If Your Friends Do These 8 Things, It's Often Because They Secretly Wish You Would Break Up With Your Partner
When our closest friends disapprove of our romantic relationships, their actions speak louder than words.
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock Does your gut tell you your friends object to your relationship? When our friends get along with our significant other, we typically feel a sense of peace. It reduces awkward situations and potential conflicts, allowing us to enjoy our time with both groups, together or apart.
That’s not always the case, though. Sometimes, our friends have valid reasons as to why they want us to break up with our partner. Sometimes they don’t. If you feel uncomfortable or confused with what you’re experiencing, listen to your intuition to help guide you in assessing the situation.
If your friends do these eight things, they may secretly wish you would break up with your partner:
1. They avoid spending time with you and your partner
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At times, friends don’t want to feel like the third wheel in your relationship. That's totally normal, but when they seem to actively avoid even group outings that include your significant other, chances are it's more than just giving you your space.
It's not likely they'll outwardly tell you, but when planning an outing that includes your new beau feels like herding cats, they probably don't like him.
Although it can feel isolating, if you're confident your relationship is healthy and fulfilling, it can't hurt to keep trying. Your besties will likely come around.
It also wouldn't hurt to pick your closest friend and talk to them about the situation. Just remember to practice healthy communication without getting defensive. You can't resolve conflict if you aren't willing to hear why your friends feel the way they do.
2. They ignore your significant other
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It's even more obvious that your friends have a problem with your relationship when they ignore your partner in social settings. For instance, they might avoid acknowledging your partner’s presence, even when you're together.
Sometimes, they won’t even make eye contact or offer a simple greeting. According to Gerry Heisler, Ph.D., senior clinical psychologist and author of "Making Love Last," this kind of dismissive behavior is a clear sign of disapproval.
3. They are overly supportive of your relationship concerns
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Seeking comfort and support from friends during times of hardship is one of the most beautiful parts of friendship. If your friends don't like your partner, however, they might seek to validate your concerns and worries about your partner.
You might even be painting a picture of your partner that causes your friends to dislike them without truly getting to know them.
Think about the times you’ve complained about your significant other, whether about something big or small. You may go back to your partner to work through your concerns, but your friends are left with a clouded perception of your partner that might not change until you give them an update on their behavior. This is when they might not only secretly begin hoping you'll break up with your partner but do so subconsciously.
4. Your friends stage a relationship intervention
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Likewise, another instance when your friends come from a place of genuine concern over your well-being is when they set up a relationship intervention. Karley Sciortino, writer of Vogue’s online "Breathless" column, shared the story of a friend who went through such an intervention.
In her article, she quoted Emily, who had this exact experience: “It wasn’t even just my friends, it was my wider community — people who share my core values — and they all thought [his behavior was problematic]."
5. They troll your partner online
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Even if your friends believe they have the best intentions, it’s difficult when they troll your significant other online.
In today’s digital age, it’s common and easy to troll someone online. An Australian study revealed one in three people have experienced cyberbullying, with most of the criticism focused on the person’s values.
Perhaps your friends don’t think your partner appreciates you or adds value to your life, and that somehow justifies their actions. Whatever the reason, it’s important to set clear boundaries with your friends.
6. They are happy when you almost break up
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Another sign that your friends secretly want you to break up with your partner is they seem happy when you’re on the verge of a breakup.
Hosts Soph and Rach from the "it’s not just you" podcast touch on this topic in one of their episodes.
Soph shared her own experience during Rachel’s breakup, admitting, “But there was one percent of me that’s like, sick, Rachel’s going to be single again, do you know what I mean?”
7. They show signs of jealousy
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Some friends may show signs of jealousy when you are coupled up, and that can make them act less than happy about your non-single status.
Kailyn Brown, a lifestyle reporter from the Los Angeles Times, asked an honest question regarding this very topic: “Do you miss the amount of time you used to spend with your friend when they were single?” It might not be nefarious jealousy; they might just be jealous of the time you spend with your new partner.
There’s also the possibility a friend might feel jealous of your relationship. They might be craving a relationship, too. Or perhaps they are jealous of how great the person you are coupled up with is.
Either way, there are solutions. Don't neglect your friends when starting a new relationship, which can often happen. And if your single friend might be showing signs of jealousy over the relationship in general, why not bring them along on a group outing with some of your partner's friends? Who knows, you might save your friendship and spark a new romance at the same time!
8. They have feelings for your partner
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This brings us to the final point: Be careful who your friends are. They may want exactly who you have.
The attention and overly friendliness they’re giving your partner may be a sign they’re interested in them. That’s a sad reality that may leave you wondering who your real friends are. It gets worse when it’s reciprocated.
Trust your gut when it comes to your friends and who might be trying to manipulate you for their own self-interests. If your partner embraces the extra unwanted attention from a less-than-loyal friend, you'd be wise to cut them both loose before getting yourself hurt.
Mina Rose Morales is a writer and photojournalist with a degree in journalism. She covers a wide range of topics, including psychology, self-help, relationships, and the human experience.