance from others rather than hindering learning by appearing weak. It's a sign of healthy self-regulation and effective learning behavior.
3. Time heals all
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The saying goes that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Sometimes we don't know that a person comes in for just a season of our lives . . . or a reason.
But ultimately, heartache teaches us that not everything can, should, or will last forever, and it hurts to know this. But knowing and accepting this, helps us get through the tough times of life.
4. You have to learn to let go
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Sometimes, no matter what you do, some love cannot be saved. Heartbreak teaches you that sometimes, you have to "lose."
You have to let go to heal. It's not a failure to do so either, but instead, a success. This can often be achieved through practices like mindfulness, where individuals consciously choose to release negative emotions and attachments to past experiences, allowing them to move forward without being weighed down by the past.
Studies showed a significant correlation between the ability to let go and reduced anxiety, depression, and rumination, with mindfulness interventions proving effective in cultivating this skill.
5. You must love yourself before you can love anyone else
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After the crying is done and the sad songs are all played out, you stand strong again. Sure, you might be a little wobbly at first, but you grow into yourself a little more every day that passes. You start to appreciate yourself for who you are, what you need, and where you're going next.
6. When life knocks you down, get back up
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There's a reason the saying "fake it until you make it" is a thing. You might feel like crawling under a rock for the next 10 years after a breakup or divorce, but you put on your good dress and your favorite lipstick and move forward, even if you're hurting inside. Resilience is the ability to adapt and bounce back from challenging or traumatic experiences.
Research from the American Psychological Association (APA) explained that it involves viewing setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning rather than insurmountable obstacles. Key factors include a positive mindset, strong coping mechanisms, social support, and self-efficacy.
7. Sometimes you have to take a good, long look in the mirror
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A breakup or divorce will teach you a lot about yourself. Some of it you won't like.
Some of it will require you to think long and hard, and even make some changes. Either way, heartbreak shows you the good, bad, and ugly sides of you.
8. Find the silver lining in situations
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You might not smile too often, but you'll notice little things that make you happy while you deal with the heartache of a lifetime.
Suddenly, you'll realize that it's the little things that make a big difference. You'll learn to find silver linings in dark clouds, and this is a great life tool, no matter how you look at it.
The concept of benefit finding refers to identifying positive aspects or opportunities within an adverse or challenging situation. It is often linked to increased resilience and optimism, with studies showing that actively searching for silver linings can improve coping mechanisms and overall well-being.
This practice is usually associated with cognitive reappraisal, where individuals actively reinterpret a situation to find a more positive perspective.
Laura Lifshitz writes about divorce, relationships, parenting, and marriage for YourTango, The New York Times, Women’s Health, Working Mother, and Pop Sugar.